Jay Z’s Natural Hair Journey Almost Fooled Me

What a week y’all! I’ve been a really busy girlie. Can I just say…summer really snuck up on me this year. I had the realization this week that it’s here and I barely noticed. It’s not like how it was in New Orleans or New York because in both of those places, leaving for Summer is a thing. Summer as a verb and all that. In New Orleans, the heat is so oppressive and all-consuming, it is almost necessary to seek shelter elsewhere although, eventually I learned to appreciate it. There was something peaceful about being around while everyone was gone and Essence Fest, which happens 4th of July weekend, was my favorite festival of the year. I did travel in my summers in New Orleans but I also didn’t mind staying put. There’s also no beach near New Orleans that I liked. The gulf was OK, if not a little meth-y, but I never felt right driving through Mississippi in order to get there. In New York, it was kind of weird if you didn’t go somewhere every weekend and between going to see my parents, going to see friends in Connecticut or out to the Hamptons, I was never at my apartment which is good because when it gets too hot, things in the city get weird. I know this statement is going in my damning privilege princess file for someone to use against me on Reddit, but I swear it’s not like that. Anyway, it’s REALLY not like that at all in Milwaukee. Summer is the superior season here so most people stick around to appreciate it. My friends have asked me what my plans are for the summer and I realized I had none and that’s because for exactly 3 months, we can enjoy living here. Not today though, it’s actually 54 degrees and raining. It feels like 48 so I am typing this letter wearing sweatpants, a sweatshirt and sitting concerningly close to my space heater. So this summer, we aren’t going anywhere special because plans don’t really work like that here but I will be attending my first Summer Fest and I also will be going to the State Fair which I went to last year for the first time and had a blast. I’m looking forward to both.

On Friday, I went to meet a friend for coffee and I thought that Ryan wanted the car so that he could go do his new little hobby, which is golf, but when I came back home, he had planned a whole picnic and asked me out on a date. Not to brag, but he also got me a ceasar wrap from Sweetgreen and all of my favorite treats from the Public Market. It was so sweet and fun and we had a great time, even though he made me walk really far for this picnic. Then on Saturday, thank God the Knicks took care of business in five. The NBA finals were very rough on my sleep schedule. After an exuberant Saturday night of celebrating, where we had champagne ready, we had to drive to Green Bay the next day for a brunch with Ryan’s family. Maybe I am too much of a New Yorker but I detest road trips. I really hate being in the car for too long. It drives me nuts and anything over 30 minutes is what I consider to be too long. Green Bay is almost 2 hrs away. People here act like that’s nothing. It’s so hard for me! I was so low energy for this brunch that I feel guilty. My outfit was so lame, I didn’t even take a photo of it but the afternoon was really nice and I got to observe more about mid-Western white culture which is always useful to me since I will definitely need it for a book later.

Speaking of books, I got cover concepts for my next book which I can’t share just yet but this is my favorite book cover so far! I love being a writer but after years of working online it is challenging to find a balance on how much you need to keep secret until exactly the right time. I like to run my mouth so this is a difficult part of the job!

We also watched both Marty Supreme and the Michael Jackson biopic. Marty Supreme was so awful, it made me angry. It deserved 0 awards. Trash. Trash. Trash. The Michael Jackson movie was ok but I was seething with rage when it began in 1953 and then almost three hours later, ended in 1988, talking about “the story continues…” Don’t you dare. I guess part two will be coming out sometime in the next two years. Annoying. Very happy I watched it from the comfort of my couch and not a theater.

I was so tense off of no sleep and just general Sunday scaries that I fumbled my riding lesson so bad this week. I really hate not doing well at anything and though we had no chips, I forgot the course multiple times, couldn’t find a good spot at least twice and went flying over an oxer that ultimately had to be lowered because I was just not doing it right. I ride because it makes me feel superhuman and I do enjoy being good at it. You’re literally flying but you know, I guess that’s why it’s called a lesson, I need to LEARN. If you want to see how this goes, someone should send me some Meta glasses and I’ll record for you from horseback. Right now I am wearing Westward Leaning sunglasses that cut into my nose and don’t have video recording capabilities. I have footage from the aforementioned lesson that I will be taking to my grave but I’ll post pics so you guys can judge.

Let’s get into this week’s recommendations.

Highly Recommend

The Bonnets On Love Island Are Healing Me: The producers of Love Island have figured out what makes good television and that is diversity! Conversely, a refusal to do this seems to be what is hurting Love Island UK’s ratings this year. But I don’t plan on watching Love Island UK until the USA one is complete. For the US, our sexy Sims in Fiji are a majority non-white cast and with that comes a few key cultural adjustments. Particularly around bedtime, I notice that most of the contestants fasten their bonnets in place before they start their evening ritual of dry humping while sleeping in a common space with their roommates. I am obsessed with how healing this is and would have for me to have seen as a youth who was often the only Black girl at the sleepover and certainly the only one with a bonnet. I used to be so embarrassed of the questions around my bonnet during bedtime that I would just forgo the bonnet and potentially risk a breakout on my face or breakage in my hair. It was such a mess. I wouldn’t know when to bring it out in front of a partner either. Now, in my household, Ryan and I both wear our bonnets to bed but I do remember my time as a single girl who never knew when would be the appropriate time to admit that I wear a bonnet to bed (yes, even with a Black partner. Come on, they are not sexy!). I just think that this is a great development for everyone to see bonnets being normalized by sexy people doing sexy things on tv. Additionally, they have allowed contestants to wear shower caps when they are going to be slimed or pied which helps to protect their hairstyles as well. Necessary! Culturally competent care is important! Though in a slightly sinister twist, the official Love Island store is now selling bonnets which makes me feel like they should at the very least, do more for the Black contestants when it comes to hair.

Kylie Jenner Cannot Do Pilates: As a surprise to no one, Kylie Jenner did not lose weight by “doing Pilates every day” as she claimed 4 years ago to throw everyone off her GLP-1 scent trail. We know this because Alo has a workout yacht sailing around Europe and Jenner is on it. The paparazzi caught her on a reformer doing…God knows what. Look, after my ride last week, you might believe that was my first time on a horse so I am willing to concede that people have off days but if you’re claiming that this is something that you do with regularity, I know what it should look like. I am over all of the Kardashian lies about their tweaks and treatments and have been for a while. Jenner also famously claimed to never have touched her lips only to admit to filler years later. The same process repeated with her breast implants. I am sure when she figures out how to monetize weight loss peptides, we will get a shallow confessional about how she turned to them for help after whatever number baby. I’ve experienced this exact fitness fakeout from many people over the years. I once did a boxing workout with Gigi Hadid and let me tell you…she’s getting knocked out. I know a lot of women feel compelled to lie about their workouts and social media used to be a place where you could do that but we have entered the surveillance state so it’s increasingly difficult to fake it. Now I will say that the Victoria’s Secret Angels are the only people I’ve ever known to throw down in a gym and those girls are no fucking joke. The Kardashians demonstrate as much athleticism as they do talent which is to say…it is clear why they have selected their baby daddies the way they have but being a direct descendant of an Olympian does not appear to be helpful for Jenner. The lies are a boring schtick but watching her struggle through serve the tray is not. As someone who actually does Pilates, it gave me a chuckle so I do recommend watching. You can also call me bitter for not being on the Alo Yoga boat and you know what? I probably am but my form is also perfect.

Michelle Obama’s Fashion Tribute: The Obamas are opening their big ass library in Chicago this weekend and they have been doing a lot of press around it. Last night, Michelle appeared on stage wearing a custom Acne Studios pencil skirt that featured a print of her late mother. It made Barack cry. This might be too earnest for the general tone of this newsletter but I think is is such a beautiful way to make sure that someone that was so important in your life can be prominently featured in a big way when it is physically impossible for them to be there. I am my own mother’s number one fan!!!! The moment was extremely sweet and I just want to point it out because I would 10/10 recommend wearing a skirt like this to a big event if you have the means to do it.

Do NOT Recommend

Jay Z’s Natural Hair Journey Almost Fooled Me: Well well well, if it’s not a wolf in an afro’s clothing. Jay Z appeared on stage a few weeks ago rocking a brand new look. Locs, gone, and in its place, a flowing fro that he allegedly detangled using his wife’s Cecred products, which I haven’t tried but people say they are fab. Now on the surface, this is sweet! Cool even. Disarming. It almost makes you forget that Jay Z is a billionaire sell out but then weeks later, after he continues to parade around his hair, he signs a deal with Target for them to exclusively sell the re-release of an album he made 30 years ago and it all starts making sense. He’s looking a bit more like Taylor Swift now isn’t he? Swift also famously sold Target exclusive music during the boycott which undoubtedly convinced white shoppers to return to the stores, if they were even boycotting at all. Only…it’s worse for Jay. I think he’s intentionally leaning into Black-power iconography, especially around hair, as a marketing tool. Black people have been boycotting Target (well, at least some of us have) since Target decided that DEI didn’t matter to them afterall. It’s hurt Target’s bottom line but they have begun an aggressive comeback campaign that involves helping everyone forget why they stopped going to Target in the first place. Jay Z has done similarly sketchy things in the past like his partnership with the NFL after they blackballed Colin Kaepernick. He marketed his position with the organization as “progress” but…for whom? Listen, Beyonce might be ok with him embarrassing her as long as she can get her lick back but to paraphrase the Summer House reunion, “that’s your husband. That’s not my husband.” He’s a whole opp. Billionaires are all the same and if you want to understand more about the problem with Black billionaires, I suggest reading the Rules of Fortune.

Alexis Ohanian What Are You Doing Here? Speaking of embarrassing husbands, Serena Williams’ husband was spotted at that UFC abomination on the White House lawn. Eeeeyyyyyuuuuuccccckkkk. The co-founder of Reddit decided, sure, why not, and fired up his jet to land in DC where a loser in a cage called Michelle Obama a man. What did he think was going to happen there? Even if he actually was going because he was a fan of the fights, he could have just seen whatever that was some other time in Vegas. This was clearly a celebration of the 80th birthday of everyone’s least favorite Gemini. People are really going to do a lot to justify this and I’ve heard every cock-eyed argument but spare me. Reddit IPOed a long time ago. He’s made his money. His wife is rich. The only reason for him to be there has got to be some gross power grab and it is pathetic. They are either Trumpers or anything he’s done is not a deal breaker for them and that’s weird. Trump himself shared an old video of him playing tennis with Serena in April of this year. I guess I have never been put in the position to imagine what I would do if Ryan had to attend something like this and I pray he won’t ever have to but I think this is harder to explain to his daughters than anyone and he will probably be having an uncomfy conversation in another decade when they might ask, “hey, why did you do that?”

Hailey Bieber’s Knicks Party: Even though Game 4 turned out ok for us in the end, Taylor Swift’s presence nearly derailed the Knicks victory and I don’t really know if that is true but her and her little friends showing up courtside wearing t-shirts with Knicks puns featuring all white people really annoyed me. Because you know what? I would have respected her more if she wore something for the Knicks when she showed up just two weeks ago in Cleveland alongside her fiance who was rooting AGAINST THEM. Like all of a sudden you like the Knicks?? Girl shut up and pay your taxes!!!! This girlie pop literally stands for nothing. Once again, I know that I am failing miserably at my New Year’s resolution to stop hating her but she just keeps…doing stuff that I find hateful. Afterwards, the gang went over to Hailey Bieber’s party at 0 Bond where I know that no one better have said the n-word in any of the songs that were undoubtedly being played very loudly up in there. Also there was Morgan Wallen’s Gen-Z sidekick Tate McRae. I got my little eye on every single attendee.

This weekend is Juneteenth and like my ancestors would have wanted, I am taking a REST. I need it. I don’t care. I’ll be back next week with more silly thoughts and a new weed recc. I still haven’t turned paid back on because I am having a lot of guilt about being gone for long and I feel the need to earn everyone back. I have therapy on Tuesday though, so she might get me together. Thank you for reading!!!

xD