Disappointed Dads

Both my kids play a lot of soccer, and for a time one played on a team with a group of fathers who, as spectators of games, expressed dismay, loudly, every time a pass was not completed, a turnover occurred, or a shot was missed—I called them The Disappointed Dads. If you’ve been watching any amount of the World Cup, you know, even in a professional match, among the greatest players, all these mishaps occur frequently. My son, from his position on the field, could observe one of the dads, each time a play didn’t go our way, remove his cap in a swift gesture of agony, and turn his back to the players.

At the start of a match, I’d wish these dads would not be so loudly disappointed in their sons and their sons’ teammates, but by the end, my nervous system was so shredded by their constant articulation of what in another era, and with another gender, might have been called group hysteria, I’d be thinking, Guys, C’mon! Better passes! Your dads can’t take it!

I experienced first-hand the way nervous system dysregulation is contagious. And while it’s easy to judge noisy sideline displays, I also have compassion for what I see as the root cause—the existential fears we carry with us that our child may not be safe.