bored.

I posted a rant before I went to bed last night and I woke up to a quarter of a million views, and many prominent shares, so maybe we’re all on the same page.

I said the following (and don’t come at me for swearing please. That is also boring).

Here goes:

“I’m so fucking bored of all of you.

There were incredible bands, and actors, and storytellers, and writers, and comedians, and painters, and fashion designers, and architects, and marketers, and fucking brilliant ideas people, and they were all pitchfork-chased out of the room for being brilliant and NOT boring, by all you boring puritanical talentless wankers, so you can sit around “taking up space” at all the places where amazing art used to happen just opining for hours on end about things that have already been decided.

Things like: “there are many types of lesbians”. NO. There aren’t “many types of lesbians”. There is ONE type of lesbian. A woman who wants to get it on with another woman. We decided this eons ago. Get over it. Move on. It’s done. It’s decided.

“Black lives matter”. Alright, nobody ever said that wasn’t the case. We know already. Let's get on with it now thanks. Get back to business.

“Rape is a spectrum”. No it’s fucking not. Rape is rape, and it’s illegal. Fuck you. Move on. Let’s stop debating it.

“From the river to the sea”. You don’t even know which river and which sea, you dolts. Stop endlessly bleating on about things you don’t understand. Never gonna happen. Move on.

All this time and fucking oxygen you’ve all stolen from people who were using it for the betterment of the world and culture at large, and we’re all bored out of our brains because all that’s left is to try and shut you lot up for giving us all brain damage.”

I could add a lot more examples. Maybe you guys want to chime in. Perhaps you got trapped in a circular conversation you couldn’t get out of at the dog park about the intersectional ethics of dog parks and how to determine your dog’s gender when it can’t bark in English to self-ID. I’m just done, man. I have spent months climbing the walls this summer. All the worst people have invaded everything and everywhere, and littered what was once our world with trash nonsense, much of it made up, as the story of Jason Arday has revealed to us, and people who know better have bought it because they’re worn out.

Arday’s memoir is out this week by the way, according to family wishes. If you review it, you’re a racist. If you review it, you’re a colonialist. If you review it, you’re committing genocide. It’s racist to review Jason Arday’s book but it’s also racist not to review it. If it doesn’t get a Booker Prize, everyone in the UK is a racist.

I have not heard a single album this year that makes me want to disappear for hours on a mountain and write free-form. Remember when you would discover a new band and it was the closest feeling to being an astronaut, like you’d discovered a planet nobody else knew about? Music aside, no TV show sticks. Film? Yeh I liked The Odyssey, but I am not excited by Zendaya and Tom Holland, who are as thrilling as a triangle of gouda. Are we sure they even like each other that much? Like everyone else in a partnership these days, they just seem to be fond. One of those words that lands as blandly as it intends. Fond. Who wants to be fond? I’m fond of my dentist - for being less unpleasant than every other dentist I have encountered.

The standards have evaporated. A while ago there was a tweet going around about how Hunter Schafer, the transwoman, is the prettiest girl ever. Absolutely not. Grace Kelly was the prettiest girl ever. Liv Tyler and Alicia Silverstone in the Aerosmith video for Crazy were the prettiest girls ever. Is there even a bar to set any more? Are we at the floor?

There was an era I faintly recall because I was only alive for less than 20 years of it where the unattainable was absolutely unattainable. You know, when Kate Moss said “nothing tastes as good as skinny feels” and she was a real anorexic, and it took work, not an online-ordered shot.

Why are you glamorizing anorexia?!? come the moral puritans.

I’m not. I’m telling you that there was a life that was not intended to be attained by normal people, because abnormal people who lived outside of any recognizable margins were the only people who could scale the heights of anything that would accrue the type of attention and platform and microphone that now seems to be available to absolutely anyone and everyone. Now everyone can slide into the most unattainable people’s DMs. Ask Lana Del Rey’s husband.

Take the microphones away. Most people have nothing interesting to say, and shouldn’t be sharing every single thing that occurs to them. Other than with their friends and family who have learned to put up with them, and who once upon a time could tell them if and when their delusional ideas should probably stay private for fear that they might not ever meet anyone other than them to keep them company.

It’s like the women of the HR departments have escaped from the office buildings and are now running around policing and controlling all the areas of life that defied any HR department. We annihilated the most talented people for the mediocre non-entities who have the politically correct words coming out of their bog standard undistinguished mouths.

2+2=5

2+2=5

2+2=5

It's not so much the frustration at how dangerously regressive everything has become, it's how monotonous, routine, predictable it is. What was once a popular song, or a blockbuster film, or a dumb reality TV series, is now just whatever-happened-on-social-media-today. And here comes the applause. Stop clapping. Please stop clapping.

Mark Ruffalo. You are so boring.

Queer cult. You are so boring.

Candace Owens. You are so boring.

Mamdani. You are so boring.

#IStandWith. You are so boring.

Rose McGowan peaked as Tatum Riley in Scream when her neck was crushed as she tried to escape Ghostface via the cat-flap of the electric garage door. By all means, keep the serial sex offenders behind bars, but in their absence please make something worth paying attention to you again. You’re not cutting edge, OK? You’re a dull pair of scissors carving up everything that was special about our beautiful gorgeous exciting world. Some losers are supposed to stay losers. It’s not progressive. It’s conservative. Bring back real shame; shame for being boring, for being an idiot, for repeating thick slogans that don’t make any sense. You’re all viciously stupid.

Here’s a video of me taking some transgender activists to task a few weeks ago. These people have made the world fatally boring. Close the feed. They scream about tolerance while banishing anyone from their debating space who may challenge the madness of their views. Look how much we are missing out on while morons rule the planet. These will be remembered as the years of the Great Empty. A whole lot of nothing.

I’m gonna go listen to The Velvet Underground or something. A Gen Z asked me “what’s that?” a few months ago.

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