You can't force someone to heal.

Before we get into this week’s newsletter, I’d like to announce that my group practice are now accepting new therapy clients in NY, NJ, & FL!

If you’re interested in a free consultation, click below.

Now, let’s begin…

Constantly playing tug of war with your loves ones?

If so, sit tight and let’s talk about the burden of trying to make others heal who are not ready to change themselves.

You probably know the frustration of wanting to help someone more badly than they want to help themselves.

It hurts watching someone you love carry pain you can see clearly.

This could even be the pain you may have carried yourself. The pain you’ve healed. And as you’ve healed, you’ve noticed that healing is possible for your loved ones too.

So you do what any loving family member would do. You give them the books, send them the podcast, find them a therapist. Anything that can relay the message.

And still, nothing changes.

It’s one of the most frustrating experiences a cycle breaker experiences. Breaking cycles before everyone else does and the added burden of trying to help them to change.

Here’s the piece that so many of us miss: healing begins with a person’s own reckoning. They have to reach their own rock bottom in order to become sick enough of their own situation.

You can’t be sick of their circumstances for them. They have to feel it in their own gut.

In the language I use with my clients: people change when the cost of their pain becomes more unbearable than the cost of their comfort. Not before.

It’s unfortunate, because as we learn what healing can do for us, we want it for the people we love. But wanting it for them will never be enough.

That means that you have to tolerate the distress of seeing them continue in their own patterns. The patterns you now clearly see. You see them more clearly because your own healing work sharpens your ability to recognize dysfunction. Now that you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it.

But that doesn’t mean stepping back and doing nothing. It means shifting what you offer them.

It means offering presence without pressure and modeling healing instead of managing their healing journey for them.

And don’t be mistaken…none of this is passive. It is, in many ways, the harder work, because it asks you to hold love and limits at the same time.

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REFLECTION QUESTION

Where in your life are you carrying the responsibility for someone else’s healing, and what might become possible if you gently set that responsibility down?

For other ways for us to connect, you’re warmly invited to explore the following offering:

New therapy slots available in my practice for adults and teens (via Telehealth in NJ, FL, & FL) → Schedule a Free Consultation

FYI, we may have a new look and feel to this newsletter soon. Be on the lookout for the same great tips with new packaging.

Until soon,

Dr. Mariel