just random thoughts sometimes... nothing coherent. i write about szpd, my emotions, sometimes feminism/politics and my curiosities. thank you for vis...
i had this period when i was 16-17 where i was deeply obsessed with philosophical thought and believed that if i read enough of it i would discover some fundamental secret about reality that’d ‘fix’ me, or at least enable me to cope in some better way. but i think one of the biggest blackpills of most philosophy is that you need some level of socialisation, of real world experience, in order to…
i feel like the western obsession with romantic love is symptomatic of the absence of community we experience in our socially isolating lives. it is harmful in so many ways, because it minimises the importance of other forms of love and trivialises non-romantic relationships. it also harms people who are actually in romantic relationships by sending the message that your romantic partner should be…
if you dismiss political activism as belonging solely to the easily offended and overly emotional, you've been sold a false narrative designed to neutralize you, by someone, probably an older and richer person than you, who'd prefer it if you just kept quiet and did what you were told.
i fucking hate conversing and other people and being forced to interact but the reality rn is i need to see more people. more REAL LIFE people. i cant keep existing in my little bubble irl and on the internet and slowly be polluted with sociological debates and brainworms that make me feel nauseous and reclusive and second guess everything. i want to clean whatever 10 years of internet based…
maybe you could change, maybe you could choose differently, but then why don't you? how many years of not choosing does it take before this is just who you are
i've found that that deeply set "loneliness" is not actually loneliness in the usual sense - for me at least. i've found that it is simply a general yearning for ... something. for most people that something can be filled by the want for connection, but for a schizoid it is left to be an empty want. forever mysterious and unfulfilled. i wonder what that is.
you always leave first because you learned a long time ago that if you ruin it on purpose it hurts less than being surprised. maybe what really breaks you is the way no one has ever tried to stop you, not once, not with any real force, like every time you pulled back you were half-hoping to finally meet someone who would reach in. now what you have is this: a strange talent for loving people in…
the only thing worse than being uninformed is lacking any type of intellectual curiosity and condemning those who do possess that trait or institutions who offer to satiate it. i understand the education system in many countries is incredibly flawed, however the benefits of the subjects taught go undervalued. they should be a baseline imo—and at a certain point u really have to stop blaming…
no matter what i do to ignore it, recently i have become hyper aware of the crippling realisation that i do not think i will ever be truly fulfilled in the way my mind demands it. im often overcome with a sense of disconnection and emptiness, something i’d coin through the term ‘intellectual loneliness.’ it stems from the sense that there is nothing 'real' to me. like, tangible inside of my…
i think over the past few months and perhaps for years, the internet has increasingly decayed. chatrooms and online spaces, specifically, just do not have the same essence that they once did long ago. this is almost heartbreaking really, because the internet and the online world became my home and my comfort when i never had one in real life. it was the place to come back to and know it would…