how to get clarity

“Look, I write to get clarity. Not to give clarity. Because when I am confused I have put things on paper. I have to write.”

― Aswath Damodaran, NYU Professor on Noah Kagan Presents

Today, I have no idea what I am feeling. Bored? Annoyed? Anxious?

I am feeling something. But the lie I tell myself is, "I'm fine."

Unchecked this gets me in trouble. Time after time. Here’s the truth: I need clarity, so I can choose my actions.

I created a simple writing exercise to cut through the confusion. Get a pen and paper or open up your notes app and try it.

The Clarity Exercise

Think about a current situation or circumstance in your life.

1. What am I feeling?
   Describe any feelings you are aware of. Use the feeling wheel if you need to.
   Examples: stupid, rejected, pissed off, overwhelmed
   

2. What am I believing about myself or the situation?
   Capture any beliefs or conclusions you are jumping to about the situation.
   Examples: this always happens to me, this makes me look bad, she is intentionally undermining me…
   

3. What are the unskillful ways I use to deal with this feeling?
   Examples: being passive aggressive, feeding my feelings, bingeing Netflix
   

4. In this current situation, what is true?
   Engage the adult part of you. Your authentic self. Ask what is true. Write it down. You might uncover things you’re grateful for. Worst case scenarios. Even memories from the past where you encountered something similar.
   

5. What skillful action(s) will I take to respond to this feeling?
   “We have a fundamental choice,” Steve Chandler writes. “We can choose to own our own response to the situation OR we can be a victim of the situation. That choice always exist.” Now choose.