Levity vs. Acrimony

We react to stimuli. We have ingrained responses to threats. Some that we keep locked inside, and get triggered even when there is no threat. All humans, and most animals, have innately wired reactions to potential threats. Fight-or-Flight is universal.

When someone threatens you, you now have permission to respond in a way that helps you and not scares the bejesus out of you. I am suggesting a long-term effort to improve on your old wired reactions to start a shift into some new reactions, that become hard wired over time.

Here’s what I mean:

The body makes it EASY to get mad at something that pisses you off, scares you, insults you, disses you, or sarcasm’s you into a tizzy. Kind of like how your body automatically guides your senses to the negativities in the world. Seeing atrocities, hearing bad news, smelling acrid aromas, tasting the bitterness in the bitter-sweet grapefruit, or touching something sticky However, the skills needed to scope out the sweetness in bittersweet chocolate (did you know that adding some teriyaki and garlic, with a drizzle of olive oil makes adequately baked brusell sprouts DE-lish..?), or touching something warm and soothing, or hearing a bird sing in Spring, or notice the beauty hidden in the world is much more difficult.

Why is this? Answer: we were never taught this from a young age. No role models to guide our attention to savor the sweet joy that comes from finding and truly enjoying the positives as we go about our lives. Well, that sucky habit changes NOW. You are now ______ [this years old] and have the opportunity to gift yourself some well deserved balance in life.

The next time your kid smart-mouths you, or a family member criticizes you, or even your partner is playfully mean, use this technique for world peace upon yourself.

Purposefully use levity to address acrimony.

Acrimony: anger and bitterness : harsh or biting sharpness especially of words, manner, or feelings.

Levity: lightness of mind, character, or behavior; lack of appropriate seriousness.

You have heard the old adage. "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar." Well this is a new twist to catch more of what you really want, not to catch flies. More like catch acquiescent admiration and mutual respect.

Here’s how it works.

• Step One - plan to attempt this technique in advance. Pick an example that has reared its ugly head more than once. Picture in your mind what you would like to have said when that last thing irked you, and worked your last nerve.

• Step 2 - practice saying something out loud, so your ears hear it, to set a new wired pathway, to bring it up more easily next time.

• Step 3 - give yourself enough me time to savor the new feeling you get from practicing saying the new response. Let your mind test out your new future reaction and measure the positive outcome. As Ted Lasso would say, “BELIEVE.”

For example, something like this: You are driving with your spouse to have dinner with their boss. A comment flies out saying. “Oh great, we have to stop for gas. You could have filled up this after noon before we left. Now you are making me late!”

Ohh, you can feel the burn of blame building, about to let loose. Then you remember, you have a secret one liner to spout back to ease the tension. You calmly say, “Honey, no worries. I figured that a phone call while on the way will win you some extra brownie points, and a glass of wine awaits us ; )

Okay, that might be glib, but you diverted the tension for a minute. You will probably choose a better comeback than my example, but you get the drift. A light hearted droplet of levity goes a long way when addressing some unneeded acrimony.

Let me know in the comments about your particular choice when you use this technique that may just save your marriage. Or at least serve as a pleasant memory.

The more you practice, the smoother you get. When it comes to acrimony, the smoother the better. Enjoy the diversion skills, and start smiling more than you frown.