What surprises you about fostering?

This is the follow-up to my part one post for Foster Care Fortnight 2026 (What do you know about fostering?).

1. Becoming a rugby dad

There’s one specific training/marketing video I watched before the kids arrived that sticks in my mind. A kind and gentle man tells us of the joy of “welcoming someone into your home and sharing your world with them”. You don’t need to give up your life, he assures us. What wonderful news.

And so that’s what I did. When my kids arrived, they joined me on dog walks in the woods.

I quickly realised the video had clearly been edited. They left out the next bit, where he surely explained that the kids would moan about the unrealistic expectation that they could walk more than 20 minutes, and that this moaning would start just as the walk is suggested and only end long after the drive home starts.

Here’s the truth… you give up much of your life when your kids arrive.

That’s not fostering. That’s parenting.

I had no previous interest in rugby, and not a sporting bone in my body. But it was a source of passion, confidence and belonging for both my boys. And so that’s where I’ve spent much of the last decade, on a series of pitches across Wales (and beyond). Often in the dark. Mostly in the rain.

2. Love is not enough

I had a plan. My kids would arrive, and I would love them. Loads.

And all that love would make up for everything that they hadn’t had.

Of course, I would do the other things… feed them, clothe them, keep them warm, etc.

But I knew it was that love that would make the difference.

A few months in, I began to realise it wasn’t enough. That’s not to say it isn’t an essential component. I couldn’t have done this without the love. But I needed so much more. The right people around me (in my personal life and professionally, as part of the wider team around the children). The right way to parent, taking into account their trauma and the lasting impact this would have on them. And as many other things as possible going right (schools, friendship groups, housing, no global pandemics 👀, etc.).

3. Never being done

Just last weekend, a good friend asked when I realised I had done a good job and achieved what I wanted for my kids. I realised I’ll never be done. Not because my kids aren’t exactly where they need to be, but because being a parent is a job for life.

When it comes to a job that never ends, how do you keep going?

Before the kids arrived, I would imagine there would be these big moments along the way… the milestones that came with a flashing “SUCCESS” sign above them.

Real life isn’t a movie. Success doesn’t look like that for us.

That doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist, but it will easily pass you by if you let it.

Thinking back, I don’t recall many big moments. I do recall lots of small moments that truly matter. A kid hugging you back. Quietly watching birth family ties being rebuilt. Two of your kids playing in their first game together (I told you I live on a rugby pitch).

It’s important to take a photo, but it’s more important to take a moment. In the chaos of daily life, finding a way to stop and recognise the magic. Easier said than done. But these are the surprises you need to hold onto.

What’s something that surprised you about fostering?

Join me next time when I’ll be writing about: What’s working in fostering?