What moving countries taught me about the village

We have arrived in Switzerland!

Through the never ending sorting, clearing, packing, unpacking, admin, researching, googling, translating and asking for advice, we are here!

After months of living in someone else’s home whilst we navigated all of this, we have our own space again and wow, does it feel good!

We can imagine and anticipate how things might work out, but we never know until we are living it – that’s what makes these big changes quite so nerve-wracking. Stepping into the unknown and out of our comfort zones is something us humans are conditioned to avoid because it brings risks and uncertainty.

But right now, it feels like the risk we well and truly worth it. I cannot quite believe how settled I feel after 12 days living here. I am not sure whether it’s finally having most of our belongings in one place, or if it’s something deeper - living in a country my grandparents are from. I will never quite know but I am soaking the feeling in.

Alongside the sense of feeling at home, there is a whole heap of cognitive load going on! There is so much to learn as we settle into a new country, from where to go shopping (or where not to go), what health insurance we need, setting up bank accounts, travel cards, driving on the other side of the road and sitting in the other side of the car to do this (I have gone to the passenger door to drive the car more times than I care to disclose)! Discovering which play parks and swimming pools to go to, how to use everything in our new home (from what light switch does what and how to use the oven), to the enormous challenges of learning a new language.

It is safe to say my head feels full of all the new information but I also realise my heart feels full too! Exploring this all as a family, is really exciting. We have been so fortunate to be welcomed by some wonderful people, from a friend leaving a cool box of supplies for the day we arrived, to a neighbour popping in to see how we are getting on and bringing me gluten free flour when I mentioned I had found it difficult to find. I have also found people so willing to help, and I am not sure if this is because we have moved to an expat area where people really understand what it is like to move country or a cultural norm here. People have been so willing to share their best tips and I even started to talk to someone in a play park and she took me and my children to another brilliant play park nearby.

I have been blown away by how much more relaxed and trusting people are here. I ended up holding someone’s baby for them while they tended to their upset toddler, after meeting them 10 minutes earlier. And looking after someone else’s daughter while she went to pick up her son the same day we met them.

I am aware we are in the honeymoon phase, and it currently feels like a holiday (a much more admin heavy one albeit) where we have arrived in this beautiful country and are exploring the local area in gorgeous sunshine.

But more than enjoying the holiday feeling, it is confirming something I have long known, on a research and clinical level: that our environment really does matter.

We can tolerate so much as human beings but where we live and who we live with has a significant impact on our health. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs speaks brilliantly to this - in addition to meeting our physiological needs of food, water and shelter, we need a sense of safety followed by a sense of love and belonging. If these needs are not met, it is incredibly difficult to build a sense of confidence and fulfilment in our lives.

If there is a level of stress in our environment, our bodies pick up on it. This can be directly from the people we live with or are close to. As well as the interactions from our neighbours, people in our local community, work colleagues, people at our children’s school. If we feel judged, criticised or unsupported in any way, it impacts us and can put us in a state of hypervigilance.

So as I start a life in a new country, with my husband, two children and dog, I am revelling in being in a country that seems to be much calmer and more positive, where it is the norm to get outside everyday and to rest regularly (without feeling like you need to earn it first).

I am focusing on building our village because I know how important a sense of belonging is, and because I am very aware I am not supposed to do this on my own. This requires a heap of bravery when I reach out to people – messaging people on Facebook and school WhatsApp groups, or talking to people in a play park (and wondering if they will be able to speak any English as I am slowly getting my German good enough to hold a conversation). It reminds me of all the other times I have felt ‘new’ in my life - from school, to university, to new jobs – and that sense of vulnerability when you put yourself out there and wonder if people will welcome or reject you.

And throughout all this I have been reflecting on what has given me the confidence to take this leap of faith to relocate. It has not happened by accident. It has been a culmination of understanding myself and becoming more assured in myself, my abilities and the importance of meeting my needs. This has come through therapy, matrescence coaching and feeling supported at a deeper level with those around me. With this support I have felt able to do hard things, that ultimately align so much better with the life I want to lead.

It has been an incredibly stressful few months leading up to this point, but it is feeling worth it right now, and I am looking forward to sharing more with you as the journey unfolds.

With love,

Ellie