Quick, before there’s nothing left.

One more day and I’m going home. I miss my dog and my garden, but I’ve remembered what living feels like. It’s better now, because I take care of myself, and it feels less like something that messes you up.
It feels like blushed cheeks, long lashes, pastel hues of emerald blue and love.
It feels like kindness and bright teeth in an open mouth, like cold water under the soles of your blistered feet — but big eyes that were well fed.
It feels like a little pinch right on that hungry heart that could swallow up and drown everyone close by.
It feels like the warm city wind through my hair, hope, and cold pasta for dinner.
It also feels like fear — but the good kind, the kind we have because we care.

I won’t lie: I panicked hard, at first, coming out of the routine I’d had for the past three years.
Spending weeks away from home felt overwhelming. I couldn’t sleep.
I was thinking about things with no answers, as if my brain was trying to avoid falling back into the void of nothingness — picturing all the ways I could sabotage myself, slip back into the comfiest cave.

I fed myself so much art these past two days — I think I saw four or five exhibitions, spent entire afternoons in bookstores, and latched onto every bit of city nightlife I could.
Quick, before there’s nothing left to eat.

🝊

Last week, I was working on my live show in a rehearsal space in Marseille.
I added some new songs to the set.
I’m so glad I’m testing them live first, just like I did with most of the songs from the UTOPIA project.
It also makes me commit to them.
The day I decide I want to play them live is the day I know they deserve not to be forgotten — if you see what I mean.

Wonderful people are helping me create the best show. I feel so blessed, so grateful for everything, all the time. Strangers must think I’m high. I’m just in love with everything.

CAN WE TAKE A MOMENT FOR THESE PICTURES FROM @LISA ?!!

from my last show in Marseille at the Espace Julien.

Going back on stage is exhilarating. I have people helping me make it the comfiest experience possible to reduce stress. I’ve started vocal lessons and realised I knew nothing about singing or how to do it.
Now, I can sing for hours and not lose my voice or wake up with my throat on fire.

My next show is in 9 days, and it will be so cosy.
I’m bringing my stage decor, we’ll all meet and hang out in a haunted forest.
It feels like a big split between the massive stages when I’m opening for another band or artist, and the smallest of stages when it’s just me.
Each one is unique. Each time, I want to cry when I play that new song sitting down, whether I see 4 or 800 eyes.

I’m a little annoyed that I haven’t journaled in quite a while… probably since the beginning of the year. I’ve always been on and off, but this is the longest I’ve gone without writing. It’s also the longest I’ve gone without being obsessed with anyone - probably related.

This month, I fell in ♥ with:

• surprising myself by enjoying bike rides through Marseille. Now I feel like what’s missing from my life is a bike (an electric one, so I can go really fast up and down the hills).

• The most beautiful hand-painted tunic from a second-hand shop in Aix-en-Provence. The person working there told me it had been sitting in the shop forever, and that he loved it so much; he was thrilled it finally found a home.

  

• Expanding and finding more confidence in myself, hidden deep in my bod, forgotten for some time.
  Being kind to myself, and by that, I mean allowing other people in, without that damn feeling of being unworthy of their attention, love, or interest.

• Vegan snicker bars (recipe in the link - I used less honey/agave syrup than suggested, and they were already super sweet)

🝊 I am listening to:

✨My (our?) Full Moon Tarot of the month✨:
You’re being moved from fear to faith, from over-control to trust. You’ve learned discipline, how to hold yourself upright in storms — now, the moon invites you to let go of the fear that if you stop holding it all together, you’ll fall apart.

Sending you love and strength in your knees,

Talk soon,
x

G.