mambo #5, or the perfect shane hollander

Okay so I guess I have magic powers now? Because the very same day I whinged about the many faces of Shane Hollander, YankingAwry posted Clean Sweep, which has…all of them?

I FUCKING LOVE THIS FIC.

The premise is as follows: Shane is on the Metros, but he’s never won a Cup cause the Metros kind of suck actually and there’s only so much one guy can do, even if he is Shane Motherfucking Hollander. Ilya is a janitor at Centre Bell. They hook up pretty easily actually. Oh also, Irina is still alive.

Every one of those descriptors had me scratching my head a little, going hmm I’m not sure I get where we’re going with this. I love angst! I love stress! I love miscommunication!

Rest assured, all of that is here, but also not really. Ilya and Shane understand each other from the beginning, and they work from the beginning, emotionally and companionship-wise as well as sexually (and worry not, the sex is Very Good. I will be thinking about a certain straddling handy for the rest of my life probably). And yet they do struggle, because what do you do when you fall in love with someone it would probably be emotionally safer not to? What do you do when it happens in an instant and there’s no way back?

Look this happens early so I feel only a little guilt about including it because it’s probably my favorite bit of the whole goddamn fic, this is the moment when I said, “Oh wow okay, this is going to make my whole fucking day.”

“Hey.” Shane nodded at the glass. “Boards are looking good.”

Ilya put the squeegee down and leaned on it, as stylishly as any mobster with a bejewelled cane. Then he looked Shane up and down. Blood leaped to the surface of wherever his gaze touched.

“So are you,” he said simply, without any artistry. It hit Shane like a puck to the head. “You will send the Guardians home crying tonight, yes?”

“I’ll do that, yeah,” said Shane, mouth dry. He was painfully aware of his teammates stretching and joshing around, just a few metres behind them. “And—um. After I do that. Is there anything else I should do?”

Ilya slowly straightened. Then he sprayed the glass some more and resumed wiping it down. “Maybe you should take shower,” he suggested, voice low, eyes on Shane. “Long, hot shower. Release the tension.”

“Okay.”

“Third showerhead, from the left. Has best water pressure. Pounding.”

“Pounding. Sure. Yeah.” Blood heaved and crashed around in Shane’s head, making Ilya sound distant, even though he was right there, in front of him. “I’ll do that. Maybe after everyone leaves.”

“Good.”

“Good,” Shane echoed. He took off his helmet to let out some of the steam, and ran a hand through his sweaty hair. Ilya’s squeegee dropped to the ground.

“Oh, your—”

“I have it,” said Ilya, picking it up, his voice completely even.

Tremblay was picking the clipboard back up. The players were starting to regroup. “I should go,” Shane said. He had to lead the next drill. Then, in an urgent whisper: “Sorry. Just to be totally clear. I’ll meet you in the showers, maybe like an hour after the game?”

Ilya’s mouth opened a little, then closed again. “Yes, Shane,” he said.

“Great, that’s what I thought. And you’ll be super careful, right? Because no one can know—” Ilya nodded. “Cool. I’m really looking forward to it.”

A flicker of surprise broke through Ilya’s smooth exterior. Shane gave him a shy smile before skating back over to the team.

That’s myshane right there, and Ilya’s, too. I love him and I love them and I love life, the world is bursting with sunshine and rainbows because fic exists, isn’t it awesome that fic exists???

Emily’s Corner: A Petite Digression About Alive-Mom Ilya

I am also obsessed with this fic. I love the Shane in it very much for all the reasons Nikki enumerated (see above: ‘Ok I’m sending you a gcal invite that says SHOWERS’), and also because he’s already out to himself and his parents so we don’t have to do ‘Shane’s gay awakening.’ Obviously I love Shane’s gay awakening but eliminating it doesn’t automatically eliminate angst, it just provides subtler angst opportunities.

I also really love this alive-mom Ilya. One of my least favorite moments in a lot of fic — and in canon!! — is when Ilya Reveals That He Has A Dead Mom. Even though some authors handle it skillfully, in general I think it’s a little hack to give a character a dead parent in order to render them instantaneously dark and complex. Especially in shorter fic, where we’ve been having nothing but fun up until that point, the first whiff of Dead Mom Reveal often hits like the moment in a recent-history novel or TV show when the summer air in NYC turns fall-crisp and you do the math and realize that the author is gearing up to round the corner into 9/11sville.

I’d never really stopped to imagine what Ilya would be like if Irina had scraped together all her ingenuity and fled Grigori and raised her kid all over Europe with a ragtag band of queer chosen family members. The resulting Ilya is Ilya with the volume on several key personality traits turned down: Still slutty, but not compulsively so, still ambitious but not to the verge of self-annihilation. He still likes trouble but he’s not rich, so he can’t be a total hedonist. This Ilya has houseplants and keeps his room decently clean. Severed from his evil dad and brother and freed from all the “because RUSSIA!” concerns, he can focus on perfecting his skills behind the turntables (lol). Most importantly, he can have a hard time settling into a real relationship with Shane for lots of new and exciting reasons, all of which still feel true to his essential Ilya-ness.

What are some of your favorite big ol’ canon-divergent tweaks to these guys? Sound off in the comments!!