Red Toe Nails!

Style is like a sense that, in one way or another, we cannot help but use. It’s our individual interface with the world, a personal art form; clothes and accessories are media. Your personal style presents a composition that is, in itself, a snapshot of your mood, what you value, who you are, who you are becoming. Style matters because we each need to be ourselves, not just inside, not just in the work we do, or during the other activities of our lives, but all over, all the time.

We all gravitate towards certain things. One 40 year old woman really intends to buy a black dress but is only attracted to navy or brown. Another 30-ish woman wishes she could just wear her jazz sneakers with her bridesmaid dress.

When the first woman tries on a black dress, she may feel she looks pale or old. Friends may insist she is hot in that LBD but while she can see the dress is amazing, it just doesn’t do it for her; if only it came in dark navy. The second woman tries on flats and heels of various heights. She sees they are gorgeous, but she lights up when she sees the red glitter Doc Martens.

What we gravitate towards has personal meaning. On some level, we know who we are or, at least, who we want to be. We associate certain meanings with what we wear. Certainly trauma and loving experiences build our associations but so do average, moderately pleasant memories. We gravitate towards what feels right. We need to recognize ourselves, to be solid in who we are. When we are solid, we can go through the day without thinking about what we’re wearing or concerning ourselves with what others think.

I once worked with an entry-level paralegal who was about 15 years younger than me and convinced that I had no sense of current fashion. I was amused and began to present myself at her office door each morning so that she might assess my outfit. Very soon she became uncomfortable judging my outfits. The day that she recognized she was wearing a plastic version of the leather belt I wore, she laughed and said, “I can only hope to dress as fashionably as you do.” But my aim was never to dress fashionably. When I wanted to add something to my wardrobe, I simply chose the best iteration of what was available if, and only if, it was right for me. And “right for me” meant the belt, or other item, felt as if it was waiting for me and I could see that it would enhance my life,

WHERE FASHION TELLS US HOW WE OUGHT TO BE,
STYLE USES ELEMENTS OF FASHION
TO EXPRESS WHO WE ACTUALLY ARE.

Style is an expression of personal identity; it welcomes new design if, and only if, a particular design expresses me. That belt, which I still own and wear, expresses me.

Exercise 1

Think of something you own and wear (including seasonal items) that makes you feel happy, excited, or joyful.1 Clothes, jewelry, makeup, nail colour, etc. all count. It might be helpful to ask yourself: What would I keep if I only had 15 minutes to decide? What do I look forward to wearing? Set a timer, and choose one or more things that respond to your question.

Now repeat the exercise but choose something you don’t like or something you wear when you feel sad, lonely, angry or just blah.2

Then ask yourself about each choice, Why this? There are no right or wrong answers. All that matters is the truth. And as you grow and change, you may find something that was important to you/worth leaving behind today will not be a year from now. Make a brief note of your impressions.3

Example 1: I love red toenails. When I see them, they make me smile. I feel like a teenager on a hot Summer day in NYC ready to go to the beach. I want to dance all the way there. The association is so strong that even in winter, I wear flip flops indoors as much as possible.

Example 2: I can’t stand self belts/ties on dresses/jackets/skirts/etc.4 I always switch them out for a real belt. I don’t even use a self belt on my raincoat; it’s packed away somewhere to be used in some future project. Self belts feel unfinished, ill-considered. They just crease and become smaller and less belt-like as the day goes on.. A leather or metal belt adds edginess; they make the garment more me.