Tulsa, Oklahoma appeared on my radar in 1996. My (ex) husband got a job offer in Muskogee, OK and we drove up to look around. Having lived in Kobe, NYC, Taipei and Dallas, it didn’t feel quite like ‘home’, especially when I learned about a movement called ‘white flight’. I told him to keep driving and we ended up in a suburb of Tulsa.
For many years I was focused on raising a child and living the white picket fence life (we literally had a white picket fence!). After being proselytized on my driveway, we joined a Unitarian church so we would be better equipped to fend off the occasional religion zealots.
All Souls Unitarian Church became my home away from home. We raised our child there and participated on over a dozen committees. I befriended remarkable people who shaped Tulsa and gave it heart, soul and arts. I listened to thought provoking sermons and sweet voices of the many choirs. It was a place to grow and learn for many years, until it wasn’t. I will always appreciate it for what it was and cherish the people who were part of those years. All Souls is the place that introduced me to some incredible women.
Growing up in NYC there was no shortage of women I admired, but it wasn’t until I got to Tulsa that I met women I aspired to be like. Social justice warriors, activists, spunky and feisty females who knew their worth and didn’t back down. Sue Ames actively recruited me to escort patients at the reproductive services clinic. I assisted Jill Zink Tarbel in the church archives where shared stories about Tulsa history. She never mentioning the many awards she received for championing disability rights and other humanitarian causes. Nancy MacDonald was a force to be reckoned with, integrating Tulsa Public Schools, introducing the magnet school program, fostering the creation of Partners in Education along with being the President of PFLAG. I watched high school kids line up to greet her and get a hug. Barbara Santee, Gloria Dialectic, Jan Alexander, and the list goes on. I was incredibly fortunate to have been in their circles and embraced in their aura.
Through my engagement with the youth program at ASUC and being a serial volunteer with organizations such as OCCJ (Oklahoma Center for Community & Justice), I learned more about inclusion work and met Aliye Shimi, my shero. The CEO of Tulsa Metropolitan Ministries, Aliye, is an exceptional woman and true badass! Her skills, projects and virtues would fill a whole blog. Just know the world is a much better place because she’s in it!
When I first moved to the area, there were not a lot of food choices. I didn’t look too hard because I was raising a child who would only eat brown and white things. It’s a far cry from the foodie he has become, but those early years were not inspiring food-wise and neither were most of the local food options. As my son’s palate grew, so did the Tulsa food scene. My foray into a food venture didn’t yield a sustainable business, but it connected me with a Tulsa landmark and one of my best friends. Nancy Bruce has owned Lambrusco’z for over 40 years, her food is legendary and she’s one of Door Dash’s Top 50 restaurants. She’s my mentor, collaborator, dinner companion, confidant and conspirator. My life is richer with her in it and I get to eat well too!
Speaking of dinner companions, Aaron, Charles, Linda, and Michelle have been constant companions, comrades, caring and dear friends who have made Tulsa home. The others who have been an integral part of my life are my Sunday dinner group. These academics, liberal bastion of libation & food connoisseurs who regularly potluck, have spent holidays and most Sundays together long before I joined them about a decade ago. Funny thing, almost none of them are from the area, or went away for a while and have boomeranged back. Tulsa has a way of drawing people in like that.
Tulsa is ‘Smallsa’. It has the feel of a small town where you run across people you know often and people are three degrees of separation, if that. Things are 20 minutes away and there are arts, activities, and history throughout. It has been a good place to raise a child and a comfortable homebase between travels. I could have effortlessly continued to live there and worked on a book, except that would have been the problem. Growth happens at the edges of your comfort zone.
I was at a convening in early May and I shared my plan to be geo-flexible. I declared while this was a big step, I was more fearful of settling for complacency. Tulsa will always be special to me and frustrate me as well. It has wonderful treasures I will miss. The world class ballet, wonderful music venues like Cain’s Ballroom and local theatre. I will miss the talented chefs, food purveyors and shops. I will miss my doctors and pharmacist along with their staff. It’s not the town of Tulsa King, it’s more The Lowdown which is actually filmed there (unlike the Tulsa King). You can see my neighbors who are extras, alas, I would have been an extra too, but timing and circumstances unfortunately didn’t allow it.
It’s not flawless or ideal though. Being one of the most philanthropic communities in the world has created a dependency fostering a culture of permission asking and soliciting. Hopefully one day the beautiful Gathering Place will live up to its tagline of being a ‘Park for All’ by being accessible to public transportation. Conditions in North Tulsa have improved, but the resources and life expectancy levels are less than the rest of the city.
I will be back to visit and perhaps return to live in T-Town, but for now, so long and thanks for the memories.
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