"You Hurt Me? I'll Hurt You."

Life brought a cycle of stress and, amidst all the commotion, one of my daughters closed herself off from me.

It was painful. And I felt myself wanting to close off, too.

The reaction was quick and automatic.

You hurt me? I’ll hurt you.

The look on her face felt like withdrawal of love.

And considering our beautiful month together, I experienced it as betrayal.

You stop loving me? I’ll stop loving you.

For a moment, I wasn’t responding as her mother and the wise woman I want to be.

I was reacting from the wounded child that used to run all of my relationships.

It took real presence to remember:

I am not here to win.
I am not here to show her who’s right.
I am not here to prove who’s more powerful.

I am her mother.

It was never my goal to raise obedient children.

And she is an adult.

And now that she lives on her own, I want her to honor all of her feelings, even the ones directed at me.

Learning to love is humbling.

Especially as a parent.

It forces me to admit that I don’t know everything, that I make mistakes. But admitting my mistakes gives me an opportunity to do differently next time.

As I am learning to love, I want to teach my girls what love looks like when connection feels threatened.

I am no longer trying to offer perfect love.

I am not interested in permissive or enabling love either.

I am talking about steady love.

The kind where I do not abandon myself.
But also don’t abandon them.

Where I do not retaliate simply because retaliation is familiar, what I was raised with.

Punishment is so deeply woven into our culture that we hardly notice it.

We punish with silence.
With withdrawal.
With coldness.
With superiority.
With “I’ll show you.”

Sometimes we call it boundaries.

Sometimes we call it consequences.

But frankly, often it’s simply pain looking for somewhere to land.

Last week reminded me of who I have become:

Not my wounded child.

Not my frightened nervous system expecting punishment and rejection.

I have a choice.

And the choices I make teach my children far more than any lecture ever could.

I will never be free of triggers. But I can remember who I am and how I want to show up to my loved ones before I act from the trigger.

If you’re ready to meet your own triggers with this kind of presence, to become - for yourself and the people you love - the safe place you always wished for, I’d love to have you in True to Me, Open to You.

It’s a three-month group journey (November 2026–February 2027) for people ready to build relationships that no longer revolve around fear, performance, or power.

Enrollment opens in September.
The interest list is open now - access it here.

Warmly,

Galina