Trump to God: Drop dead!

Truth Social

April 13, 2026

Donald J. Trump

@realDonaldTrump

God, you are NOT great! You have been TERRIBLE on WORLD AFFAIRS, WEAK on crime and immigration, and a TOTAL DISASTER when it comes to helping my Administration, the greatest EVER in WORLD HISTORY. Just look at the last few weeks. Acting in Your name—and that’s the last time, I’m not going to capitalize it any more, you don’t deserve it— I smote the most EVIL country of ALL TIME, Iran, with the full force of America’s military might, the GREATEST ever seen. With our best friend Israel—that’s where your son Jesus was from, REMEMBER, God?—we blasted that whole country to smithereens. We bombed them and bombed them and bombed them. We almost got tired of bombing, we bombed so much. It was GREAT. Even more fun than Venezuela! We killed all their Leaders, we blew up their pathetic navy, we destroyed their missiles, we smashed their bridges. It was an Amazing Display of our Strength and LETHALITY, and all in your Holy Name. And how did you repay me? You STABBED me in the Back, Big Time! You pulled some sneaky move with some place no one has ever heard of, the Straight of Hormones or some stupid foreign word probably made up by an illegal immigrant drug dealer, that gave the Bad Guys the ability to raise gas prices and crash the stock market! And that wasn’t your only BETRAYAL. The Iranians were supposed to Surrender, or their people were supposed to rise up and Overthrow them, and NEITHER HAPPENED. Now I’m totally screwed. I’m trying to act like everything is going according to plan, but it’s NOT, my approval ratings are in the tank, I’ve run out of options, this Blockade thing isn’t going to work, the clock is ticking, the markets are about to melt down again, the world economy is gonna tank and we’re gonna have $10 gas, and IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT! So this is your Last Warning. If you don’t get your Almighty act together, clean up this Iran mess that YOU created and SOON, I’m going to abandon you and go to the Other Side. Yes, I’m talking about Allah, God. He’s made me an offer I can’t refuse. Unless you straighten up and fly right and start acting like a REAL GOD, WHO IS ON THE SIDE OF MAGA, it’ll be all ALLAHU AKBAR, all the time, baby! Thank you for your attention to this matter. President DONALD J. TRUMP.