Agency and Embodiment

Life seems pretty challenging when we are under family transition pressures. Then we add a toddler/dictator in the White House, disregarding democracy, pissing off major allies, and aligning with a Russian kleptocrat.

It’s all a little much, isn’t it?

If you really are struggling, I highly recommend a listen to Jay Moon Field’s most recent course, Finding Energy and Optimism in Difficult Times1. What I love most about this short 30-minute video is that Jay helps us realize that hope is not necessarily our best bet. Instead, she helps us see how we can embody our own agency.

There are several micropractices she offers to help us get there, and they are ways to resource ourselves in the moments when we may feel overwhelmed. As we spoke on a recent Somatic Wisdom podcast, it occurred to me again how often those of us who are highly empathic truly need this work.

I opted to be vulnerable and to apply a technique on the spot that she’s been teaching her clients to a situation with my Mom. Especially with family members, we often have long-standing patterns and roles we adopt.

It can be hard NOT to engage in the “organ recital,” a litany of physical complaints, when we don’t feel well, and especially as we age. Our minds drift toward negativity bias, which kept us alive throughout much of our evolution.

It takes effort and practice to see when we are dwelling on the downsides, and to notice things that are going right. It’s also helpful to remember that the media is not necessarily going to balance that scale for us. We must do this for ourselves.

For me the easiest way to do this is to get out for my daily walk. About 80% of the time, I take along a podcast or audio book. (Learning is my happy place.)

I also tune into the sounds around me, and even the sound of my inner voice(s). It’s also helpful to remember that our inner judge and saboteur voices have been programmed into us by our culture.

When we are disembodied, and disconnected from our senses, these fear-based voices tend to become stronger. Whereas when we access the more compassionate, wiser part of ourselves, this voice always contains love.

Remember that to stay disempowered actually serves the late-stage capitalism machine.2 People tend to consume a lot of things they don’t truly need to quell their anxiety rather than to resource themselves internally.

Back to my conversation with Mom. As it turns out, I visited for a couple days right after that conversation. I opted to be proactive about how to resource myself differently during the visit. I took more breaks from the “sitting time” (when the organ recital tends to play) and didn’t drive myself as hard as I sometimes do.

Was the house a little messier than usual when I left this time? Probably. But I felt less resentful and annoyed about not honoring my needs for rest. It’s a 4-5 hour drive from my home to hers, and sometimes I forget that takes energy too.

Mom is an adult, and there are sliding-fee services she can access to get more of the help she needs. Next visit, I’m going to help her apply for these. My tendency to over-function felt right sized, which helped me remain more patient.

I took a deep breath when Jay coached me about how caring for our relationships is deeply valued, and yet also feels like a burden (2-min juicy clip here). Her “hey wait” strategy is still on a post it note in my car.

My whole body feels the exhale as I let go of some of the pressure I’ve put on myself. I see it for what it is, an attempt to care for someone I love.3 But I don’t need to do it at my own expense. And neither do you.

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