I’m not quite 32 yet, but I think it’s time for a check-in. I cannot believe I’m saying this….
(Yes, I can. I’m a baddie, and I worked my ass off for this.)
Taking the “citizen” out of “citizen scientist” in my bios because I’m officially a science student again.
I’m going to be the griot I’ve always wanted to be, and I’m doing it with the support of people who really believed in me. I started this space almost two years ago, praying that the stories bursting out of me would give me clarity and direction as one dream ended and another began.
I documented the lessons learned, the things that inspired me, and the music that kept me going. I secretly shared samples of the works I hoped would lead me forward. I wrote of the shadow self that pulled me back into my body, the grief of realizing I was changing for good, what it is like for life and my voice to come to a stuttering halt in the throes of a coming-of-age as chaotic as it was worthwhile…
I had the instinct that I needed to spend more time daydreaming to connect with myself.
I put each of these messages in a bottle, hoping that the me who reads them over and over again would remember why she carved this space and why she makes the art. I wanted them to keep focused because I knew somehow…this would bring us our creative destiny.
I asked you all to be my witnesses, and some of you even sent me a few dollars every month just because you were willing to bet on me.
And here are my dreams….ready to meet me.
Because I made them so. And I did it with your help.
This experiment tracking my Saturn Return worked perfectly.
I’ll be leaving for a little while now. There’s a lot to prepare — I have some other things, places, and people to say goodbye to, some other art to make, and a great big world waiting for my classmates and me after all.
Thank you for reading Deidreaming — I’ll see you right back here. Soon.
This is just the end of the prologue.
The story starts now.
In the meantime, follow from the beginning.
Delusional Gyal - the power of imagining yourself into the future.
A Bad B*tch By Any Other Name - the power of reclaiming a name.
Gone Off A Little White Pill - the power of remembering your body’s connection to the environment.
30 Under 30 - the power of admitting you failed to reach a dream and that it isn’t the end of the world.
To All the Boys I’ve Dubbed Before - the power of admitting your flight reflex is trying to tell you something, and that your actions have consequences for others.
On My Momma - the power of seeing the girl your mom still is.
Good Kid, G.L.A.A.D City - the power of being bolstered by the love of community.
Whimsical Af - the power of play.
Old B*tches Winning - the power of thanking your past and speaking your future into reality. A peek into the scrying mirror.
I Know You Seen This Sh*t - the power of refusing to turn your eyes away.
In my H.O.E. Phase - the power of acknowledging the longing to be expressive.
Once a Boy - the power of seeing the boy your dad still is.
Alone, Not Lonely - the power of going it alone.
Summer Body - the power of challenging a norm and getting real about climate.
America, You Scarin’ the Hoes - the power of naming your opps.
Scholarship Kid - the power of naming your hunger to learn. The first tremor.
Wadadli Woman - the power of returning home. The second tremor.
Mask Off - the power of finally figuring yourself out. The third tremor.
Work in (Forever?) Progress - the power of admitting you’re too tired to keep going.
Born to Baby Girl… - the power of admitting you crave softness.
Finds You Well… - the power of admitting you need to disconnect.
Personal Brand™️ - the power of naming your disdain aloud. The first crack.
Fool Me Beyoncé, Fool Me Twice - the power of questioning fandom and hero worship. The second crack.
Afrodite - the power of naming pain and the grief of illness aloud. The third crack.
Stars Above, Stars Below - the power of looking for meaning. The fourth crack.
Exhale, Nap, Repeat - the power of rest.
Turnover - the power of finally letting it go.
TTRPGs Can Fix me - the power of transformative community stories.
Fat Friend - the power of realizing commercialized body positivity and silence from thin people isn’t enough in a world where we are unwell and underfed. The final crack.
On Main - the power of disappearing. The shattering and emergence of a new approach.
I Can Make Her Worse - the power of returning to chaos. A summoning.
American Nightmare - the power of naming your opps. Again.
We Not LinkedIn - the power of refusing to play pretend.
Lover, I’m Ready Now - the power of being ready for your happiness.
Theydies and Gentlethems - the power of ever evolving identity.
Fighting Words - the power of finally having somewhere to put it all.
Baddie Behavior - the power of naming your inspirations.
**** Nye, The Science Bi - the power of naming your passions.
Extremophile - the power of looking to nature for strength.
Earthling - the power of loving our planet aloud. A new dream is named.
Good Ancestor - the power of pondering life after death differently. A ritual.
Every Heavenly Body on Mute - the power of silence in order to hear.
MANEATER - the power of survivor’s grief turned into strength. A ritual - interrupted no more.
Feelin’ Like Doc Marten Luther King - the power of naming dissatisfaction with distraction aloud.
STARVING ARTIST - the power of the voice. A tearing open of the portal. A summoning.
Madwoman and Muse - the power of bending but not breaking. The final summoning.
Bootstrap - the power of tough self-love. The shadow finally answers back.
To ****, With Love - the power of saying goodbye.
Better Fed… - the power of recovery and satisfying the hunger.
Do or Die - the power of rooting deeply. A reclamation.
The Nightmare - the power of giving the shadow a name and a purpose.
I Can Make Her Better - the power of healing.
Broke As A Joke - the power of refusing to laugh through the pain.
FLIRT - the power of attraction.
I Love Me - the power of putting you first.
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