Did you know that your brain does not really know who you are?
It works it out by watching your behaviour, the same way a stranger would.
So let me ask you this…
If you suddenly found yourself in front of a movie screen with your day playing out on that screen, but the sound is turned off, so we can only see your actions…. What would a stranger watching it assume about you?
In 1972, Cornell psychologist Daryl Bem published something that broke the accepted model of human behaviour.
The accepted model said your beliefs drive your actions, but Bem found it also runs the other way.
You work out who you are by observing your own behaviour, exactly as an outside observer would. Your brain watches what you do, and then writes the identity that explains it.
Which means identity is not the thing you fix before you change your behaviour. It is downstream of the behaviour. It CREATES your behaviour.
You have built an identity for yourself that matches exactly where you are…and unknowingly you continue to reinforce that identity with your current actions.
In 1967, Martin Seligman and Steven Maier ran an experiment with three groups of dogs at the University of Pennsylvania.
One group could stop an electric shock by pressing a panel.
A second group got identical shocks but no way to stop them.
A third group got none.
The next day all three groups were put in a box where jumping a low barrier stopped the shock instantly.
The first and third groups jumped within seconds, while most of the second group did not jump at all. They lay down and took it.
Why? Because they believed that no matter what they did, they could not change their circumstances. THE BARRIER WAS NOT THE PROBLEM, their beliefs were.
You have been shocked at a ledge somewhere and now you believe that ledge is your ceiling.
How much you can charge
How much space you can take up
How much money you can make
What kind of home you can live in
The kind of clothes that you can afford to buy
The type of friendships you get to have
The kind of relationship you deserve to be in
You have been fed an identity, and at some point you believed that was your ceiling, and now it’s time that you jump over it and create a new one.
First, let me be clear.
The seven habits below have nothing to do with scripts, objection handling or pitch structure. But they are the ones that changed my revenue the most.
They are what started to give my brain a new set of evidence to propel me into a different identity (and this new identity is the identity that I started then making a heck of a lot more money selling from).
These habits were not made up by me, but this is a list of how I have applied them.
They have been taught to me by people much smarter and much wealthier than me, and I have also taught them to thousands of students that I have coached over the years and seen their results directly.
And now they’re yours to do with as you wish.
(I obviously hope you’ll use them to break through to whatever your next level is and build your own million dollar identity).
I am not kidding when I say this. I don’t want you to take it lightly or with a grain of salt. I want you to take it as absolute gospel.
Because nothing extraordinary will ever be produced from you sitting behind your desk all day.
(Other than extraordinary boredom, extraordinary mediocrity, extraordinary exhaustion)
I know, because I’ve had seasons where I spent 10 hours behind my desk every day.
Not once in those seasons did I ever think to myself, “Wow, I am absolutely living my best life and I’m so excited about everything and having million dollar ideas left right and centre.”
No.
What I did experience was an energy of exhaustion. What I did feel was solitude and boredom and a “push through it” energy that made me feel like a cog in the wheel.
Do you think someone who feels like a cog in a wheel, bored out of their mind every day, is going to be making and selling hundreds of thousands or millions? No. Absolutely not.
My rule for myself is to spend as much time as humanly possible away from my desk and in fresh air outside. If it doesn’t need to be done for my desk, it absolutely will not be.
For example, right this very moment I am on a walk with my phone, dictating this Substack article into my notes, which I will then take home, feed into Claude to clean up, and post (from my desk).
(Because I know someone will ask, I use the Wispr dictation tool to do this. It is probably the best investment I pay for every month, and if you want to try it you can get a month free if you use this link.)
One of the best things I started doing for myself when I started my business was putting myself in environments where I didn’t feel like I belonged yet.
At first I started off with things that were free, because I couldn’t afford to do things that were paid.
I would go to the best, most beautiful hotel in my city and work from the lobby for a couple of hours.
(There is just something about fancy hotel lobbies that says “boujee” to me).
This is actually still something I do once a month. I have a monthly work date with myself where I go to the most boujee location I can think of and work there for half a day. (Except now I can afford to buy lunch or visit the spa there too).
Another thing I used to do was walk inside super boujee and expensive shops like Prada or Louis Vuitton or Rolex.
This one was so uncomfortable, because I would always have the belief that I don’t belong there. I also felt weird going inside knowing I had no intention to buy anything at that moment.
The way I reframed this is by asking myself would I feel the same if I was an extremely wealthy, $10 million dollar woman? Would I still have the same reservations? No.
So I started forcing myself to go into these stores and just have a look around, walking around with this aura of “I don’t need to prove anything. I don’t need to look a certain way. I don’t need to do anything. I belong here.”
It was a way of shifting my identity that trained me to see myself differently.
Because we all have filters that we view ourselves with, and those filters become our prisons. They become the cage of what we believe is possible.
Only one day you realise that the cage was never locked because you held the key all along.
This is another way I practise tapping into a different identity, and I call these identity signals.
One thing is to build an identity, another thing is to reinforce an identity, and as I am building an identity, I also look to reinforce that new identity. I do this with identity signals
They are the things that signal to me, “Holy crap, I am rich.”
These range from very minuscule things like literally just being able to pick up my kids from school every day, being at my kids’ sports events at school, or being able to wash my hair in the middle of the day.
All of those things signal to me, “Holy shit, I’m rich,” because they are one aspect of richness to me, which is absolute time freedom.
When I worked as a corporate lawyer my time was bound to a company for a minimum of 10 to 14 hours a day. I had zero control over my time and always had to ask someone else’s permission to have it, so time freedom is one of the greatest wealth aspects to me.
And then, of course, there are the bigger things.
Purchasing investment properties. Not looking at the prices of things in the grocery store. Paying for my parents to go on a trip. Picking travel destinations based on where I want to go instead of what’s the cheapest etc.
You will have your own identity signals if you start to look for them, and it is really important that you recognise them and celebrate them as they arise.
This is a small way to signal a new identity to your brain.
When I just started practising this, one of my “rich habits” was going to get my nails done.
Growing up I would always admire women who had their nails done because in my mind, for whatever reason, I thought it was such a rich habit. I thought, “If you can afford to pay $50 or $100 every few weeks just to have someone else do your nails you are WEALTHYYYY.”
The second I could afford it, in fact before I could even afford it, I started going to get my nails done.
It was something that made me feel so expansive and so in a completely different league to where I was at the time, and it 100% made me accelerate my identity transformation.
(Funnily enough, in recent years it’s actually the opposite and I don’t go to the nail salon as often but it kinda proves my point that it’s not what you do, it’s HOW it makes you feel).
Here are other things I have had past clients start doing as their “rich girl habits”:
get a blowout every single week
get a Pilates membership
valet their car at the shopping centre
switched to buying all organic produce only
started booking business class flights once a year
opened an investment account and deposit in there once a month
started playing golf
booked self in for a 1 night stay in a 5-star hotel
There are so many things you can do that are not the big, huge thing we often think we need, like getting a private jet or buying a Mercedes.
Yes, do those things if you can and if you want to. But you don’t have to.
You can start with these small habits, and the goal is to signal to your brain, “I’m rich.”
I personally had a private chef prepare meals for me while I was pregnant with my second and third pregnancies, and that was a massive rich feeling. Hiring a cleaner. Having someone come and pick up your laundry. Hiring a dog walker. These are all “rich habits”.
Whatever you feel would be the most aligned and richest habit for you to adopt, that is the thing you do and the thing you start with.
When I learned the neuroscience behind how our brain reflects our self-identity, and how visual cues create a feedback loop to the brain about who you are, I realised that if I wanted a different identity, I needed to start telling my brain a different story about who I am through the way I dressed.
I’ve always been someone who likes to get ready. I’ve always been someone who likes to do my makeup and get dressed. That’s just a part of me.
But something I started being really intentional with is putting together outfits that make sense in terms of colour coordination and how they make me feel.
Instead of just slapping on any random trackies and any random top, I would put effort into colours that go together and colours that complement my skin tone.
I have two styles of dress:
My off days. Days I’m not camera-facing, days I’m just getting things done, or I’m in “mum mode” I’ll dress more casual. Leggings, a matching set and a casual pullover, or jeans and a nice crisp white T-shirt.
My on days. Days I’m camera-facing, up in front of people, going to client meetings, filming, or even just days I feel like it... I will get fully decked out. I will put on my silk pants. I will put on a frill top. I will put on my blazer. I’ll not just tie my hair back, I will actually go in and create a hairstyle. I’ll do my makeup. I’ll put on shoes. I will literally dress head to toe to make myself feel like the most expensive version of myself.
And most recently I’ve been really intentional with fabrics and materials.
For a long time I didn’t pay much attention to that, but recently I have been really specific about buying things that are only high-quality materials aka. not polyester.
I’m not gonna lie, these are generally more expensive. But the few items I have invested in, I know, are going to last me a lifetime and make me feel so much more elevated.
When I understood fibre frequency, this really locked in my desire to be more intentional with the fibres I use.
Synthetic fibres like polyester basically vibrate at a zero frequency (almost zero - this table is not fully accurate but close).
I believe that we are all energy and that energy attracts energy, so if I don’t want my energetic field dimmed down by a low frequency, then I will be more intentional to not buy low-frequency fibres, and to wear high-frequency fibres on my body.
You know the people who can just punch back one-liners, who always have a witty comeback, who are able to articulate concepts so beautifully, who quote books and poems and statistics off the top of their head….
And you’re thinking, “How on earth are you doing that?”
Well, one of their secrets is that their brain is functioning really well.
And your brain function is largely linked to your hydration levels.
Your brain is roughly 73% water. And losing as little as 1 to 2% of your body’s water is enough to measurably drop your attention, your short-term memory and your mood.
Apart from changing your entire diet, which we can absolutely talk about separately, because grains are the absolute evil of our modern day diet, something you can do literally immediately right now is chug 2 to 3 litres of water every single day.
I know it sounds excessive. Yes, you will have to pee a lot. But I guarantee you your brain will function at an optimal capacity.
You will be sharper. You will be able to recall facts quicker. You will become a better communicator by default.
You will become more creative, you’ll have more ideas, you’ll become more curious and inquisitive, and you’ll become a more intellectual human, just by simply hydrating your brain.
(One of my clients bought a fancy water carafe and combined her hydration habit with her rich girl habit. So smart!)
Constantly being on is not how we’re meant to function. Not the notifications, not the checking in, not the running list in your head. (And yes so many of us do!)
It holds you in high cortisol and chronic stress, which leads to inflammation..and when that enters the body, we descend into freeze.
In survival mode you are not in creative mode. Your body diverts blood to your vital organs to run or fight, and narrows your eyesight to block everything out and focus on the danger.
That is the state most of us run in without realising it.
AKA COGS IN A WHEEL, NOT CREATORS.
Not gonna lie, I am terrible at this. My idea of switching off used to be editing a video while watching a show, or walking while dictating content.
That is not switch-off time. (Even though I am doing this right now lol I am acutely aware this is “work time” not “white space time”)
Real switch off is nothing. No content. No educational podcast. No business books.
For my intentional switch-off time, I do nothing. I don’t dictate content. I don’t listen to a podcast unless it’s something funny or interesting. I don’t try and educate myself during that time. I’m not reading educational books.
I might read something that’s fiction. Or just do nothing.
That is actual switch-off time, and it is vital and essential for you to calibrate to a new identity.
Because when you are in chronic stress or chronic cognitive overload, you are not giving off a frequency of vibrancy or expansion. You become stuck. Your aura is emanating stress and inflammation and a low frequency, and that does not attract other people, opportunities or put you in a state where you can expand.
So if you want to expand, grow and become someone who is magnetic, you need to start scheduling in COMPLETE WHITE SPACE in your week - consistently.
I know that some of these things sound esoteric. I know some of them sound a little bit out there. And not gonna lie…some are. But it’s up to you if you want to take it or leave it.
What I do know for certain is that every single one of them, even if it doesn’t logically look like it, is going to make you significantly more money.
People ask me, “What did you start doing when you went from making $10,000 a month to $50,000 a month? What did you start doing when you took your business from $100,000 a year? What did you start doing when you started signing $20,000 clients instead of $500 clients?”
And I give them the practical…. like changing my messaging, getting better at sales, changing my content, and dialling in my positioning and offers.
But I’ve also seen people do all of those practical things and get nowhere.
And it’s because they don’t rise to be the person who holds that.
Being that kind of person is something you need to change on an identity level.
And what I’ve written about in this post is exactly how you do it.
So I’d love to know in the comments what you think of this. What you resonate with. What you agree or disagree with. And what you’re going to start doing!
It’s time to give your brain a different set of evidence.
Founder, Empower Sales™
The Empower Sales School of Sales & Influence is where founders, closers and business leaders learn the psychology, positioning and communication skills that make sales feel effortless (and duh! we do the identity work too).
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I work privately with a small number of founders who want to master high-level sales strategy, messaging and influence.
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