Mam Mojo in Motion #9

Well, it’s been a while.

Not because nothing has happened. Quite the opposite.

In fact, so much has happened that updating everyone feels less like writing a blog post and more like preparing evidence for a public inquiry.

I made it my mission to shift the “baby weight” that, let’s be honest, two years later was just weight.

So I got serious about it. I consulted a doctor, joined a gym, went swimming regularly, started attending my best friend’s yoga classes and wellness workshops, and even managed to lose a couple of stone. It’s still slowly creeping off.

I can’t pretend I ever became one of those deeply irritating people who genuinely enjoys working out.

What I did discover, however, was that the gym gave me a rare opportunity to listen to podcasts without anyone shouting “Mam!”, demanding snacks, or attempting to climb me.

(Unlike one of the twins, who is currently treating me as a climbing frame rather than sleeping. Admittedly, she did wake me at 3.50am this morning. Her brother followed suit at 4.15am. I’ve been awake ever since.

They haven’t.

As they slept peacefully, it took all my willpower not to return the favour by tugging arm hair, twisting noses, digging elbows into sensitive places and generally behaving exactly as they had towards me throughout the night.

I didn’t.

Mainly because apparently I’m the adult.)

The gym suddenly seems remarkably peaceful.

I got fitter and caught up on my podcasts.

A win all round.

The gym and yoga have taken a temporary hit over the last fortnight because my wife and eldest daughter are currently in China.

Most people hear “Chinese business trip” and assume holiday.

Some might even raise an eyebrow and mutter something about taxable expenses.

Alongside visiting family, my lovely wife and daughter are visiting special schools and rehabilitation centres, networking, filming and gathering material for Forget-Me-Not Productions.

They’re also documenting the experience from my daughter’s perspective as a young woman with learning disabilities. The excitement of travelling comes with its own set of anxieties, from navigating unfamiliar environments to worrying whether airlines will understand that the person accompanying her isn’t just a travelling companion but an essential source of support.

The footage will eventually find its way back to me and be transformed into blogs, vlogs and social media content.

This clearly isn’t tax avoidance.

It’s relax avoidance.

A condition that causes sufferers to turn holidays into projects.

To be fair, I may have the same condition.

A perfectly innocent weekend recently presented itself and I immediately turned it into a preschool Make Music Day event. Fortunately my mother helped wrangle the twins while I led the session.

There’s video evidence here.

Because apparently I look at a challenging situation and immediately think, “How can I make this slightly more complicated?”

And that’s before we get to the work stuff.

Somewhere amongst the gym sessions, podcast listening, yoga classes, twin wrangling and accidental pre-school project creation, I also managed to wrap up a major grant project, release two new podcast episodes, help my son harness his creative streak and screen obsession into a Kids YouTube channel (managed by me) called Kid Power, deliver the completed manuscript for Kate Bush Album by Album: This Woman’s Work, watch my first Kylie book continue to surprise me. Like its subject's name, which is often said to derive from an Aboriginal word for "boomerang", it seems determined to keep coming back. This had led to me getting offered a contract for White Owl Books for a second Kylie book (Kylie Minogue: Showgirl).

I’ve also written a couple of brand new songs with Gavin Clifton for Word Groove Collective, pitch material to Heather Small and Misteeq, continue work on a Tori Amos book project, reach roughly the halfway point on my IVF book, begin exploring funding opportunities to turn The World According to Daisy into a book series, and somehow write around 10,000 words on the A Nightmare on Elm Street franchise, which may or may not become a future book, blog series or simply evidence that I should occasionally leave the house.

The Alanis and Buffy projects are still lurking patiently in the background waiting their turn.

On paper, this all sounds remarkably productive.

In reality, it mostly feels like sprinting between deadlines while carrying a toddler under each arm and occasionally remembering to eat a boiled egg.

Perhaps the biggest win isn’t the one you’d expect.

Not the book deal.

Not the finished manuscript.

Not the Word Groove Collective songs.

Not even losing a couple of stone.

It’s watching my son finally learn to tie his shoelaces after years of finding it difficult because of his dyspraxia.

Some victories are bigger than they look.

Since my wife left for China, I’ve spent a surprising amount of time having wet knickers flung in my direction.

Not that kind.

While holding the fort at home, the twins have decided they are ready for potty training. Wet knickers seem to be appearing on random surfaces.

Baby Bear has adopted a different strategy, though.

Namely wandering around commando like a slightly naughty puppy and leaving little puddles for me to discover.

Apparently this is what passes for relax avoidance in toddler circles.

The washing machine has never been busier.

Looking back over the last few months, I’ve come to the conclusion that my mojo is alive and well.

My ability to relax, however, remains under investigation.

Thankfully not by HMRC.