Smile

I first noticed the two girls after parking in front of the grocery store. Wearing crisp shirtwaist dresses, pantyhose and Mary Jane flats, with their hair slicked down, adorned with bows. They looked to be about 10 and 12. A woman handed them each a clipboard, preparing them for their task.

“Oh crap,” I thought. I don’t like being accosted when going in or out of the store. Many times the signatures or money being asked for are actually things I support, but going to buy groceries is my least favorite chore and I want to get in and out. I’ve trained myself to walk fast and say, with a smile, “Sorry, not today.” My nature is to smile and acknowledge people, so it’s awkward for me to rush by.

But on this day my heart went out to those girls. Not yet able to form or choose their own path, they were being publicly paraded as the front to whatever cause they were involved in. I went into the store, purchased my items, and prepared myself to go out. I already knew I would stop and see what they were doing.

As I exited the store, the taller girl caught my eye. I could see that she was shy and uncomfortable. I spoke first, saying, “Hi! What are you doing today?” She quietly replied, “Hi, my name is Anna, and we’re raising money for curriculum and supplies for our [private Christian school].” (I don’t remember which organization it was for.) I smiled at her and said, “I can’t give you anything today, but good luck.”

I hope I conveyed to her that there are kind people all around, and that while I didn’t support her cause, I supported her. In that brief moment, perhaps she could sense that one day she’d be empowered to make her own choices. That there is a world outside of her small bubble. That one future day she’d herself smile at a child doing what she was being forced to do, knowing she’d find a way to expand her mind and world view.

My religious upbringing was in a church that’s headquarters were local. Not a cult, but with some unique characteristics. In the 1990s the church split apart as one faction wanted to stay with old teachings, and another faction wanted to take a more progressive approach of inclusivity and equality. That coincided with my divorce, and as I moved to a bigger city and became more involved with new friends and activities, it no longer met my need for community. However, if a church is what someone needs, then there are plenty to choose from. Finding community where one feels safe and included is an important part of our social world.

If you’re interested in reading about someone who was raised in a severe religious cult and escaped, I highly recommend “Unfollow,” by Megan Phelps-Roper. It gives an inside look at what those people you’ve seen protesting at funerals of veterans and gay events, etc. are thinking and feeling while they’re there. They begin life doing this, as small children, and grow up knowing nothing else. It’s only as some of them rebel as teens and leave that they can look back and realize how intensely they were indoctrinated, and how hard it is to leave their families behind.

My thought today is about the power of a smile. Look into the eyes of a stranger and smile. Smile while doing your tasks, smile and wave to your mail carrier. We have no idea what any one person is going through at any moment in time. A smile costs nothing but goes a long way.