Fourth Quarter Realities

Though I have never spent much time thinking about it, my vision has always been to do my best to live well for 100 years.

My frame of reference has been seeing my life as four blocks time where each one was defined by my focus—I will call them quarters, even though life doesn't fit neatly into 25-year spans of time.

My criteria for ‘living well’ is simple—my health span matches my life span and I never become a burden to anyone (though I realize that is something over which I do not have complete control).

Like most people, the first quarter of my life was focused on completing my education in preparation for my professional career. It lasted for 27 years and ended when I joined the faculty of the University of Illinois.

The second quarter carried me through my time on the faculties of the University of Illinois and Cornell University and was focused on teaching, research, and program development/leadership. It consumed a decade and led me to discovering what I really loved and wanted to do for the rest of my career.

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My third quarter was spent as a speaker, coach, and consultant and spanned three decades. I thrived on the independence of being on my own (aka without daily bureaucratic battles), fueled by the energy of helping people solve problems, create visions for their futures, and thinking bigger about what was possible.

Transitioning into my fourth quarter…

If you’ve been reading my recent posts, you already know I am about to begin the third year of my fourth quarter. So far it has been relatively unfocused, and I am just beginning the process of figuring out my purpose for this stage of my life.

The only tangible output I’ve created so far has been my posts here—several of which highlighted some of the work I did near the end of my third quarter.

That work deeply impacted me and those I was privileged to engage with while doing it. It helped me heal from childhood trauma, make peace with my past, and live a more fulfilling daily life.

Where my previous transitions between quarters have been clearly defined and somewhat typical, this one has always felt different.

On the one hand, it was liberating to have more freedom of choice and fewer obligations. At the same time, it’s often felt more empty than I realized it would as I’ve struggled to create a comfortable rhythm.

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Realities I had not considered…

Since I spent very little time thinking about what my fourth quarter would look like, it’s not surprising that the journey has revealed some things I didn’t anticipate…

• The amount of time you spend waiting — Life now features far more frequent situations where things move glacially slow and you have zero control over the process.

• The conversations you never thought you’d have — Casual conversations revolve around the topics you shuddered to hear your parents talk about (and hoped you never would), yet now they are almost routine.

• Yet another (redundant) form to complete — After years of typing and not maintaining your handwriting skills, you struggle filling out yet another form asking questions that assume you remember every random event you’ve ever experienced.

• Your body develops annoying, persistent, and seldom silent voices — One day it’s your hip, the next your shoulder, the next who knows where…just another incidence of your body reminding you things are changing, and that past accidents and incidents have long impactful memories.

• You start questioning everything — You spend a lot of time wondering whether all the tests, pills, conversations, ice packs, heating pads, rubs, potions and so forth provide anything beyond brief bursts of endorphins to mask a newly felt pain or a bit of insight into things caused by past choices you can’t undo.

The list could go on, but the point has been made — those things you once heard your elders speak about and never envisioned experiencing, let alone talking about, are now fodder for regular conversations.

And I’m pretty sure I’ve barely scratched the surface regarding what lies ahead…

MH