Joshua Jackson Claims Another Melanated Victim

Hi Friends!

I am really energized this week and I have no idea why! Perhaps because it is my longest stretch home in a while and I finally have turned in the third draft of my book. Volunteering is also on a break while the school turns over for summer session. It feels like I have so much time which is why sending this newsletter today is ~ * fUn * ~ instead of stressful.

I spent last week in Miami catching up with my New Orleans friends on a trip that finally made it out of the group chat. Please clap for us! This was a big deal. Almost all of us had moved away to other cities scattered all over the country and we made the colossal effort to plan and execute said plan. It was beautiful. We spent most of the trip eating, drinking and gossiping as one does. Restaurant favorites included: Makoto (yes, it’s at the mall) and Casa Neos which lowkey felt like being in Greece, hot Greek waiter named Giannis notwithstanding.

If you haven’t been to Miami since before the pandemic, allow me to tell you that things have changed. Firstly, there is a service charge automatically added to every single bill. Already, all of the things to do are at hotels but even when you are just at a regular restaurant, it happens. I am a tipper! I want people to get their coin but this was just a very weird development that I didn’t expect. It felt like being punished for something I did not do. And it makes you not want to leave an additional tip on top of the tip that you were already coerced into paying. Second, hotels that you might have liked before, you might want to think twice about now or maybe it’s just me. I went to the One Hotel in Miami years ago when it first opened and I was like this is living, baby! The matcha was crisp and so were the sheets, the aromas were immaculate and so were the vibes but when we went back there this time for drinks and some snacks, it had really and I mean really lost its luster. I can’t tell if this was an effect of me glowing up or the hotel glowing down but seeing something you used to think was beautiful as ordinary or even bad was like running into a balding ex. Lastly, it felt like everyone around us was either an Only Fans creator or a crypto currency investor. They all just had a specific look. For women the look was: A BBL, a colorful Alo set, a Chanel bag and a tripod which they carried everywhere. I couldn’t believe how many photos were being taken. All of Miami is a set. I kind of only enjoy taking photos inside the privacy of my own home and have for a while but I couldn’t believe the way that people were committed to getting the shot. It seemed like such a waste! Entire meals went by and instead of laughter, I just heard the subtle shutter of the iPhone camera clicker and saw micro-readjustments in poses and expressions. On the boys side, they wore a lot of Balenciaga actually, but if not that, baggy stone washed jeans and oversized t-shirts with wrap-around futuristic sunglasses like if the popstar Protozoa from Xenon was from Pennsylvania. Idc how this reference ages me. I don’t mean to sound like a hater. The way the literacy crisis is going, forget Margot, Danielle might have money troubles soon and before you know it, I’m on Only Fans. As it stands, I was in the content game and loosely still am but is this even fun anymore? Who is enjoying themselves? As for us, we got high and walked through the Bal Harbour mall giggling until our stomachs hurt. Did you know they have live turtles there outside of Chanel?

When I got home, the weather was nice in Milwaukee which means that it is finally time to start enjoying my life here! I used Chat GPT to help me make slime with Ryan’s daughter and as much as I can’t stand Clankers, it came through in a pinch, and it knew how to do something that I could never do.

I also got served this digestional “hack” which mixes chia seeds and unsweetened apple sauce. The idea is that chia seeds provide the necessary fiber that is missing from all of our diets and the unsweetened apple sauce helps everything go down easier. I won’t lie, it doesn’t taste great but it doesn’t taste bad either. It’s just ok. I have choked down more than a few weird things in the name of “health” so I feel like I am immune at this point to something tasting bad as a deterrent. The chia seeds are also supposed to coat your intestines and help you digest slower and reduce sugar cravings. To get the full effect, you must “soak” the chia seeds in the applesauce overnight. It’s been a little over a year since my fibroid surgery and I have become pretty lax in how I approach eating now. Prior to surgery, I was seeing a dietician who was very emphatic about fiber intake and reducing sugar but as soon as I felt better, poof, all progress gone. I am eager to see what the results are like in a month. Right now it’s only been 3 days. And yes, I am still on Allegra and Pepcid, no major changes except I do not feel like I have allergies anymore and the pollen is flying around here, honey.

And now, onto recommendations:

Highly Recommended :

Sunglasses Searching: I am notoriously very hard on sunglasses. I never keep them in a case. They are always getting stretched out on my head or tucked into a belt loop in my jeans or unceremoniously tossed into the black depths of my purse to accelerate their inevitable path toward ruin. I am always losing them. I stopped buying expensive sunglasses after a pair of Celine ones were swiped from my table at Sarabeth’s in TribeCa when I went to the bathroom. I said, never again will I spend more than $100 on sunglasses because what is the point?? For many years, my go to brand has been Chimi, a European import that makes quality glasses at reasonable prices. I would buy multiple of the 008 style, an oversized pair that came in a few colors and when I lost or ruined one, I would always have another. For a long time, I could get this style for $80. Now, because of their inflation or tariffs or both, this style is now $180 and discontinued from what I understand. Their other offerings are $220 and because they ship from Sweden, you have to pay taxes and duties. Not me! This put me in a position to search for an alternative and that search was very difficult. I went first to Elisa Johnson eyewear because, duh, we’re shopping Black owned brands but unfortunately, most of the styles that I wanted from her site were sold out. If you’re interested though, their site is having a major sale and there are some other options, just none for me. Then, I hit up old faithfuls that I knew from market-editing like Quay, LeSpecs and Warby Parker (I am wearing Warby eyeglasses right now) but none of them had what I was looking for which was a simple, black oval shaped pair of sunglasses with black lenses, not too big and not too small. The trend seems to be super-small itty bitty glasses. The ones that I have been wearing non-stop are from New Orleans eyewear brand Krewe which I love but the logo has popped off and they are slightly square where I am looking for round. After a few weeks of this, I almost considered going on Amazon (shudder!) but then I was like no I cannot do that. So I stayed patient and I found this random brand out of the UK called Olivier. They were having a BOGO sale so I got two pairs of glasses for $48. Not bad!!!

We’re Back In the Villa Baby: Fire up that firepit because Love Island is back. I know I am officially celebrating one year of this newsletter because my first ever post on Substack was about my love for Love Island and now, our sexy little Sims are back in Fiji kissing and crying in what feels like a lifesized pinball machine and I couldn’t be happier. It will be extremely hard to top Season 7 of Love Island for me which gave us Olandria and Nic and it will forever be impossible to overtake PPG of Season 6 but I am going into this year extremely hopeful. One thing I do think is worth pointing out is the epidemic of male rhinestones that seems to have a particular chokehold over Love Island. I noticed this as I was watching Beyond the Villa. Ugh, yes I know, it was terrible but I started it while I was a hostage getting my hair braided so I had to see it through. It was while watching that that I discovered that these men seriously want to sparkle and that is absolutely crazy to me. It happened already in Sincere’s introductory confessional look which was blinged out for no reason. Seriously, keep your eyes peeled and you will notice that these men are really looking for the opportunity to shine bright like a diamond. This is a red flag to me but also perhaps an argument for keeping them inside the Villa permanently because once they leave, that’s when the technicolor way that they style themselves becomes an assault. Right now, they are muted amongst the neon lights and the corny signs but as soon as they step out of there, it’s like hold up…The other thing we have to talk about is their Disney dopplegangers. Zach, who is the little brother of last season’s British bombshell, Charlie, looks exactly like Bruno from Encanto and I cannot see different. The aforementioned Sincere Rhea looks like Maui from Moana is his father. Lastly, Kenzie, the Kennesaw Georgia peach who acts like blondes and brunettes are different species is absolutely the offspring of 90s actress Fairuza Balk from The Craft. It’s the bright blue eyes and the toothy smile. If I have to see it, you do too. Looking forward to a Summer of Love Island. Let’s go!

That’s Sir Idris Elba To You: Idris Elba was knighted last week and I am not British but I think this is a big deal! We now all have to call him Sir which is cool. The king himself did it which again, for British people, is also very cool. I don’t really know what else you get with knighthood, perhaps a seat at the round table but probably just a commemorative plaque and bragging rights. Oh and it seems like you get a vintage looking necklace. If nothing else, I do like how the English do ceremony.

Dua Lipa Is King Bride: Speaking of royalty, Dua Lipa continues to have the best celebrity wedding that I’ve seen in a long time. It looks fun! They seem to be in love and apparently they have an iron-clad prenup. This week she graced us with photos of her in a white Bottega Veneta look as their celebrations continue in Italy. I can confirm that this was not the wedding that West and Amanda were at. I never really considered myself a wedding girlie. I don’t even like birthday parties but my Leo sis is doing good work to convince me that maybe I need to change my mind.

Do Not Recommended:

Antebellum Americana: Famously inclusive brand, Selkie is in hot water over their new “American Innocence” collection. The brand which has sizing up to 6x is known for its feminine and whimsical aesthetic. The dresses are big and romantic and fit almost everyone. This is a plus but they announced that their new collection which plays on those same themes will feature stars and stripes. Timed with the 250th anniversary of America, this seems…strange. They have been getting wacked all week in the comments and have pushed ahead anyway. They are doing some strong backpeddling to demonstrate that this collection is actually Americana in a “woke” way. As in, Pride was a Riot, Vivia la Revolution! On Monday they announced their intent for an Abolish ICE fundraiser which is…confusing to say the least. It won’t matter to the girlies who are shopping their 4th of July looks where their money goes and they have to know this. The red white and blue coupled with the bloomers and corsets that reflect Selkie’s signature are giving Daughters of the Revolution baddie (derogatory). Anyways, I sold my Selkie dress to the real real last month. Not saying I’m That’s So Raven, but I also lost my Amanda Batula sunglasses (told you) in February and was too cold and depressed to go back and get them so God’s timing is always right. Similarly, affordable swimwear brand Cupshe found themselves in hot water after an influencer manager published an email of theirs that said they did not want to work with Black creators. The whole thing was so weird that I thought it was one of those spam accounts. I get emails from “Reformation” or “Revolve” all the time after I make a post and tag brands but since I know the teams at both Reformation and Revolve, I never blink at their emails since they are clearly fake. The other day, I got a convincing one from Warby Parker where I don’t know the team as well but the email apparently did come from Cupshe and they took the steps to fire the employee who sent it. I don’t know guys, it seems so sad that this is where we are. And the worst part is, everyone has moved on and no one cares about anything. The people who want their Americana clothes are going to get them. The people who want their Cupshe are going to get it, regardless of what happened and these brands know it. They aren’t sorry about anything and never were.

The Laguna Beach MAGA Pipeline: Listen, this should be surprising to absolutely no one but the cast of Laguna Beach consistently has bad politics. Last year they celebrated their 20 year high school reunion and this year, they completed their MAGA transformations into their wealthy parents. Spencer Pratt has been officially booted from the mayoral race in LA and has vowed to move out of the hotel that he is currently living in and the city entirely. Should we all go help him pack or just let him do it on his own since he hates the ideas of socialism? I’m proud of LA for voting the right way but profoundly baffled at the coddling that the media gave to Pratt and his campaign. They are still doing it. It was extremely disturbing to watch publications entertain him as if he was a serious candidate with his callous ideas about homelessness and literally no experience or plan. His run was supported by other dumb celebrities including his The Hills castmates Brody Jenner and Kristin Cavalleri. I interviewed Kristin 10 years ago about a shoe collection that she did and we spent the entire day together for the story. After it went up, the comments section was flooded by people advising me that she was an anti-vaxer. This was during the Obama admin, so these kind of things didn’t readily come up in the research that I did on her before the interview. Lesson learned on my end. She then launched a podcast where she could freely share bad takes and brag about hookups. And speaking of podcasts, last week Lo Bosworth, had none other than Huda Mustafa, yes from Love Island Season 7 on her mommy-focused podcast. This was a disappointing choice to say the least. I know Lo personally and professionally. I’ve always respected her but sitting across from Huda and asking her to speak on anything as an expert is so suspicious. Huda has not only been involved in several racist incidents since exiting the villa but she’s also embroiled in a legal scuffle with the ex of her ex. Messy, messy, messy. Clout is a helluva drug y’all.

Chris Brown Gets Another Degree: Guys, Chris Brown shared that he got another degree. I’m sorry but he is really making Cheyenne Bryant who may or may not be lying about having a doctorate look extra bad. If Chris Brown is running educational circles around you, we have a problem. Cheyenne Bryant is a life coach who was masquerading as a doctor until quite recently when she went on a podcast to say that she doesn’t bother with certifications and wants to work with clients by circumventing insurance. It raised a lot of red flags for people and when they started asking to see her credentials, things got very weird. Instead of just posing for a photo with her framed degree, she started saying that people were jealous of her because she is pretty and that she didn’t need to prove anything to anyone. We have yet to see a single degree from her yet in the last month, we have seen two from Chris Brown. What a world.

Joshua Jackson Claims Another Melanated Victim: Last but not least, Joshua Jackson has a entrapped a new Black girl under his spell. We knew this day would come. Well, I did. Months after James Van Der Beek died, rumors swirled about Joshua Jackson and his former Dawson’s Creek costar, Katie Holmes kanoodling in their grief. I never was really sure about it because, frankly, Katie does not seem like his type if you know what I mean…and lo and behold, last week, Jackson was spotted cracking up with model and dancer, Olivia Burgess and you guessed it, she’s exactly his type. Actually, she is a little less brown than he usually prefers but Black nonetheless! Olivia is the daughter of Black model Gloria Burgess. From reading about Olivia online, I’ve learned she studied dance at Ailey, rode or rides horses and spent a significant amount of time growing up in Paris. I should also mention she danced for Beyonce. She seems like a great girl which is why I am worried for her. Joshua Jackson is like a sith (and this is where my Star Wars references start and stop but that’s good enough) for women of color. Why is he always collecting them? What does he want? When will it stop? I have too many questions but I will leave you with this as Whoopi once said (in a movie, but still) “You in danger, girl”.

I’ll be back with more next week! Go Knicks!