I am not your money guru

As my financial coaching program nears the 100 clients “graduated” mark (94 down, 10 more in the pipeline before maternity leave) I’ve been thinking about what’s worked and what hasn’t worked.

I’ll start with what hasn’t:

Any time I found myself making a “recommendation” about what a person does next, even subtly, I’ve regretted it.

Earlier this year I enrolled in a coaching program for values-aligned financial coaches that called this subtle advice giving “stealthy coaching.”

“They have to understand their mission” I wrote in my notes.

“I’m never the approver of their ideas. I am in service of their self-awareness.”

What’s worked is the mirror opposite: Creating an environment where someone from any walk of life1 can look at their relationship with money clearly and honestly and decide for themselves what they want to do with the resources they have.

Some of that awareness-building does involve a few imperatives that I build into the program (a writing teacher is going to make you write, a money coach/financial counselor is going make you look at your own numbers and beliefs, which is time-intensive), but the end goal is not that I agree with what you choose to do next with that information.

Rules of thumb exist, and I can tell you about them, but in the end, I want you to drive. I want you to eventually not need me in the passenger’s seat.

That said, I do come clean with my own core beliefs before I work with anyone:

• We are not our money. Our money can never be the measure of our value as humans.

• It will shock you how much peace can come from understanding your financial picture. (A graduate once said in a review that “awareness is relaxing”).

• Money is for now and for later. Don’t neglect the now, don’t neglect the later.

I am still a work in progress in this profession. I expect to make more mistakes and I expect to keep learning. And I’m grateful to everyone who’s opened up to this process, both for paying my bills and for helping me grow as a human being.

Speaking of growing as a human being, I am literally growing a human being who’s due to arrive in about a month and a half.2 After that I’ll be off the grid for maternity leave. Through the rest of August and September I’ll still be available for free, 30- minute intro sessions to chat about the goals, about the program and whether it’s the right fit for you. I’ll be taking on new clients for February 2027 and would love to line a few new participants up. My time flexibility will never be the same on the other side of this leave, so I’d be happy to be connected with you sooner rather than later!

Here’s what a recent graduated said of The Good Bones Edit:

What would you tell a friend about the program?

“I would describe this program as a compassionate, strategic, and even fun entry point to managing personal finance. It's a combination between taking a class and doing "money therapy"; a fantastic orientation for folks who are beginners, avoidant, or overwhelmed/discombobulated by money (most of us!)

Good Bones not only creates a thoughtful structure with which to budget your wealth, but also encourages you to introspect on why you make the choices you do, and how to best align your choices with your values.

I would also tell this friend that you get out what you put in. Much like therapy, this program isn't a prescriptive set of instructions, but rather a collaborative process. It requires time, thought, and management outside of the Zoom room, but the homework is broken up in small enough chunks that it feels totally manageable.

Finally – I would probably say something along the lines of "I love Bethel! She is so thoughtful, smart, and nonjudgmental. She was entirely committed to my success within the program, and I trusted her every step of the way to hold my anxieties and questions with care.” :)”

Do you believe the program is a good value? Why or why not?

“Yes – the confidence I built through this program is invaluable! I can't believe I dithered about the spend it for so long, as the program itself helped me see what a smart and worthwhile investment this was. And from a numbers standpoint, I believe the program has helped me make smart choices that will "pay out" the money I spent in very little time! I'm honestly so proud of myself for investing money in this meaningful way.”

-Georgia W.

Thanks Georgia :)

• In 2016 I made $75K/year and I felt fucking rich - Kelly Johnson | Little Freak

• The One Thing Bringing Down Grocery Prices - Alex Mayyasi

• “Buying real estate isn’t just a financial decision. Becoming a homeowner can engender lots of strong positive emotions: a sense of community, stability, pride, and achievement - especially in America where owning your home is a goal generally assigned at birth. Feelings matter, and having a sense of place and a home to call your own is powerful. If you want to feel financially free though, in the literal sense of having more money available than expenses on your priority list, buying an enormous depreciating asset that needs constant maintenance is not the most direct route. - Elizabeth George, CFP - Real Estate Won’t Make you Feel Rich | Use Your Wealth

• “I’ve seen love make up for lack of money. I’ve never seen money make up for lack of love. Not once.” - Catherine Durkin Robinson - Stop Slowly Killing Yourself | A Death Doula’s Substack

• “In 2022, Yvon Chouinard gave away his $3 billion company to the planet. He transferred 100% of Patagonia's ownership to two new entities: A purpose trust to protect the company's values. A nonprofit dedicated to fighting the environmental crisis. "Earth is now our only shareholder." His children supported the decision. They have "simple lives" and no desire to inherit Patagonia. Most billionaires spend their final decades figuring out how to preserve wealth across generations. Chouinard spent his time figuring out how to release it. "After you're making enough money to support yourself, what's the reason to stay in business?" This is the question most wealthy people never ask. Wealth accumulation becomes its own purpose. The number becomes the goal, and there's always someone with more. Chouinard built a different relationship with money. He's lived simply his entire life. "Almost everything I have is old. I use everything until it completely falls apart." That's what healing your relationship with wealth actually looks like. The ability to see money as a tool rather than a score. To know when enough is enough. To find joy in the release rather than the accumulation.” - Joy Slabaugh, CFP

• “One of the most common…criticisms that I receive from people is like, ‘Oh, you’re a socialist, but you’re wealthy,’ right? And it’s true. I am very successful and very fortunate, right? But it’s not at odds with my worldview in any way, shape or form…at the end of the day, like, I want everyone to have autonomy. I want everyone to be able to live comfortable lives. Like, that’s what I’m advancing. That’s what I’m advocating for. That’s my perfect society. It’s not about everyone being like equally poor or starving.” - Hasan Piker, Fighting the Democratic Establishment, What Now? with Trevor Noah