I found something in an old journal…

Last night, while organizing some books, I picked up an old journal. Confused about why it was in the pile, I did what any normal person would do — I opened it.

It landed on 05.25.2021, so I started to read.

It begins with me talking about how sore I was from running on wet sand at the beach — which apparently is no joke when you haven’t done it in a long a** time. (Exactly how I wrote it.)

Then I got to a part I knew I had to share with you. It was inspired by a few tarot cards I’d pulled earlier that day with an amazing human. I wrote:

I’m becoming electric, so I should give no thought to what everyone else is doing.
I am becoming sane in an insane world and will be looked at as insane, but it’s okay — that’s normal for me.
I must do what I want, no matter how off the rails it might seem, and trust myself because everything will always turn out okay.

I smiled to myself while I continued reading.

Here I was being encouraged to be my authentic self no matter how I looked to other people.

Honestly, I used to be very skeptical of doing a lot of things because I feared how I would be scrutinized by strangers, but the more I’ve grown, the more I realize that fear was all in my head.

No one cared what I did — not then and not now. If what I’m doing doesn’t benefit them, they’ll look away. If it does, they’ll pay attention. Either way, I have zero control over what other people do.

My only job is to show up as myself without pretense — and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

A year and a few months after writing that entry, I started my YouTube channel (October 22, 2022), and that advice stuck with me to this day.

It’s okay if I look insane to other people — I’m doing what feels right to me.

I stopped holding myself back from doing the things I wanted and did them to the best of my ability. I’ve made mistakes, fallen into plenty of ditches, laughed, and kept going.

I’m just figuring life out as I go because no one handed any of us a handbook on how to be human.

It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to pivot a thousand times. It’s more than okay to keep trying new things. But what’s never okay is not doing what you want because it feels too difficult.

I celebrated my three years on YouTube on a very windy day, and even though the wind blew my candle out a few times, it made the moment even more special. I wouldn’t have changed a thing.

In the episode, I celebrate the journey, the lessons, and the courage it takes to choose the things you love.

You can watch the film here: