Stop Waiting for People

Dear Paul,

I’m about to have a final round for an F&B director role. The GM asked to meet me at a restaurant a few blocks off the property instead of at the hotel, which I wasn’t expecting.

I’m early. I’m standing on the sidewalk. It’s 30 minutes until we’re supposed to meet, and I don’t want to be presumptuous by going in ahead of him.

I’m writing you from outside the restaurant.

I realize that’s absurd.

On The Sidewalk in Shreveport

Dear Sidewalk,

I just got this message, and I hope this gets to you on time.

Go in.

Sit at the bar. Order something. If there’s no bar, take the table and order there.

You are not being presumptuous. You are a person in a restaurant, which is a major player in the industry you have chosen to build a career in, so how you behave inside is very important.

I know that waiting seems polite.

But in luxury hospitality, there is polite, and there is too polite. For example, being early is polite. Standing outside so he sees you waiting is too polite, and too polite has a different effect than you think.

When he pulls up and sees you standing on the sidewalk in the cold, he doesn’t think how considerate. He feels bad. Now you have made him uncomfortable in the first four seconds, before either of you has said a word, and he will not be able to tell you why.

Now, you would think that would give you an advantage. Great, if he feels bad, he will be extra nice to you. But that is not how human nature works.

I had a friend whose only social media posts were videos of dogs that needed to be rescued before being put down the next day. The videos worked. I felt bad. So much so that I had to unfollow him.

The same thing happens here.

He may be nice and polite to you, but that’s not what you want. You don’t want him or her to pity you. You want them to respect you.

There’s an old story about a CEO who took final candidates to dinner and watched whether they salted their food before tasting it. Everyone loves that story. I think it’s mostly a party trick, but the instinct underneath it is real, and it isn’t about salt.

He’s watching whether you can be comfortable.

Not confident. Comfortable. Those are different, and only one of them can be faked for the length of a dinner.

An F&B director walks into rooms all day that aren’t his. He gets called to tables where somebody’s unhappy. He stands in a lobby at eleven at night with a guest who has a problem and no reservation. Every one of those moments is the equivalent of people waiting on the sidewalk again, and if the answer is to hover at the edge waiting for permission, the property has a problem.

He picked a restaurant to meet you in instead of a conference room on purpose. He’s not testing your resume.

He has already read your resume.

He wants to see what you’re like in a restaurant.

That’s why I’ve never once stood outside. I go in, I sit down, and start the experience.

Sometimes I will even go a step further:

I’ll text them from the bar. Something like:

“Hey, I’m here, no rush at all. I’m having sparkling water. What can I get you?”

Now their drink is sitting there when they walk in.

You are talking to the bartender and say, “Dan, this is Melissa. She just moved here from Los Angeles and really knows her wines.”

In the text, say what you’re having, by the way. Don’t make them guess, and don’t make them go first. Half of people freeze on that question because they’re trying to figure out what you’re drinking. Take that off their plate.

Worst case, they don’t drink coffee, and you laugh about it. Nothing here is a big deal. Nobody has ever lost a job over ordering the wrong beverage.

One last thing: if you are reading this while waiting.

Put your phone away.

The last thing he wants to see when he arrives is you distracted.

You got this!

Paul Fallon
Founder, Fallon Hospitality

P.S. This column runs on your questions. Hit reply and send me yours. You’ll stay anonymous, same as our friend on the sidewalk.