Service, and grumpiness and baby diapers

I recently found myself in search of baby diapers.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’ve searched for baby diapers before. But they were for my horse. Specifically, for his hoof.

See, newborn sized baby diapers are the perfect size to cover up a bandaged horse hoof, and because they make diapers with all those cool and very nifty press and stick fasteners, they are perfect.

Give me a horse hoof to bandage and I’m your girl.

Send me off on a journey to find specific sized baby diapers for a specific aged baby and I’m lost.

I grew up as an only child (4 different step families of various step siblings came and went, but “went” is the operative word here). And I was drunk during my child bearing years, so here I am, at age 71, with no kids and no grand kids. Other than the ones I’ve adopted here and there over the years, and there’s been a few of those. But they’ve all been adults. At least biologically.

Lest I get too far side tracked, I realize being drunk does not preclude one from getting pregnant. But along with that lifestyle came a promise I made myself to not bring any kids into that mess, and I kept that promise.

Anyway, fast forward to today and I’m searching for not one, but two different sets of baby diapers. I was given a very specific set of instructions: 5T for a two year old girl and size 4 for an 18 month boy.

Ok. Shouldn’t be too hard. I can figure this out. I am woman, hear me roar.

I must side track a bit here. Why oh why do they have to refer to the ages in terms of weeks or months? Why oh why can’t 18 months be a year and a half? GEEZ. I have to count on my fingers to get that math figured out, and while I’m at it, someone please tell me how, with the typical pregnancy lasting 9 months, one has both a two year old and an 18 month old. I’m missing something here. Most likely math. Because I always miss the math. Ok, I’m done digressing for the moment.

Ok, so I’m on a mission to get these diapers. My first thought? Where does one buy diapers anyway? I texted a friend to ask. She’s no help. I realize none of my friends is going to be of any help because they are all waaaay past the age of having babies in the house. Even their grandkids are outside getting into trouble. All of them way past diaper age.

So in true spiritual guru fashion, I let that one go for a while. I release it into the Law that always makes things clear, with full faith that the answer will come if I’m just patient.

Oh, and while I’m here, I write about spiritual stuff, so you know I had to get some spiritual stuff in here somewhere.

Plus, there’s the whole service thing, and a book to sell, so here’s a nice excerpt from my latest book, How to Live Fearlessly Feral, in the section I’ve titled “Service.”

“It is an ancient practice to help others and it is a powerful one, but a word of caution is in order here. Check your motives when helping others.

If you have expectations on what they are going to do with your help, that’s not help. It is an insidious form of manipulation.

If you are trying to control the behavior of others with your help, that isn’t help either. It’s the opposite and that kind of help is toxic.

If you are helping others because you think they need it, that isn’t healthy help either.

If you are helping others to bypass some unpleasantness in your life and avoid addressing that unpleasantness, that will eventually make you sick.

If you are helping others because it’s only when you feel needed that you feel worthy, stop that. That is disempowering for both you and them.

And if you are helping because you think it is the way to your own “enlightenment,” that is a bassakward way of going about things, and it doesn’t work.

And for crying out loud, STOP offering advice unless they ask for it! This is so disrespectful.

Consider that there is a difference between helping and serving.

Helping is like giving advice when it isn’t asked for. I’ve got news for you, giving advice when it isn’t asked for is not appreciated. It is disempowering for both the advice giver as well as the receiver. When you are feeling like you want to give advice, do some introspection and ask yourself what is behind it. What’s the payoff you get from giving unasked for advice? Does it serve you well? What could you do instead?

Helping in general is not appreciated.

But serving! Serving is cool. Serving has no motives, other than the honest desire to do good just because it feels good.”

Buy the Book!

Serving because I simply have a sincere desire to serve: check. So here I am, doing an act of service because someone is in need and I care about that someone.

By this time, that Law I spoke of so mysteriously earlier revealed an answer for me: Walmart. If you want to know more about the Law, call me. I’m trying to stay on track here with my diaper adventure.

So off I go to Walmart. Going where perhaps no slightly grumpy Karen has ever gone before, down the mysterious and slightly scary aisles of baby things to find very specifically sized diapers.

Did I mention slightly grumpy? ChatGPT told me I was slightly grumpy and you know what? He’s right! And he’s a guy because, well, as my hair dresser pointed out this morning, you try being a woman, particularly these days when women’s rights are being taken away and the vice president of our country came right out a few months back and said the only thing post menopausal women were good for was watching the grandkids. You’d be grumpy too. She said she was going to get me a t-shirt that said, “I’m slightly grumpy.” I want it to say, “I’m slightly grumpy. Be very careful.” I’m 71. I can get away with that.

So off I go, grumpy, to venture into territory I would never dream of venturing to, to be of service.

The sizes on the boxes don’t match the sizes I was given. Or if they do, they don’t match the ages I was given.

Did I say grumpy?

So I ask Siri, “Siri, what’s the difference between size 5 and size 5T in diapers?” Siri must be a guy too, because it gave me some long mansplain about the difference being in the length of the diapers and weather or not they (the babies, not the diapers) were toddlers.

Not helpful.

So I paced the aisle, peering at the different boxes of diapers, consulting with Siri some more, and generally getting more and more grumpy.

I even texted my friend who needed the diapers in the first place, who told me his mom was the one who gave him the sizes. Not helpful.

So I pace the aisle some more and then - HALLELUJAH! THERE’S A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE GROCERY AISLE AND IT IS NOT AN ONCOMING TRAIN!

It’s a grandma! Complete with grandpa trailing behind her, hauling the cart. I ask her for help. She says, “Oh, the T stands for toddler!”

Well, duh. All righty then. Why couldn’t Siri have said that?

She then helps me find what I need. Turns out the T diapers are on one side of the aisle and the not-T diapers are on the other side. I’m mystified, but grateful (see how I did that? How I inserted yet another spiritual practice in there?) that I learned my new thing for the day. The T diapers are on a different side of the aisle than the non-T diapers. Put that on your list of new things you learned today if you need something for the list.

So off I go, very proud of myself, with my shopping cart full of 5T and size 4 diapers. Oh, while I’m at it, there must be a lot of size 4 diaper kids running around because I had to ask yet another shopper to reach WAAAAY back on the shelf to grab a box for me. I said, “excuse me sir, can you help me?” He looks at me and without missing a beat says, “do I have to?” And while I’m thinking this guy doesn’t know who the fuck he’s messing with because I’m slightly grumpy Karen today, he then smiles and says, “sure, what do you need?” And I show him where his long arms and tall body could reach that box in the back, he reaches it and gets it out and hands it to me. Easy peasy.

My next task? To get what was termed a “learning toy” for a 5 year old girl getting ready to enter kindergarten.

At least there’s a bit of space between the 5 year old and the two year old. Give that poor mom some time to heal and breathe, will ya? Still slightly grumpy.

At which point I learn that, in Walmart at least, the toys are on the other side of the store from the diapers.

Um, excuse me. You’re gonna make these parental units, who are exhausted already from chasing toddlers around while trying to figure out what size diapers to buy, walk all the way to other end of the store?

All righty then. Off I go. I am still woman, still roaring.

Only to discover one aisle, just one, of toys, all for 18 months old. Still, why they can’t say a year and a half is beyond me.

Nothing for 5 year olds. Except a couple of fancy schmancy things that were priced at $119.

I wanted to do service, not break the bank. Oh, and while I was asking google (by this time I’ve given up on Siri. He’s in the dog house right now) for information about learning toys, I discover the proper term is “educational toy.” All righty then. I learned my second new thing of the day.

So I’m pacing up and down the aisle and finding nothing, so I decide to search on another aisle. And I turn into that aisle and I’m blocked by an entire herd of kids! I counted them. There were seven of them. I looked closer and discovered two parental units with them. I ask the dad, “are these all yours?” He says, “yep.” Well, slightly grumpy Karen is still in the house because I responded with “OH MY GOD!” And off he went, scurrying away from me with his seven kids and his wife, before I could even get a chance to dare to ask him if he could help me find an educational toy for a five year old.

I did not succeed at that particular task. I was hungry and growing grumpier by the minute, so I went home and had lunch.

Spiritually, I did ok today. I honored my grumpiness. I loved it all. I did not judge myself. I did an act of service today, and found some humor in my adventure. I only put my foot in my mouth once. I practiced some gratitude, and I learned a couple of new things.

The day is not yet over, but I’ve had lunch and grumpy Karen is taking a little nap while I’m writing this, so I most likely will not get myself into too much trouble before the day is over.

I hope you have a day with some gratitude. I hope you get a chance to do some service just because you care. I hope you learn something new today. And I hope you love it all, even the grump.

Here’s a picture of said 5T diapers, which I couldn’t resist because they had powerful women cartoon figures on them, AND a bonus: a LEARNING LAYER! Whatever the hell that is.

As for me, I am done learning new things for today and Siri is still in the dog house for mansplaining, so I shall not be asking him what the hell is a learning layer in a diaper.

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