What If Nothing Is Wrong With You?

I have been in many conversations with women recently and we all feel some version of the same thing… perimenopause. It feels like NO ONE gave us any warning about what to expect. It’s as if the elders just pushed it under the rug because, “no one talks about such things”. That is a massively outdated paradigm of secrecy that we are working to change today.

Thankfully we, Gen X women, are the first generation to be talking about the hot flashes, the disrupted sleep, the weight gain, the brain fog, the anxiety, the irritability, and how hormones are causing us to feel like visitors in our own bodies.

Yet as I listen to the women in my community, and work with clients moving through this season of life, I have noticed something interesting, very few of the conversations are only about hormones. What I hear beneath the surface is something much deeper.

Women are questioning relationships that no longer feel aligned. They are reassessing careers they spent decades building. They are grieving identities that once felt certain. They are recognizing patterns of self-sacrifice that are no longer feeling sustainable. They are beginning to ask questions like what happened to me, I was such a go-getter, problem solver and helper to all.

The common response is to try to get back to who we were before. Before we were so tired and yet couldn’t sleep. Before the overwhelm and emotional intensity send us into a cocoon. But what if, what’s wrong with me, is the wrong question?

This is where the lens of Practical Spirituality™ becomes particularly valuable.

One of the challenges I have both personally felt and observed, is the tendency to view experiences through a single framework. Everything becomes either a medical problem to solve or a spiritual lesson to understand. But in reality it is usually more nuanced than that.

For example:

A woman experiencing anxiety may benefit from hormonal support and she may also need stronger boundaries.

A woman struggling with exhaustion may need to improve her sleep. She may also be carrying responsibilities that no longer belong to her.

A woman feeling emotionally reactive may be experiencing hormonal fluctuations and she may also be discovering that her tolerance for abandoning herself is at zero!

These realities are not mutually exclusive.

Practical Spirituality™ recognizes that we are whole human beings. Our physical, emotional, mental, energetic, relational, and spiritual experiences are constantly interacting with one another. So, the question is not whether something is hormonal or spiritual, the question is what is being asked of us in this moment.

For many women, including me, perimenopause seemed to arrive with an unexpected change in our energy. Which means, the practices, routines, and obligations that once felt aligned suddenly feel exhausting. Being social is less appealing as our ability to push through is just, gone!

For years, I lived in a shame spiral that I didn’t even notice. With that awareness I realized that I was giving what little energy I had to continue my life as if I hadn’t changed at all. As if being 52 should somehow look the same as 32. I assumed something was wrong with me which took me to every doctor imaginable. And I always received the same answer, “oh it’s just stress”. How infuriating! Thankfully, as I sit here writing I am happy to say, nothing is wrong with me.

In fact, this season of life is just providing me with evidence that the only constant is change which allows us to find ourselves again. Many women have spent their younger years caring for everyone but themselves. What if this season of our lives is here to help us be more discerning? What if we look at this not as a loss of capacity but instead a realignment so we spend our time and energy in ways that nourish us?

One of the foundational principles of Practical Spirituality™ is that awareness must eventually become integration. Insight is valuable, but only when it changes how we live. Perimenopause offers countless opportunities for that kind of practical application.

· It invites us to listen more closely to our bodies.

· It invites us to reevaluate where our energy is going.

· It invites us to become honest about what is no longer working.

· It invites us to release the belief that our worth is determined by how much we can carry.

Invitations are so much better than expectations aren’t they?

They invite us to develop a deeper relationship with ourselves. Not the version of ourselves that existed twenty years ago, or the version we think we should be, but the version that is taking shape now.

For many women, perimenopause may be one of the most profound opportunities they will ever have to recognize who we are now. In fact, it asks us to stop performing the lives we have outgrown and begin inhabiting the lives we are meant to live. I believe that is why this season feels so disorienting and at the same time, why it holds so much potential.

A Practical Spirituality™ Practice

This week, set aside ten quiet minutes with a journal.

1. Draw a line down the center of a page.

2. On one side, write the heading: What is draining me?

3. On the other, write: What is nourishing me?

Begin to make your list without judgment or the need to change anything immediately.

Pay attention to the people, commitments, expectations, habits, and responsibilities that leave you feeling depleted. Then notice what leaves you feeling energized, peaceful, supported, or more fully yourself. Perimenopause has a way of amplifying what once felt manageable may now feel exhausting. What once felt fulfilling may no longer fit.

Rather than asking, “What’s wrong with me?” consider asking a different question:

“What is this season trying to teach me about myself?”

The answer may not arrive all at once. But if you listen closely, it may reveal the woman you are becoming.