I recently went back to Penn State for a friend’s wedding, and I wasn’t expecting it to feel as emotional as it did.
There’s something about walking through your college town years later that brings old versions of yourself back to life. Add in staying in your childhood home, and suddenly you’re remembering things you haven’t thought about in years.
As I was getting ready that afternoon, I noticed something that would have been impossible for an earlier version of me.
I wasn’t thinking about my body.
That realization almost stopped me in my tracks.
Because there was a time when weddings felt like a final exam in dieting.
I’d spend weeks trying to lose weight beforehand. I’d promise myself I’d eat “better,” cut back on carbs, skip meals, and do whatever I could to feel smaller before putting on a dress. I genuinely believed that if I could just change my body enough, I’d finally be able to relax and enjoy myself.
Instead, I’d show up hungry, exhausted, and already mentally drained. I’d spend the reception negotiating with myself over food, wondering if I should have dessert, promising myself I’d “be good” the next day, and thinking far more about my body than the people whose wedding I was there to celebrate.
Looking back, it’s easy to understand why that cycle kept repeating itself. Restriction made food feel urgent. It wasn’t that I lacked willpower or discipline. My body was doing exactly what bodies are designed to do when they aren’t getting enough nourishment.
This time felt completely different.
I wasn’t trying to earn dinner by skipping meals earlier in the day, and I wasn’t wondering whether my dress made me look smaller. I was thinking about practical things, like whether I’d be comfortable enough to dance for hours and remembering to drink plenty of water because I knew I’d probably enjoy a few cocktails with my college girlfriends. I ate breakfast, lunch, and snacks because I wanted to feel energized, not because I was trying to control what would happen later.
Those choices might sound ordinary, but they completely changed the experience.
Instead of spending the reception stuck in my own head, I got to be fully present. I spent hours on the dance floor screaming Taylor Swift lyrics, laughing until my cheeks hurt, catching up with friends I don’t get to see nearly enough, and celebrating people I genuinely love. When I got home, I wasn’t replaying everything I had eaten or criticizing how I looked in the photos. I was replaying the conversations, the dancing, the hugs, and all of the little moments that made the weekend so special.
That’s the part of healing your relationship with food I wish more people talked about.
People often assume the biggest win is finally loving your body every single day. While body image can absolutely improve, that hasn’t been the most meaningful change for me.
The biggest gift has been getting my attention back.
I still have moments where I notice my body. I still have days when body image feels harder than others. But those thoughts don’t get to monopolize every meaningful experience anymore.
Life starts to feel bigger than your body.
I don’t say that because every day is perfect. I say it because that’s what this work has given me. Healing my relationship with food didn’t give me a perfect body. It gave me more room for connection, more room for joy, and more room to simply be where my feet are.
If you’d like to hear more about this experience, I shared the full story on the Find Food Freedom® podcast. Listen here!
And if this resonated with you, I’d love to invite you to take the next step. Whether you’re just beginning to question diet culture or you’ve been working on your relationship with food for years, you don’t have to do this work by yourself. Our team would be honored to support you. Here’s how you can get started:
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In good health,
Sam
Founder of Find Food Freedom®
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