I don't know what I want

Summer has been an unexpected month of learning for me, I feel like a whole year passed in July and I’ve surfed every emotion possible under the sun. As dusk falls earlier with each passing day, I’m reminded of how summer will spill into autumn, and I feel a need to reflect on what summer has taught me so far, what she’s brought to light. Perhaps you can relate to some of these too.

I’m unsure what I want. I’ll often open my laptop and have twenty tabs open. My room is tidy, but my desk draws are overflowing with unfinished projects, scripts and scraps of paper. My brain, funnily enough works the same. I’m unsure of what I truly want out of life, because I want to do so many things and live so many lives. I think there’s nothing wrong with that, in fact I like how prone I am to dreaming, but it does mean I feel like I’m constantly tripping over potential rather than standing on action. Although I still am unsure with what I want, this summer has made me increasingly aware of what I value, and I’m going to use that as my North Star. Hopefully, by the end of August, by holding what I value in mind, I’ll have been able to close a few of those tabs, and have a clearer desktop.

travel as a form of reconnection. taking a solo walking trip at the start of July was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The trip really allowed a lot to click for me, as I’ve written about more in depth here. Travel, language and culture forms a core part fo my being and I vow to find nuggets of adventure wherever I can throughout the rest of life.

I value community and would like to build my own. Over the course of summer I’ve felt part of a few wonderful, vibrant communities that honestly have made my heart sing. I love the way that community allows for connection without pressure. It feels natural for people of all ages and backgrounds to gather and simply be. Community is something that humans need, and in an increasingly virtual world, jumping out of your internet echo chamber and into life feels like a breath of fresh air. Inspired by communities I love, I really feel a desire to build something myself.

gentle persistance really does win. Waves, silky water, carves through rock not because of a singular violent storm, but because of centuries of soft persistence. It splits through stone with steady rhythm. With persistence you gradually tap into something deeper. Whatever it is for you, keep going, gently.

go online to get offline. social media has connected me to so many things, people, places this summer. but it is a tool, a means of transport, not a home to sit and stay in.

things are most special because of the story you attach to them. During my first evening in Spain on the Camino, I realised I’d forgotten my walking shorts. Panicked, I stumbled down to a little Spanish second-hand store and found some €2 beige, levis shorts. I love those shorts infinitely. I’d say they’re perhaps my favourite item of clothing in my closet. They’re invaluable to me, because they’re part of my own personal story. You don’t need to spend a fortune to have special things. You give value to things, not them to you.

Have a lovely rest of your summer, and do hit reply and let me know any of you own summer epiphanies I’d love to hear them:)

Lots of love,

Eloïse x