Three Ways I Will Defend Donald Trump

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

This morning I watched Seth Meyers on a YouTube clip talking, as usual, about the scary weirdness that represents the MAGA movement and their figurehead the Donald.

Let’s get one thing clear: I think that man, and the movement in general, is the greatest danger to the life and liberty of myself and everyone I care about to arise since I was born.

I am not a fan, and if you are, you are welcome to take your eyeballs elsewhere.

But I am tired — so tired — of seeing people who know better, who seem to want to make a better world, take lazy potshots at the man based on physical characteristics or other forms of shame that we on the liberal Left condemn when others do it.

There’s the unflattering tennis photo that highlights his butt. There’s the “mushroom” joke about the size of his penis. There’s talk about his posture, about the potential for needing adult diapers, about his belly. Discussion about how he lies about his weight.

Does he body shame others? Yes, absolutely. His behavior around and speech about women in particular is repulsive. But that does not give anyone else a free pass to turn around and do it to him, any more than “but he hit me first” was a justification in kindergarten.

And every time you make fun of any of those characteristics, there are people who share those characteristics who are being shamed as well. You aren’t hurting Donald Trump at all — but if there’s someone in the room who may be facing the need to buy some incontinence aids, or who is dealing with some body dysphoria, you are othering them. You are making fun of a characteristic they share, and as such, you are hurting them.

JFC. Can we please stop making fun of his dancing?

I get it. In general, we love to shame people for dancing, starting with ourselves: “What, me dance? Ain’t nobody wants to see that…”

Yes. There is. There is me.

Look, I’ve always loved dancing — you can ask my parents and siblings. In high school, I was basically a glee kid.

Then for many years I thought I’d lost dancing forever — which made it all that much more meaningful when I was able to earn a degree in it from the oldest collegiate dance program in the country.

Now I still struggle to keep dance in my life, movement, because age and hustle culture and etc, but you know what does not keep me from dancing?

Some kind of idiotic toxic fragile masculine stereotype that there’s some kind of “right” or “wrong” way to dance.

Sure, if you’re trying choreography or some certain styles, it may be right or wrong. But if someone hears music and it just makes them want to move their body, that’s a good thing.

Pardon my French, but who the fuck are you to belittle that?

And yeah, I don’t care who is doing the dancing. You want to criticize someone for something, find something they actually did that hurt someone else.

But when you make fun of some particular hand motion, some off-the-beat steps or claps or wiggles, you are reducing the chance that anyone who hears you will ever want to dance. You are telling them “I am the arbiter of what movement is right or wrong, and I will judge.” And why would anyone want to face that?

And there are a lot of things the world needs less of, right now, but dance is not one of them. *

The next time you’re watching some news or commentary about politics, see how many times they use the phrase “…porn star” in regards to Trump’s affair with Stormy Daniels.

Why? If she was a mechanic, or an accountant, or a hairstylist, would they bring that up?

Stormy Daniels is a professional success in a very difficult and entirely legal profession, and any problem you have with the way she uses her body to make money is entirely a reflection of your own opinions about sex, as well as the right for a woman to choose what happens to her body (hey, that sounds familiar; who else was it that wants to take away autonomy?).

Was it wrong for him to have sex with her? Probably, based on what we know of the type of marriage vows he putatively has with Melania. You definitely have some hypocrisy there you can go after.

Was it wrong for him to pay her off to keep quiet as part of an attempt to manipulate the news cycle? Well, the law certainly thinks so, and that can totally be brought up.

Was the fact that she has sex on camera for a living in any way a factor in those things, or anything else about the situation?

Nope. Not at all. But because people tend to get puerile, and this whole culture is sadly still hugely repressed about sexuality in general, that little tidbit gets added in — not because it adds any value to the information, but simply because it makes the amygdala of the listener go “oooh! Porn!”

What really irritates me is that it’s just lazy.

There is so much about Donald Trump’s words, policies, and harmful actions that are there to be criticized.

Seriously. Just in the events of January 6th there’s more to criticize than you could exhaust in a year. And we have all the COVID times, we have the campaigns, we have the document scandal, the business chicanery, the ridiculous egocentrism…there’s so much to ridicule and criticize and make fun of, and we should, because humor is a deadly tool against authoritarianism.

But ableist body-shamey sex-negative quips that would be stale in my 1980’s middle-school lunchroom? Why? Aside from low-hanging fruit?

Absolutely make fun of Trump and all his cronies. But let’s not get acclimented (sic) to his level of discourse.

You’re better than that. I know that, because otherwise you wouldn’t have read this far. So if you’re making fun of his ass, or his slurred speech, or his dancing — knock that shit off.

* While we’re at it, as a person with dentures who also happens to talk funny when they’re loose or I actually want to be comfortable and take them out — how about we don’t make fun of the way he talks, and instead delve into the glorious depths of material available in what he says when we’re being critical?