I'm exhausted, and I'm over it

I’ve written this piece several times now in several ways, and each time, I ultimately decided not to post it. It may ruffle the feathers of some people that I like, respect, and consider friends on both sides, which is not my intention, but I’ve reached a point where I just don’t care. As I watch the AI evolution and the controversies around it play out day-after-day, my opinion has also evolved pretty drastically.

I’ll start by saying I’m not anti-AI. I think that the technology has its uses and its place. Before anyone goes digging through my history for a “gotcha,” I openly admit that I’ve experimented with it in some areas. You’ll find AI images of characters from my stories or maybe something generated to fit an article here and there. I’m also a realist. I know that the technology is not going anywhere, and, for example, I’ll have to use it extensively if I ever find a job again (and don’t get me started on the complete mess AI has made of that). And yeah, I’ll still submit my stories to publishers even if the covers are sometimes created with AI. I want my work out in the world. It is what it is, and honestly, some of the AI-assisted covers have been really good. That said, I doubt that you’ll ever see AI images prompted by me here again.

One thing that I’ve always been steadfast on when it comes to AI is that its uses do not include writing fiction or creating music. From the beginning, those have been non-negotiable for me. Let me explain.

I know people who make songs with AI, and I’m not mad at them. In fact, I like a lot of those people. They include some of the folks I mentioned at the top. But I’m also not listening to their songs because I know what it takes to be an actual musician. I’m not a natural talent on guitar. I’ve fought and struggled for every riff and lick that I’ve ever learned or played. Whatever I can or can’t do musically, I’ve earned it, and I have zero respect for songs created from a prompt. Sorry, Suno friends who are reading this. It’s nothing personal, but that’s just how it is for me.

The same can be said for writing. I’ve never struggled with it the way that I did guitar, but I know there are some out there who have. Many of them stuck with it and worked at it because they had a passion to do it, and even when the results are not great, I respect that a hell of a lot more than someone prompting up a story or novel. For me, writing is the fun part. I’m not about to delegate something that I enjoy to a machine. Now, if AI could market and promote effectively, we’d have to talk about that.

I can’t speak as well to art, but I know it’s the same. I’ve always wanted to be able to draw, and I have sketch pads filled with my attempts from my teenage years. I’d say that, over the years, I produced two or three drawings that approached mediocrity. The images I created with AI were actually not bad. When I got the finished product, I thought they were really cool for a while, but I never felt any sense of accomplishment, satisfaction, or ownership like I do when I finish a story or finally nail that lick that I’ve been working on for weeks. Some of it looked good, but I wasn’t really proud of any of it. I didn’t feel like I’d created anything. In fact, I’ve referred to those pictures of my characters as “throw-away” promos. That’s not a term that I’d ever use for any piece of fiction that I’ve written or any piece of music that I came up with.

All of that said, I recognize that there are some legitimate uses of the technology in all three worlds. As an example, I have five or six baby name books on my bookshelf, some 30 or more years old. For decades, my process when starting a project has been to comb through those books and compile a list of names that fit the feel of the story that I can mix and match as I go along. I don’t see any difference between doing that and asking an LLM to give me a list of 100 names of Scottish origin, except for the fact that one takes a couple of hours and one takes about 30 seconds. I don’t see a problem with asking an AI what a typical day in a police detective’s life looks like as research or what the notes of the Byzantine scale are if you want to try playing something different (though, in both cases, you should probably get a second opinion because we all know the clankers are often confidently wrong.) None of that is producing actual artistic work.

I’m on record that I think AI is a terrible thing for the world and the human race. What I’ve seen recently only reinforces that opinion. I believe it’s going to make us incredibly dumb, erode critical thinking skills even further, and ultimately make future generations practically helpless without it. Just this week, I saw an argument on X conducted completely through Grok. It was a long thread, and neither person involved ever made a point of their own. They just kept asking Grok to counter the other person’s argument, which had been made with Grok. Basically, Grok arguing with itself. It was a very dystopian moment for me. On a guitar forum a few weeks ago, I witnessed a guy confidently fighting with experienced luthiers because ChatGPT told him he was correct. He even posted a screenshot from his conversation with the clanker as “proof” that professionals with many years of experience were wrong. Every day, I see people who I consider fairly intelligent sharing AI-created crap that anyone who takes half a second to think should realize is fake. And the problem is only going to get worse as the technology gets better.

I had a conversation over lunch with a friend last week where we were speculating on whether the path we find ourselves on leads to “WALL-E” or “The Terminator.” We laughed about it, but the more I look at how people are using it, the less funny it becomes.

But more than any of that, I’m really just over it. I’m tired of hearing about it. I’m tired of talking about it. I’m tired of the bickering about it. I’m tired of seeing it everywhere.

I’m sick of the hardcore antis who think that using it in any way at all means that everything you’ve done is tainted. I’m sick of them pulling out the torches and pitchforks at even the suggestion someone might be using AI without any need for proof. I’m sick of wondering how I’m going to deal with that inevitable day that someone accuses me of writing with AI despite the fact that I’ve made my living for the last 30 years with words. And, yes, that day is probably coming for all of us eventually unless something changes.

I’m equally done with the other side that believes “it’s just a tool, like any other,” who completely dismiss concerns about it and are quick to say it’s the same thing as using spell check or Photoshop. No, it’s not. I saw a guy last week make the argument, “it’s no different than a tape measure, and we wouldn’t tell a carpenter he couldn’t use a tape measure to build a cabinet.” I’ve never built a cabinet in my life, but I thought I’d give it a try after that. I told my tape measure that I wanted one with three doors and some shelves that would cover an entire wall in my house. It still hasn’t done anything about it. Wonder what I’m doing wrong.

I’m also tired of being told that if I don’t embrace it, I’ll be left behind. Maybe that’s the case, and maybe it isn’t. At this point, if that does prove to be true, I’m not sure I care anymore.

In fact, I don’t know that I really care anymore anyway. I’d rather not have to compete with the thousands of garbage AI-generated books that flood Amazon every day. I’d rather not have my YouTube feed loaded with AI-generated bullshit. I’d rather every post, promo, and ad on my Facebook feed not look exactly the same because it was made from the same AI template. I’d rather not get rejected for jobs “after careful consideration” within an hour in the middle of the night without a human ever laying eyes on my resume. But that’s the world we live in, as shitty and dystopian as it may be.

I’ve got to figure out a way to get back to my old metalhead credo of not caring what anyone else is doing and not giving a single eff what anyone else thinks about what I’m doing. But I’m finding it difficult.

I’m exhausted. I just want to write. I just want to find a job. I just want to live … as a human.