It shouldn’t be this hard. It shouldn’t be this strenuous, this complicated. Every act of breathing shouldn’t be laced with stress and pressure and anxiety. I shouldn’t be overthinking every word, every phrase, every deed. I shouldn’t be analyzing absolutely everything.
And yet. Sometimes things are hard because they matter. Because they’re important. Because the stakes are high and deeply meaningful.
“When we experience panic,” Stephen Pressfield says, “it means we’re about to cross a threshold.” It means some part of us can no longer be held by what we’ve always known. It means we’re moving into the uncertainty of growth. That we can no longer be who we’ve been, but who we will be is shrouded in ambiguity. It means that the question of “what comes next?” is one we must become comfortable in not answering.
The weight isn’t always a warning. The difficulty isn’t a sign of failure or inadequacy. It’s proof of the cost of caring. It’s simply what it feels like to stand at an un-nameable door that we know could change everything. That our hands are on a handle we’re frightened of turning, because we’re scared of fucking it up and ruining everything.
But there’s a difference between concern and desperately squeezing. A white-knuckled grip is a kind of self-sabotaging. It guarantees we’ll lose the very thing we’re begging not to leave.
Loosening isn’t indifference or apathy. It’s faith. It’s trust. It’s belief. Not in the ending or the outcome. Not in a happily-ever-after or a guarantee, but a confidence in the uncertainty. An assurance in the not-knowing. That we are willing to work with the unanswerable.
Sometimes things are hard because the door is the realest thing. But you don’t have to force it open. You just have to let go enough to step through it.
May you trust the weight of what you’re carrying.
May you be at peace with the questions that are unanswerable.
May you stand at the threshold and know that this is exactly where you’re supposed to be.
In case no one’s told you today, I love you with all my everything.
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.