Community for Solitary Folks

As an introvert who requires a lot of solitude to feel like I can hear my own thoughts, the repeated refrain of the need for community has sometimes left me feeling guilty, or ashamed. Like I am not doing enough to be present in physical spaces with other suffering humans. I deeply love people, and do enjoy the few small groups of humans I belong to, but is that enough?

As the events of this week unfold, and the truth of how far down the slope of autocracy we have slid becomes painfully clear, I am feeling the warmth of the humans that have been part of my own web of mutual aid, support and hope.

The handful of close friends I text with every day. My dear friend and spiritual guide that I see for a few hours every week. The clients I have seen via zoom and emailed with through the week. The messages of hope and support I’ve received and sent in social media communities, the beautiful beloved ones and family members I live with and see often. My magical family all over the world who I think of and send healing energy to every day.

This web of support is perfect for me, and I am not isolated. The deep and powerful conversations I have with clients, friends and family, the healing work and practical support we offer each other, is what it’s all about. The messaging about never doing enough, or not doing it right, is just another propaganda campaign to keep us paralyzed in a shame spiral.

If you are someone who is called to organize community events, minister to large groups, teach community classes and workshops, thank you. Your work is so important. If you are a solitary creature, like me, don’t be ashamed of your nature. Lean into the networks of support where you know you belong, and where you can be a place of belonging for others.

As the realities of our situation become clearer, and continue to escalate, we will need each other more and in deeper ways. I believe in the pulse of life that wants to survive and thrive, even in the harshest conditions. That pulse of life follows webs of relationship, collaboration, inspiration, hope and love. Let’s be a node in that web. A point of exchange. A place where light and warmth and hope and practical resources move and get connected to people who need them, including ourselves. If that is something you want to do anonymously, by dropping off supplies at the animal shelter or doing contactless meal deliveries for seniors or writing postcards to bring awareness to the issues facing us, that is just as impactful, just as necessary, and just as valuable as the extroverted and visible community work that we count on and appreciate in our communities.

We are in a time of recalibration and tremendous change. Being connected to other beings who we can co-regulate our nervous systems with is a huge part of the formula of resilience. For me, I co-regulate really well with dogs, cats, plants, moving water, expansive vistas, and small groups of loving people. I know that my regulated nervous system is a gift to the other beings in these spaces with me, too. We help each other. We ground each other. We embolden each other. We are better together. And when things get really hard, or dangerous, I can feel that web of beings around me, as part of me, and I feel courageous.

Finding meaning, purpose, hope and courage in these times is what will give us the capacity to play the long game. If you need an extra support person in your corner, I see clients on Zoom every Friday. We can talk about anything you’d like. We are not alone.

Together in remembering our goodness,

Eryn