The little rules that keep my ADHD life together(-ish) PART TWO

Quick note: I’m currently paused on taking new ADHD coaching clients while I write my book, but you can sign up for the waitlist here to get first access to slots once they open up <3

Lots of y’all told me part one of this post was helpful, so I thought I’d make a part two with more of the little (sometimes unhinged) rules and permissions I employ to keep my ADHD life moving smoothly-ish.

(Here’s part 1 if you want to check it out.)

But just as I mentioned in the first post, I do mean smoothly-ish. None of these things have helped me transcend into a peaceful productivity machine with consistent energy. But they do make my days easier! And help me feel better about things that used to make me feel really, really bad.

I never schedule myself at 100% capacity. Aspirational Kelly LOVES to make plans that burn Actual Kelly out and damage her trust in her ability to follow through. So now, even if I think I technically could go to five events next week, I’ll only commit to one or two so it feels manageable whether I’m at 100% or a potato. I also give myself more time around deadlines than I think I’ll need.

I prep ingredients, not meals. Meal prepping has never been helpful for me because what sounds good to me today can make me want to puke tomorrow. So now I’ll either buy lots of precut ingredients or take 30 minutes to chop some up for multiple meals, so that whatever sounds good on a particular day feels a little easier to make.

I don’t measure consistency by daily output. When I expected perfect daily consistency from myself, I constantly felt like shit because I was trying to meet a standard for machines while being a highly variable organic being. So now I view consistency as consistently returning to what matters over the arc of my life when I inevitably get derailed. Anticipating broken streaks means I don’t hate myself when they come up and can more easily focus on ways to make returns easier. I’ve written more about this here if you’re interested.

I let my house tell me where things belong. Instead of constantly putting things back where they’re “supposed” to go, I pay attention to where I actually use them. So if I keep needing or finding the scissors in the living room, then the living room gets its own scissors.

I empty the trash in my car while the gas is pumping. This little habit is pretty effortless and means my car is usually pretty clean! And if you’ve ever had the absolute displeasure of riding in one of my old dens, you know this is a miracle. (Shout out, Jimothy. You would’ve felt very at home in my 2010 car)

I have a general color palette for my clothes. Most of my clothes are one of five colors that complement each other. This makes shopping easier because it narrows down my options and it makes deciding what to wear easier because everything kind of matches.

I give myself three options for a routine. A rigid, fixed routine is simply not compatible with my chaotic, ever-changing life. So now I have a routine for higher-energy days, potato days, and the days in between, which means I have something supportive to lean on no matter how I feel. And it’s a lot simpler than it might seem. This post outlines how I do it.

I count starting as doing. I almost never tell myself I’m going to finish something because that overwhelms me and makes it even harder to start. So now I tell myself the only goal is to start and see what happens. Once I’m going, it’s way easier to keep going.

I use bigger trash cans in the bathroom, my office, and wherever else trash lives. As a certified Trash Monster, I tend to spray trash wherever I go, so now I put big ol’ cans in spaces that formerly had teeny ones. Small trash cans are garbage for me (pun intended) because they require me to take out the trash and replace the bag too many times.

When I get up to go somewhere in the house, I try to do one little thing on the way. It is honestly incredible how much more I’ve put away and gotten done this way. Because it’s hard for my all-or-nothing thinking brain to get on board with fixing just one little thing, all the little things tend to accumulate into chaos. But something about doing a little thing on the way to another thing makes it feel easier.

I don’t make decisions about myself or anything/anyone else when I’m dysregulated. My sensitive, dysregulated brain cannot be trusted to assess anything because it distorts and catastrophizes everything. So now I make it a rule not to make decisions until I’m at my emotional baseline.

I plan to do way less than my brain tells me I should. The fastest way to make me do nothing is to convince me I need to do everything. This makes the plan so demanding that I avoid it or burn myself out trying to keep up. But if you’re thinking: Kelly, I have way too many things on my plate to do that!!!! Then I encourage you to read this post about why giving yourself permission to do less helps you do more

I narrate myself when I’m stuck. When I’m frozen on the couch and can’t get myself to move, I will literally say out loud: “Here I am. Frozen on the couch, unable to move. I wonder what will finally get me to move? Will it be this?” Sometimes this creates just enough distance to stop feeling trapped inside the experience and make a move.

I quit doing things for fun when they stop being fun. Hobbies, books, shows, projects. If it stopped giving me anything, I release it back into the wild with my whole heart. Otherwise, I struggle to do the no-longer-fun thing but I also don’t start a new thing because I feel guilty that I haven’t finished the no-longer-fun thing, so I sit in a purgatory with no fun things until death.

I pay the pretty tax. I’m 100% more likely to use a water bottle I love looking at than one I’m not drawn to because I, like many ADHDers, am aesthetically motivated. So if I can swing it, I will absolutely pay a little extra for the thing that looks really great, especially if that thing supports me mentally or physically.

I book early appointments so I don’t lose a day waiting for them. Like many ADHDers, if I have a 3pm appointment, it’s hard to do anything before it because I’m busy…waiting. So now I schedule appointments early in the day whenever possible.

I use alarms instead of reminders. I love using alarms instead of my phone’s standard reminder feature because I can SNOOZE alarms. This way, when the alarm goes off and I ignore it because I hate it and am already in something else, I can snooze it instead, giving myself more time to transition to doing the thing without forgetting about it.

I practice approaching things with a spirit of playfulness. It’s very easy for my brain to default to: THIS IS SERIOUS BUSINESS AND IF WE DONT DO IT PROPERLY EVERYONE WILL FIND OUT WHAT A MESS WE ARE. Surprise! This does not make it easier for me to do the thing. In fact, it makes it much harder if it doesn’t make me avoid it altogether.

So I continually practice approaching life with a spirit of playfulness and curiosity. In practice, that looks like treating things like little experiments instead of tests. Practicing asking, “I wonder what happens if I try it this way?” instead of demanding that I find the most perfect approach. Or practicing reframing, “Why can’t I just do this?” (paralyzing shame) to “How can I make this even 1% easier?” (doable problem-solving)