‘My religion is very simple. My religion is kindness.’ Dalai Lama
Genuine kindness is the act of showing care, consideration, and generosity towards others with expecting anything in return. It is an empathetic, self-directed expression rooted in a sincere desire to support others, driven purely by good intentions rather than a need for personal gain. Cambridge Dictionary
Humanity broadly refers to the human race as a whole, as well as the compassionate and empathetic qualities that define human nature. It encompasses both our collective existence and our capacity for kindness, altruism, and understanding towards one another. Collins English Dictionary
For some time now I’ve noticed how many of us humans are gradually losing our humanity, and I don’t just mean the easy targets of our shadow projections, like Trump, Tate, Farage or Putin. No, I’m more concerned with you and me – us – and the seemingly harmless ways we can forget what it means to be fully human. How technology, consumerism and the related narcissistic and individualistic behaviours, designed to keep us shopping and asleep, are impacting even those who might claim to be awakening.
Us…that’s you and me.
One of the obvious ways I have witnessed this is through the forgetting of common courtesy. Take online platforms for example, like Substack and Instagram. It has become so easy (and lazy) to comment on others posts without reflection, consideration, courtesy or basic manners. Often when I write and share a post on my Instagram page (which is one of the small ways I serve in the world), most of the comments are thoughtful, heartfelt and kind. A few others however might read something like this….
Send me this post. What do you mean? How do I grieve? You’ve forgotten X. Where is the link? I don’t agree. What a load of rubbish.
There is no hello nor thank you, no ‘may I ask….?’ Nada. (Imagine talking to someone like this in person that you’ve never even met!) No common courtesy, just a demand for something more from me, or a desire to disagree and start an online verbal fisty cuffs. And as much as my ego warrior would still occasionally love to get her gloves back on, (‘Put ‘em up, put ‘em up!), my Spirit is far too strong these days to join that dance of dysfunction. Go get your dopamine fix elsewhere!
And my IG page is pretty tame with lots of kindness, love and light shining through most of the time, (thank you). But when I check out some of the other pages, I am shocked by the rudeness, disdain and general reactivity people have towards each other. Unprocessed pain and fears leaking out all over the place. Awful.
It seems too many people have developed a certain entitlement about what they can expect from others. I’ve noticed for example that when I send emails to clients, often including links to suggested resources and ways to support themselves. I rarely receive a reply with a thank you, or acknowledgement for the time and care offered.
Now, let me be clear here, I don’t need their thanks or validation. My time and care is offered without expectation. But what I do believe, is that this lack of gratitude and appreciation is an insidious poison in our narcissistic, self obsessed culture, that ultimately leads us to more misery, disconnection, and loneliness.
Heartfelt gratitude is medicine for the Soul you see. It’s a small and simple way to spread the energy of kindness (which is another word for Love), and keep us all connected and tethered.
Human.
The opposite of gratitude is entitlement.
Here’s another example of sleepy behaviour, which I find sad and worrying. When writers offer their words here on Substack, they have often spent many days, hours or even weeks pondering, shaping and fine tuning their work. So, when they finally send that offering out to their subscribers, it’s a big moment. Like a mini kind of birth! Then when we/I receive so little/any acknowledgement for that piece over the following weeks, it can feel quite disheartening. And yes I do include myself here too…ego and all. But imagine this, a musician or band is performing a song that they wrote to a large audience of thousands, and then at the end of their performance, there is absolute silence. Not a clap, definitely not a cheer, only tumbleweed. That’s tough for any creative believe me, no matter how evolved.
And here’s a secret that many Substack readers might not know….us writers can see how many times you have read and re-read our offerings. Yep! Every time you read and/or return to our writing we can see that. And sometimes people will read a piece of mine 30-40 times or more! Yet, those same people will not press the heart to say ‘thank you’ and definitely not leave a comment. I know it sounds like I’m moaning, and maybe I am (love a moan), but seriously, what is that really about?! Entitlement? Obliviousness? ‘Can’t be arsed’? My fear and theory is that it is a symptom of something far deeper within the collective (un)conscious, than just my fragile ego.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this…but probably won’t! 😉
There are so many small ways we can actively push back against this unconscious movement towards disconnection, separation and individualism. Here’s a few suggestions….
Always take the time to notice, acknowledge and give thanks for a kindness offered to you. (This is a profound Spiritual practice, make no mistake). You can even do it retrospectively.
Move out of the way when an Elder or Mother is walking on the pavement towards you. Show them the respect and consideration they deserve. The same goes for giving up your seat on the train/tube/bus. Respect your Elders. Respect and honour Mothers.
Smile and say hello to ‘strangers’. Make eye contact. Send secret Love beams from your heart to theirs.
Ask questions of new people you meet, especially those who appear very different from you. Get curious about them and their lives, find the common threads of connection.
Take the time to leave a review for a podcast or book that you have enjoyed and learned from.
Talk less and listen more.
Pay for someone’s coffee without them knowing. (Sharing your ‘generosity’ on IG doesn’t count…that’s just narcissism wearing a ‘be kind’ badge. Fake.)
Question your thoughts and beliefs. Are they even yours or just a collection of lazy judgements and prejudices, passed down through your family lineage?
Call or VN your friends and family instead of texting. A voice is worth a thousand emojis!
Ask your older neighbours if you can get them anything when you next go food shopping, make meals for the single mother who lives across from you. Or any mother.
Find a cause that matters to you and invest your time and energy in supporting it.
“Spreading kindness like confetti, she slowly makes Love to the whole world.”
Thousands of people took to the streets in Brighton for the Carnival against fascism protest on 13th June. A profoundly beautiful example of what happens when people unite and stand up for what they believe in. Love in action right there…..
#bethechange
Like stripping the bed after staying in an Air B and B or a hotel, not because you have to, but because you want to. Knowing that it’s one less bed to strip for the worker who is probably on minimum wage.
Leaving the light on for your loved one’s late return. A hot water bottle placed in their bed, slippers warming on the radiator. Small kindness.
Reading a book then giving it away. Buying your books from independent book shops. All gifts the same, resisting the convenience of the brand we shall not name.
Making time to speak to others in the supermarket queue, just because. A smile for a scowl, a pound for a locker, a love note in a lunch box or under a pillow. Small kindness.
A hand to hold at the dentist, letting someone out at a junction, even though you’re running late. Being especially polite and kind to somebody rude or mean. A prayer for their pain. Small kindness.
Paying more for a service that you believe is worth more, just because. Sending an email of gratitude, or perhaps a card too. And never forget the gift of Please, I’m sorry, Thank you, I Love you.
Giving up your seat on a bus or train, sharing your sweets for take off on the plane. Checking the spelling of somebody’s name, because it matters to them, it’s one R and two N’s.
Changing the toilet roll in a public loo. Listening to a podcast and leaving a review. Booking and paying for a workshop space, long before payment is due. What this says is, ‘I believe in you’.
Reclaiming your heart and then giving it away…
every.
single.
day.
Small kindness, BIG Love.
#wordsbydonnalancaster
Happy Place Festival - Sunday 12th July, Jordan Stephens and I will be on the Talk stage talking about healing through relationships. Tickets: Happy Place Festival
Soul-Full Sunday - 19th July in the park, West Sussex - free and all welcome. Soul-Full Sunday
Preparing for Death - a 2 day exploration of death and dying through a spiritual lens, 19th & 20th September - Preparing for Death
Beneath the Elder Tree - a free event in Hove, 23rd September with myself and Jasmine Harsono, Beneath the Elder Tree All welcome. Book early to reserve your seat.
Healing Through Relationships - a 1 day workshop to explore ways of being in our relationships that are healing rather than rewounding. 17th October. Early bird offer expires 1st July with a saving of £20 off the cost. £175 pp. Healing Through Relationships
For all my offerings, including working with me 1:1 on your Spiritual Awakening-Donna Lancaster
As ever, thank you for being here and for choosing to spend your precious time reading my words. Please do let me know if you appreciate them by pressing the little heart, and/or leaving a comment? I wonder if you will……🤭🙏🏽🌻
No posts
Comments
Nothing yet. Say the first thing.
Sign in to join the conversation.