Why Do We All Want a 90s Summer?

“No stories were viral. No celebrity was trending. The world was still big. The country was still vast. You could just be a little person, with your own little life and your own little thoughts. You didn’t have to have an opinion, and nobody cared if you did or did not. You could be alone on purpose, even in a crowd.” - Chuck Klosterman, "The Nineties"

Next week, my daughter finishes up school for the year and my son will be finished the following week. So I’m staring down the barrel of a full summer at home with two young kids, no childcare (SAHM life, which I truly love and am grateful for the time), and minimal camp. They’ll each do two weeks of half-day nature camp which they adore, and I’m going to try my best to make the most of those hours but I know I’ll blink and they’ll be back home.

I started getting a little emotional last week while trying to fall asleep one night, thanks to an ill-advised 5pm at-home latte. Reese turned 6 recently, and it’s true what they say about the days are long, but the years are short. She has 12 more summers under our roof, and I want to make them as magical for her (and Zach, who will be 4 in August) as I possibly can. So naturally, I’ve been thinking a lot of my own childhood summers and how much I truly loved them. However, I can’t tell if it’s one of those cases of romanticizing the past and looking at things through rose-colored glasses, or if life today for kids and grown-ups alike is so incredibly fraught that I’m yearning for the simplicity of my childhood.

I’m also reading two separate parenting books right now from the same author (see reading section below!), which has caused this all to feel very top of mind lately. Last summer, I started things off with a 30 day screentime detox for the kids which I thought was going to be horrible, but ended up being just what we all needed to reset our brains, emotions, and expectations of what summer would entail. We’re in a better place this year so I don’t think I’ll need to be quite so draconian, but they know I mean business now.

Nor do I want to overly schedule our days, trying to entertain them during every waking moment, and ensuring that every day is filled with novelty. Rather, I think boredom is good for kids and leads to boundless creativity. And experts agree! The Child Mind Institute piece titled “The Benefits of Boredom” explains:

Helping your children view boredom as an opportunity to do something will benefit both of you. They’ll try new activities, develop better frustration tolerance, learn how to take initiative and entertain themselves, acquire planning strategies and problem-solving skills, build perseverance, increase confidence and get to know themselves better. Plus, you’ll hear fewer complaints and have more time to yourself. The next time your child says, “I’m bored,” respond with, “That’s great! I can’t wait to see what you’ll do!”

In fact, I made this “boredom buster” PDF to print out for Reese over the winter — sometimes it helps them to see options. Including it here and you can upload and make it your own using Canva:

But I know that it can be uncomfortable to parent like this in the age of social media where, if you follow any parenting or motherhood accounts, it seems as if everyone else is doing things better than you are. Activity kits, various arts and crafts stations, daily stimulating outings, endless educational opportunities…it feels like if you’re not doing the most then your kids will suffer and you’re a bad parent.

I’m trying to run things through the lens of WWCD (What Would Cindy Do), and channel my own mom’s style of parenting me during the 90s. She passed away in 2011 so unfortunately I can’t seek out her guidance on the subject, which is really shitty (sorry, can’t sugar coat it!). She was a stay at home mom until I was around 12 years old, but did lots of volunteer work and had some side hustles of her own. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, apparently!

But I know that her advice to me was usually to read a book or go play outside, both of which are so deeply ingrained in me from those formative years. I made my own fun, followed my interests, and developed a deep appreciation of quiet time to myself. What a gift to have been given at a young age, honestly. She would always be right there with a delicious snack, homemade meals, fresh lemonade or iced tea, sliced up fruit, but I don’t remember relying on her to be my be all and end all of summer entertainment.

My best memories of summer are, in no particular order:

• swimming in our pool

• riding my bike/rollerblading around the driveway

• pogo-stick, stilts, Skip-it for outdoor toys (again, my only child is showing here!)

• playing catch or soccer or batting practice with my parents

• mini golf

• hanging out in my mom’s office while she worked on her mail-order milk paint business / running errands to buy business supplies

• swimming in local lakes

• climbing trees

• setting up a lemonade stand with freshly baked cookies

• picking berries and food from the garden

• playdates with friends

• going to the driving range with my dad

• making friendship bracelets with gimp and embroidery floss

• playing man-hunt at night in my yard with friends (still scary tbh!!)

• visiting beaches along the coast of New England

• weekly trips to the town library to spin the wheel for reading prizes

• fishing trips

• hikes in the woods

• playing basketball

• playing tennis (which was usually me hitting a ball with a racket against a wall lol)

• summer camp X1000 —honestly the best part of every summer bar none (and once Zach is old enough for full day camp, I want to find one for both of them for a few weeks each summer)

None of these involved ~*the hottest items to buy for your kids this summer!!*~ and they were all incredibly normal, relatively low cost, and didn’t require overly intensive parenting.

Parents in the 90s had, and I’m making assumptions here, no concept of inadequacy because they were not bombarded with thousands of strangers to compare their lives to. Sure, there were magazines and TV shows, but the act of consuming content like that instead of scrolling and watching must have had a dampening effect on it all. A magazine article giving tips for activities to do with your young kids feels aspirational and inspiring —you can clip them out, save them in a binder, and look at them when you need a dose of rainy day inspiration. A steady stream of, “You’re not enough, you’re not doing enough, you should buy this, you should bring your kids here, etc” is death by a thousand cuts for moms. And dads, but IMHO we moms internalize things more than guys do.

This piece from ScaryMommy encapsulates a lot of my thoughts on the reason why moms had it easier in the 90s and why I’m aspiring to have a 90s mom summer:

I blame social media brain rot.

My mom didn’t have social media or the internet at her fingertips to A) waste her time and B) make her feel bad about herself. She had friends, and she had an actual touch-grass policy that was just a natural thing to do. She cooked meals because she had to feed us and that was the only option, and she didn’t worry about what anyone thought about it.

She didn’t have a choice to skip a work meeting or attend a PTA meeting over Zoom, so she did what she could and was satisfied by that. She had fun with us because she wanted to, not because she was trying to chase some influencer lifestyle. She kept up with our home because she wasn’t battling 800 ideas on the best way to clean your floors and wasn’t receiving Amazon packages in the mail every day of must-have seasonal glassware that she had no room for in her cabinets.

The ‘90s moms just lived their lives. Without all of the conveniences we have, like ordering groceries while in bed or texting our friends instead of walking to their house.

So with June right around the corner, I’m trying my best to embrace the 90s style of parenting, both for my own brain and for the benefit of my kids. And the beauty of this? Perfection was never the goal back then, so if I “fall short” then that’s fine!

Below in the “reading” section I mention the two books I’m reading currently, but if this sounds like your cup of tea, here are some other books I’ve read over the years that might be enjoyable:

The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood Is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness by Jonathan Haidt (bookshop.org, Amazon)

Free-Range Kids: How Parents and Teachers Can Let Go and Let Grow by Lenore Skenazy (bookshop.org, Amazon)

Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children from Nature-Deficit Disorder by Richard Louv (bookshop.org, Amazon)

Balanced and Barefoot: How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident, and Capable Children by Angela Hanscom (bookshop.org, Amazon)

But I’m Bored!: Discover the Power of Independent Play to Raise Confident, Resilient Kids by Lizzie Assa Short (bookshop.org, Amazon)

Until next week, debating getting a landline phone for ultimate 90s vibes,

Amy

Below for paid subscribers: this week in the garden, what's in season at your farmers market or in your CSA box right now, my strawberry rhubarb crisp recipe, and the usual assortment of things I'm making, eating, reading, and loving!