Last weekend I attended a memorial service for my artist neighbor Dusty. It was more of a party, complete with resplendent food and a brief opportunity for loved ones to share memories. We gathered to celebrate her beautiful, full life. at what was her home during the last few decades. Most people there had known and loved Dusty for at least one of her nine decades.
But I had only gotten to know her in the last five years, joining her and a handful of others to do yoga at 3 pm in her studio surrounded by her enormous oil paintings. By that time, dementia had started creeping. I can walk to Dusty’s in less than half an hour on woods roads from the place I’ve been lucky to call home since 1986.
A friend described the first time he met Dusty - well over 20 years ago - when many of us had rallied to oppose a cell tower being developed smack dab in the middle of our neighborhood. I had attended some of those meetings, but at the time I was deep in cult-brain and well, my focus was elsewhere…
Before I fell asleep that night, I was walloped by an overwhelming sense of loss for two women. I had been so close but so far from all but one of my neighbors since I moved there. It was only after 2014 - when I snapped out of the cult-spell - that I began to connect with my neighbors in meaningful ways. I had completely missed the Dusty that most people reminisced about and I missed the me who would have loved to know her.
As survivors of cultic indoctrination, we can never know when this kind of wallop will creep up on us. Do you know what I mean? Maybe it still happens to you every day.
How do we handle those moments of recognizing how much we missed? For me, it’s picking up my pen. I thought I wasn’t going to send a newsletter this week, but I needed to. These few words have helped me to integrate my experience. It’s less about sharing and so much more in the process of choosing the words, or letting them be chosen, by finger tips tapping, or the pen held in my not quite awake hand.
I feel better now.
This is why I do what I do. Why Writing to Reckon exists. And why I facilitate the Reclaiming Autonomy Writing Symposiums.
And OMG, I can’t wait to tell you more about the dynamic, skilled speakers who will be featured on October 3rd! SAVE THE DATE, please. I really think you won’t want to miss this one!
I will make myself wait until next week to let you know who are speakers are. In the meantime, feel free to pre-register. October 3, 2026 from 1-4 pm EST. Via Zoom.
I’m heading to the beach now.
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