Late night thoughts on belonging...

Lately Ive been struggling with creating content, not just on here, but on YouTube and Instagram as well. I find ideas that sound like something I can stick with, but then I see something else and switch to it instead. I’m constantly switching from theme to theme, topic to topic, and it’s become a nightmare.

It’s like I'm stuck on a train, hitting each stop, but never actually getting off to experience the location. Forever peering out the window and enjoying the short moment of happiness it evokes.

I know a lot of these issues arise from my consumption. Scrolling, consuming and then comparing. I like so many different things that when I see something, I want to create it or make a whole identity around it.

One I often drift back to is color grading. I love the cinematic look, the coziness of the warm tones, the earthy greens and dark shadows.

Then there’s the deep moody vibe that I love. Featuring dark values, deep shadows, hints of blue, but a mostly grey atmosphere. Like you’re stuck in a somber movie scene with everlasting rain.

How am I supposed to stick with one vibe when so much calls to me?

Then there’s the niche…
We all know what creators say about niches, so I won’t go into that. But my issue is finding where to sit myself.

Do I sit with the cozy gamers?
I don’t play enough cozy games, but I don’t play hard enough to sit with the other gamers.

Do I sit with the study vloggers?
I love studying and learning, but I don’t go to a university or college at all, I just research topics for fun.

Do I sit with the art kids?
I love drawing and animation, but I don’t like coloring my art and it ends up looking plain. I also don’t feel like i’m creative enough to justify an art channel.

Do I sit with the silent vloggers?
I love silent vlogs, but I don’t feel like I have enough to share to keep anyones interest for long.

Im a huge homebody who is obsessed with content creation, but more on the learning part than actually applying it.

That’s my problem.

Perfectionism.

The silent killer.

How dare you think that’s good enough to go out in the world, you can’t waste peoples time like that.

Well i’m wasting it now if you’ve made it this far.

I don’t wanna say that i’m going to start doing something because I fear that always messes things up for me. So instead i’m going to leave this here as a reminder:

“Creator comparison is 10x worse than our everyday comparison because of survivor bias.”
- Briar Cochran

We can make it, we just gotta keep going.