Theses on Intentional Christian Living Communities

What are “Intentional Christian Living Communities”? Poorly defined, for the most part. The most basic premise is that it’s a group of three or more Christians living in a house together and usually involves praying together and eating together. That’s the basic model. The hoped for outcome in these arrangements is some kind of Christian formation or discipleship, often with a mission-focus (inviting people into the life the community in some way). Typically, these houses take some kind of inspiration from monastic life although they rarely approach the intensity thereof.

I have lived in these kinds of communities for three years, with two years at my current residence. As my current community dissolves (for natural reasons), I and one of my roommates intend to embark on a journey to start a new intentional-Christian-living community-ish house, though, out of necessity, a little different. So, we have been reflecting on what Christian community (in the context of a household) is and is for. Here are some of the lessons that I’ve learned.

1. Community is a surprise.

In a fitness club, for example, you might gather around weight training and compare techniques, swap knowledge, and provide accountability so that each individual can train harder. Then, almost by accident, community happens and friendships are formed.

Creating a household involves labor and intention, and most of the effort of creating an intentional Christian living community happens in doing the household bits. Dividing up household labor, planning the interior design, fixing leaky pipes, opening the house up for parties. These are rather banal tasks. But these are the parts that, when done with engagement and responsiveness, create community and friendship.

One failure mode is when people get confused about where the community and friendship come from. It is an understandable mistake to think that because community and friendship are the desired outcomes, that you must devise a mechanic that will achieve these outcomes. The problem is that community and friendship are elusive, organic things, more like nature spirits than factory machines. You can try to turn friendship into a widget but then it feels rather mechanical and pretty lame. Instead, you must woo and persuade. You must set up little altars and hope the spirit of friendship decides to domicile in your household.

The little altars of which I speak are things like asking your roommate what kind of coffee they like to drink and then buying coffee together in bulk to save money.

2. The point of having community is to deepen your engagement with the world.

God is out there in things you don’t understand. There’s a way that communities and friendships can turn inwards and transform into escapism. This happens at the level of households, churches, political associations, board gaming clubs, etc. It can be hard to tell when this is happening because communities are dynamic systems. The best heuristic that I have found is asking myself the question: Is my engagement with life deepening or shallowing?

A few more questions: Am I meeting new people? Are my current relationships deepening? Am I giving back to my household? Is my household giving me something that I need (safety, support, a swift kick in the ass)?

If we imagine each person as a tree, there are two parts: the roots and the shoots (the above ground bits). A household is soil in which you can grow deep roots. Deep roots are good, they keep you steady. But above ground, tall and fruitful shoots is where all the action happens. If you have tall shoots with no roots, you might get completely knocked down by the next storm. If you have deep roots but no shoots, you aren’t bearing fruit. Your roots and shoots should be roughly in proportion to each other.

Households give you the opportunity to deepen in maturity. But as you deepen in maturity, you must expand your reach beyond the soil and grasp at the sky.

3. The fundamental reality of life is that each of us is alone before God.

You will give account for one life: your own. This fundamental loneliness is inescapable. But in fact, it is only loneliness if you consider it as such. It could be also be the source of your deepest security.

Many people, myself included, have tried to run away from this loneliness only to find that there is no escape. Those who are most sensitive to it often try to find a way out through parasitic friendship or recede into it in a way that dissipates their vibrancy. There is no escape from it, but there is a way to live into it with sincerity. The way is this: Give more than you receive.

I wrote the above points this last Sunday morning and by 9:00 p.m. that evening I was already second-guessing myself. A lovely dinner conversation, facilitated by my household and a couple of lovely guests, had me reconsidering whether my perspective is a little too individualistic.

What I’ve written is true but it is not the full picture. Dependents change, quite fundamentally, what a household means and looks like. I’m a single man in my twenties living with a married couple who just had a baby (plus a couple of other strays). The household, in this case, is now reorienting toward the stewardship of new life. New life that will not be capable of standing alone before God for quite some time. Or even that framing isn’t quite right; as if God is not standing with and through the household.

There’s a missing piece in my metaphor: Where does the soil come from? What makes healthy soil? There’s a difference between a household of adults who are mature enough, who already have deep roots and are working to grow thicker trunks and longer branches, and a household that is nurturing a sapling.

But that difference is unified in one principal: love of the other. Whether it is seeds that become new life, or branches that shade and protect the birds and squirrels and rabbits, a properly ordered household gives abundant care towards others.