I Don't Know Where To Begin

Hello again. It’s been a very long time. I don’t even know where to begin.

When I put the newsletter on a hiatus last May, I expected to be gone 1-2 months, tops. I was burned out after nearly five months of taking care of my mother and her affairs. Putting out the newsletter, even just one installment a week, was proving to be too much for me at the time. The idea was to take a bit of time for myself and then write a few ambitious pieces, which I would publish after my self-imposed hiatus was over. When I announced the break, I thought the worst of the situation with my mother was behind me and I just needed some time to recuperate before picking up where I had left them off. 

Unfortunately, I was wrong. There were more hospitalizations and crises—including massive check fraud on my mother’s account that took months to mop up—and by the time I had resolved all of these issues, I was completely wiped out, unable to think straight, much less compose coherent sentences for a good long while. People who know me well know that writing is one of the most important things in my life. For me to be unable to produce work regularly was a sign that something was terribly amiss.

I did manage to get a few things out there in 2023, stories about Simone Biles’ fantastic return to competition, for Texas Monthly. (If you missed them, they’re here, here, and here.) It felt good to dip my toe back in but I still struggled to return to a regular pitching and writing practice. The longer this fallow period went on, the harder I found it to get started again in any kind of a meaningful way.

As 2024 got underway, I’ve been trying to do more writing while also being patient and kind to myself in the process—which is definitely not my “normal.” (I published this profile of B-boy Jeffro, who just qualified to Paris and a Q&A with the Oklahoma head coach KJ Kindler right before OU’s unexpected elimination in the NCAA semifinals.) The whole time, the thought of this newsletter was at the back of my mind. I felt guilty that I had left things the way I had—promising to return and then not following through on my word. (Not that I’ve received any emails or communication from any of you complaining that I had disappeared. This guilt comes entirely from me and my Jewish upbringing.) 

Yet even as I’ve been doing more writing and pitching again, I still couldn’t bring myself to send out a newsletter because I couldn’t answer for myself—and for all of you—what this project should be going forward and whether I could sustain it over the long term.

But with the Olympics now upon us, I’ve decided to briefly resurrect the newsletter and send out a few installments because there are still some ideas I’d like to explore. I won’t be charging because I’m not able to promise to send these out with any kind of regularity. 

Anyway, it’s good to be with you guys again. Onward to the 2024 Games.