Reading · Break the Cycle with Dr. Mariel

Before we get into this week’s newsletter, I’d like to announce that my group practice are now accepting new therapy clients in NY, NJ, & FL!
If you’re interested in a free consultation, click below.

Now, let’s begin…

We’re connected all day…

We get pinged on our phones nonstop when a friend reacts to your story or someone sends a meme, or when someone sends a message on the group chat. By evening, you’ve exchanged words with dozens of people.

But if you have a tough moment that same night, you’re not sure who to call.

There’s something that kind of explains this, called the loneliness paradox.

The loneliness paradox is the experience of being constantly connected to people while still feeling emotionally alone.

We can know what someone ate for lunch, where they went on vacation, and what show they’re watching without knowing whether they’re struggling…or letting them know that we are.

It’s a modern day dilemma that many of us experience at some point or another and can lead to greater feelings of aloneness.

Share Break the Cycle with Dr. Mariel

Loneliness is often confused with being alone. But they aren’t the same thing.

Solitude can be restorative. Some people live alone, spend long periods of time by themselves, and feel deeply connected to others.

Meanwhile, someone else can feel lonely at a crowded party, inside a busy workplace, or even in a long-term relationship.

Numbers don’t really matter here, because loneliness is less about the number of people around us and more about the gap between the relationships we have and the relationships we need.

And unfortunately for us, modern life has also weakened some of the structures that once made connection more routine.

Remote work has reduced casual conversations.

People move farther from family and longtime friends.

Community groups and neighborhood gathering places can be harder to find.

Busy schedules make friendship feel like another appointment to coordinate.

So, whether we like it or not, connection these days requires deliberate effort.

Share Break the Cycle with Dr. Mariel

It might be easier than you think. The way I see it, connection tends to need three things:

Attention. Feeling that the other person is genuinely present.
Mutuality. Both people have room to speak, listen, help, and be helped.
Continuity. The relationship happens repeatedly rather than depending on occasional bursts of effort.

You don’t have to try to “fix” your entire social life, but simply choose one relationship you would like to deepen and make one small move toward greater connection.

If that still sounds hard to do, here are some examples that I’ve tried (or that some clients of mine have tried) in the recent years that can help:

Replace a text exchange with a phone call (lately I even switched to FaceTime) - It’s nice to see people’s faces when we chat.
Ask a question that invites an honest answer: “How have you really been lately?”
Invite someone along to an ordinary activity (like talking a walk to a coffee shop, rather than waiting for a special occasion.

That’s it! No frills. Nothing terribly demanding. But deeply effective.

When was the last time you felt genuinely connected to someone?

What were you doing? Who were you with? What made that moment feel different?

We’re always in touch...so why are we still lonely?

Comments