you get a shane, you get a shane

The wonderful thing about fandom is that we can take canon and run a mile with it. We’ve talked about our love of AUs, and I also want to reference the flipside of the phrase “[character] would not do that” with “what are the circumstances under which [character] would do that?”

In Shane’s case, we can make that apply to so many things—retiring, coming out pre-Ilya, marrying a woman, cheating, and so on and so forth. Shane Hollander, may ye always contain multitudes.

That said, we here at Come To Think Of It have a list of criteria that OurShane (who may not be YourShane!) must comply with:

• There’s no crying in baseball hockey: We just don’t think Shane Hollander is a crier, like not really. Wet Eyes Shane Hollander does not let those trembling tears spill over outside of extreme duress like his mother apologizing or possibly dying (and sex. Let us be clear. Crying during sex is not only allowed, it’s welcomed with open arms).

  • For example: Struggle Pretty by thesehands

• He’s a BAMF: There are a few fics now and then where Shane gets rescued by Ilya in one form or another. And we are all for that when warranted! But sometimes it’s in situations where we feel like he could probably have saved himself (i.e. broken the jaw of the guy threatening him) because while he may be hockey’s goodest boy he probably does know how to throw a punch plus he’s like 6 feet and built like a truck (not Book!Shane but we cannot and will not picture anyone but Hudson Williams bless you and thank you).

  • For example: Borderline by wintersbane

  • And I’m including this one bc usually it’s Shane who gets roofied and I just think we should mix it up: Jane Doe by periwinkle_bumper_cars

• He’s a bitch: There is nothing I love more than Bitchy Shane Hollander. I heard “I’m going to get a vasectomy.” “Way too late” and something awakened in me. He’s Full of Snark Actually and it makes me want to fall to my fucking knees. Asshole4Asshole5Ever.

  • For example: i know where to draw the line by magneticwave

• He’s a boy: (Exceptions being Trans!Shane or GenderSwap!Shane of course). Partly this is because feminization kink isn’t really for me personally, but I also don’t think it’s for Shane Hollander? I can see the argument: here’s a guy who has had to perform masculinity for his entire life, there’s probably something really freeing in leaning far away from that. So it’s not as though this can’t or shouldn’t exist (and this applies to all of our criteria obvs) but for me it raises some uncomfy flags that I think would also make OurShane uncomfy, namely the fact that an Asian Bottom is so frequently the one being feminized. YKINMK etc.

  • On the flipside: Ilya Rozanov Gets Railed by GlitterCity

• He’s a whore: He might be a virgin (though not for long). He might have been with women (twice, and both times were terrible). He might have been with some (or many!) guys. But one thing is and will always be true: W H O R E. On his knees begging and crying for it and WE LOVE IT AND WE LOVE HIM. Since we are not alone in this there are many, many examples but here are some favorites:

  • If at first you donʻt suck seed by smugrobotics

  • Patience and Other Virtues by jtimu

  • For the Right Reasons by citrusses