Channeling Compassion

Waking up in the middle of the night with pain gets old after a while. Flip-flopping in the bed, trying to find a position that decreases the pain just enough to allow myself to drop off…

My mind starts catastrophizing about it: Why the hell is this happening? How am I ever going to heal this pain if I cannot sleep? What did I do to cause this pain?

This time, knowing the Saturn cazimi1 wasn’t far away, I dropped into a deeper inquiry to ask for wisdom on this pain. For those who are familiar with Elizabeth Gilbert’s Letters from Love, this is a similar process.

Asking the SOUL (aka “spirit of unconditional love”) to give us guidance nearly always gives us comfort and solace. It’s something I’ve been practicing most weeks for a year and a half now.

I’ve also been practicing astrology with my dear friend Patrick, of Truth Takes Time. We did some deep dives into Saturn in early 2024, knowing that this planet is often “blamed” in astrological circles for the events and situations that afflict us. However, things change radically when we see this cosmic teacher as a wise messenger, rather than an arbiter of punishment.

We offered a session on March 11, 2024 to help others channel this energy, and I wanted to share it with you as well. You can access it for free on the YouTube video below this paragraph.

Now that I’m three days into blissfully interrupted 7-8 hours of sleep after the sciatica hellscape of March, and I appear to be on the mend, I have the attention span to write and think more clearly again. Hallelujah! I can finish the post I tried to share a couple weeks ago, with my peace greatly restored:

Dear Saturn, what would you have me know today about this hip pain?

Dear Cristy,

I'm so sorry that you haven't slept well for the last three nights due to the pain in your hip, and you’re having a hard time finding a place that's comfortable to rest. I am not the one sending you the pain. However, I am the representation of the boundaries and emotional wisdom, that you are finding through this experience.

I want you to know that you're stronger than your pain. I want you to know that even when you feel like you can't stand it and you just want to do something dramatic to make it go away, you can stand it. You've been noticing how you can watch the pain come and go, crest and subside. You can be with it.

What I want to suggest is that you observe yourself closely. Observe your state closely. When the pain flares up, reflect on what thoughts might be coming up.

Are you telling yourself a story like you did yesterday? That you're not doing enough, and this pain is getting in the way of your to-do list and your tasks, and that somehow that makes you unworthy of love.

You're not unworthy. I will always love you. I'll always love you, whether you're in pain, or whether you're in deep pleasure and enjoyment. I will always love you.

I would suggest you start this inquiry, this exploration. Anytime you notice a time when the pain lessens, when it abates. It might be because you took the pain medicine or that caffeine kind of helps open up the blood vessels. Justt take a moment of gratitude for the ease. Remember how different it can feel when you are experiencing painand when the pain flares up.

Don't blame yourself, my dear.

When the pain flares up, you can notice it, observe it. You can change your position. Try to become a little more comfortable. Listen to what your body is telling you.

I want to tell you I'm proud of you. I'm really proud of you for doing this work. I'm proud of you for going there, for going where most people really prefer to remain unconscious. They don't really want to look into it. They don't want to observe their own internal tangles.

Also know that I'm here for you to give you the support and the structure and the wisdom to be able to take on what you can take on. And even to give you endurance through some of the pain. When it's time to do certain activities, you are learning to distinguish between pain and discomfort. Discomfort is survivable and so is pain, really, but there's a subtle difference.

Discomfort sometimes arises when you're doing something new or challenging that you're not sure you know how to do. And it's that discomfort that we often have to get over those little avoider parts of ourselves. And I know you know yours well, Cristy. You've been getting to know that avoider part, and I'm proud of you for doing that work.

I'm helping you realize where your own boundaries and your own porousness. While it's a beautiful thing and allows you to connect so easily with people, sometimes you take on their pain unnecessarily.

Just breathe into that for a moment.

Discernment is what I'm teaching you, what Saturn teaches you. Judgment comes from this part of us that wants to get everything right and it has a good motive. This judge we have in us, it wants to get everything right. It's learned rules. It's absorbed what people have told it. It’s well-intentioned.

It's not trying to harm you, but it lacks the nuance of discernment. Discernment is a product of your wisdom, learning lessons from experiences over time. Understanding when it's all right to say yes to something, even if it challenges you. Even if it creates a busy calendar.

Then other times when you're in pain, when you're hurting, it's all right to just rest.

I know this is gonna be challenging for you in the next couple of days, but you will need to slow down more. You're going to need to rest more. You might only be able to do one or two hours of work during the day.

Know that I'm with you always. I'll never wish these afflictions for you. However, with these things that you endure, you are developing deep wisdom and deep spiritual muscle to be able to face any challenge.

So my dear, I think you could probably have some breakfast now and move on with your day. I'm so glad you checked in with me. I hope this was helpful to you.

Love Saturn

Thanks for reading! May you channel the compassion that unconditional love, or any of the planets has to offer you. Offer it to yourself. Offer it to those you love. Offer it to those who are hard for you to be around. You never know what challenges might lurk beyond their strained smiles.

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