The Soft Pause: The Creator’s Secret Ally

When I ask people what they use when feeling triggered, the number one answer I hear is, “I pause.”

I will never forget one woman’s response when I asked “Why?”

“Usually, I pause so I can come up with more information to make my point or convince the other person that my point of view is right.”

A wry smile appeared on her face, signaling she knew exactly what she had admitted. Her answer was refreshingly honest though.

Reflect for a moment on why you pause. What are you doing during those few seconds?

Are you gathering evidence? Rehearsing what you will say next? Looking for a better argument? Many of us think we are pausing, but we are simply continuing the conversation in our heads.

That exchange reminded me of one of the most useful TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic®) practices I know: the soft pause.

The soft pause is one of a Creator’s secret allies because it creates space between a triggering event and your response. That space may last only a few seconds, but it can completely change the choices you make next.

Without a pause, life often runs on autopilot. Something happens and we react. We defend ourselves, make assumptions, blame, withdraw, or try to control the situation. The reaction may be subtle or dramatic, but it often happens so quickly that we don’t even realize we have a choice.

The soft pause interrupts that pattern.

It gives your nervous system a chance to settle and your Creator nature an opportunity to reappear.

When you pause, you stop giving your allegiance to every thought, every emotion, and every story arising about the situation. As your attention softens, your nervous system softens as well.

Something else happens too.

When your gaze softens, it widens. Instead of fixating on the problem, your awareness expands. You begin to see more of the landscape around you. The situation that felt so urgent a few moments ago starts to recede into the background, allowing a broader perspective to emerge.

The key word is soft.

I’ve written for years about the power of the pause. As I age, and as the world becomes increasingly complex and uncertain, I find myself appreciating the power of softness even more.

Many people use a pause to think harder. They analyze the situation, mentally prepare their response, or decide who is right and who is wrong. A soft pause is different. Rather than forcing an answer, it invites you to become present.

For many people, the challenge is not understanding the value of a pause. The challenge is remembering to use it when it matters most. The first step, as with any practice, is remembering to do it.

The next step is simple.

Take a breath that is a little deeper and a little slower than usual.

Relax your shoulders.

Gently soften your gaze and look around for a few seconds without focusing on any particular object.

Notice what is happening inside of you.

You are not trying to solve the problem. You are creating the conditions for a more resourceful response to emerge.

This may sound simple, and in many ways it is.

Neuroscience tells us that when we interrupt an automatic reaction, we begin creating new neural pathways. Over time, the brain becomes less dependent on familiar reactive patterns and more capable of choosing conscious responses.

The soft pause helps create that opening.

It is often during the pause that we realize the story we are telling ourselves about the problem, the situation, or the other person may not be completely true. The soft pause allows us to step back long enough to see a bigger picture.

In TED*, we often talk about the importance of moving from reaction to creation. The challenge is that the shift rarely happens by accident. Most people need a practical way to interrupt old habits before a Creator response becomes available.

The soft pause is one of those tools.

That is why I encourage people to practice the soft pause throughout the day, not just during difficult moments. Pause before answering an email, entering a meeting, or responding to criticism. And perhaps most importantly, pause before making assumptions about what is going on.

These small pauses train the brain and body to slow down and become more aware. Eventually, the practice becomes available when the stakes are higher.

The soft pause does not guarantee that every response will be perfect. It does, however, increase the likelihood that your response will come from your Creator essence rather than from a reactive habit.

Sometimes that is all it takes to remember who you want to be.

Until next time,

Here’s to the Creator in you!

Donna

Artificial Intelligence (AI) is one of the defining issues in our time - it forces us to evaluate what is truly human and what is uniquely ours to do. We can either see AI as a persecutor or a challenger. Join our CEO Daniel on July 16 for a practical discussion and toolkit for being a Creator with AI.

Click the image below to register!