When “It’s About the Child” Isn’t Really About the Child: Documenting Contradictions

One parent says everything they do is “for the child.” They say they are protecting the child, advocating for the child, and putting the child first.

But what is actually happening?

The child becomes the messenger. The child is exposed to adult conflict. Parenting decisions become opportunities for control. Ordinary disagreements become personal battles. The parent repeatedly centers their own feelings, grievances, fears, and need to be right, while presenting those actions as concern for the child.

This is where the difference between what a parent says and what a parent consistently does becomes important.