Dolly

I read a quote today that said, “Dolly was the last American institution with higher approval ratings than puppies.” I don’t know if that’s genuine, but it’s probably closer to the truth than it is to fiction. I saw an actual poll from the University of Massachusetts that said only 5% of respondents had a negative opinion of Dolly Parton, which makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with that 5%.

Even Donald Trump, the world's biggest jerk, isn't in that 5% and ordered flags at half-mast today, which they will be at for a week. While Dolly Parton was mostly non-political, she came out in support of gay marriage in 2009 and was very supportive of the LGBTQ+ community in the wake of her home state, Tennessee, creating anti-trans hate laws.

One reason I don't believe in a God is that Donald Trump and Dolly Parton are both 80 years old. If there is a God who wanted to take out an 80-year-old today, why did he take Dolly Parton and leave Donald Trump?

Dolly also donated $1 million towards research at Vanderbilt University Medical Center to help create the Moderna vaccine for COVID-19. When she was vaccinated in 2021, she promoted the event on social media with the tag, "Dolly gets a dose of her own medicine." When Donald Trump was vaccinated against the virus, instead of making a media event out of it and encouraging millions of his followers to get vaccinated as well, he did it in secret and allowed his cultists to continue pushing vaccine conspiracy theories.

Dolly was also a huge philanthropist, donating millions to charity, especially those in the Smoky Mountains, where she was born and raised.

I never viewed Dolly sexually. And while she often promoted herself that way, she was a loyal wife for over 50 years. Growing up, I had a lot of respect for Dolly as she was around the same age as my mother and my aunt Charlotte, who had helped raise me. I saw her in that light. The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas was very disturbing for me. I also had respect for her as a songwriter, even if most of her music wasn't in my wheelhouse. She wrote over 3000 songs, writing her first one at the age of five. To this day, I still love “Jolene,” “Hard Candy Christmas,” and “I Will Always Love You.”

One of my favorite Dolly stories concerns the last song I mentioned. When “I Will Always Love You” hit number one on the country charts in 1974, Elvis Presley wanted to record a version of this song. As any songwriter of the era would be, Dolly was very interested and excited until Elvis's manager, Colonel Tom Parker, told her that it was standard procedure for 50% of a song's ownership/publishing rights to be given to Elvis.

At that time, you could hit number one with a song that you had 100% ownership of, and it still would not have made you as much money as it would have if Elvis had a hit with it, with you only owning 50% of it.

Even knowing this, Dolly could not give up her song, even to Elvis Presley. Dolly had integrity. She said years later, “I said, 'I'm really sorry,' and I cried all night. I mean, it was like the worst thing. You know, it's like, Oh, my God… Elvis Presley.' And other people were saying, 'You're nuts. It's Elvis Presley.' …I said, 'I can't do that. Something in my heart says, 'Don't do that. And I just didn't do it… He would have killed it. But anyway, so he didn't. Then when Whitney’s came out, I made enough money to buy Graceland.

In 1992, Whitney Houston recorded a film for her film with Kevin Costner, The Bodyguard. Whitney’s version peaked at number one on the Billboard Hot 100 for a then-record-breaking 14 weeks. The single was certified diamond by the RIAA, making it Houston's first diamond single, the third female artist to have both a diamond single and a diamond album, and becoming the best-selling single by a woman in the United States. The song wasn't just a hit in the United States. It went number one on 34 official singles charts, with over 40 million copies sold worldwide. It became the best-selling single of all time by a female solo artist. It was also the world's best-selling single of 1992. As Dolly said, it made her enough money to buy Graceland, and Colonel Tom Parker did not get a cent of it. For what it's worth, and even though Whitney Houston had an amazing voice, I still preferred Dolly's version.

Even though her public image may not have been truly her, and she was never seen without a wig, and she had multiple plastic surgeries, she was a very genuine person, and her humor was often self-effacing. That's probably why at least 95% of the public loves her (I guarantee that 5% aregame is 640 now Trump voters). And she had great quotes. Here are some of them:

“When someone shows you their true colors, believe them.”

“People say how you stay looking so young? I say, well, good lighting, good doctors, and good makeup.”

“My songs are like my children—I expect them to support me when I’m old.”

“Love is something sent from heaven to worry the hell out of you.”

“Anybody’s life is a soap opera. Everybody’s life is a country western song, depends on who’s writing it.”

“I’m proud of my hillbilly, white trash background.”

“I would never stoop so low as to be fashionable.”

“It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”

“I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb—and I’m not blonde either.”

“Every single diet I ever fell off of was because of potatoes and gravy of some sort.”

“I was the first woman to burn my bra—it took the fire department four days to put it out.”

“People always ask me how long it takes to do my hair. I don’t know, I’m never there.”

“It’s a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I’d be a drag queen.”

There are 70 days left until the midterms.

Creative note: I had just sent the cartoon I had planned to do for the day to Laura for proofreading when I got the news about Dolly Parton's death. I knew right then that I had to do a cartoon for her.

As you know, I'm not a big fan of drawing obituary cartoons, but there are times when I know it is required. It was definitely required today. If for no other reason, I had to do it for my mom. My mother was a huge fan of Dolly Parton. She was also a huge fan of Burt Reynolds, so when they did that movie together, she really freaked out. I'm pretty sure I saw that movie about 100 times after it eventually came out on VHS.

Even though I don't love the song "Coat of Many Colors, I know it's one of her signature tunes. I wanted to do something very simplistic, and when I got this idea, I knew it wouldn't take much time to bring it to life. I think it's one of those cartoons that I will look at later and wish I had invested a little more time in it, but I wanted to get it out as soon as possible.

Music note: Duh.

Drawn in 30 seconds:

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