🤍 the breath behind the breath…

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I’m starting to realize that I’m just a spiritual being inside of this amazing creation that we call the body. It’s like a house I live in. I do live in a house that has windows and doors and when it creaks and cracks and breaks and has things that need fixed - I don’t physically feel them as I do in my body when this body creaks and cracks and breaks and has things that need fixed. I have nerve endings and receptors and all kinds of things scientific that I can’t explain or even truly know about on any deep level, but those are what makes me feel all these things in my body. 

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If I sit inside this body – this house that I personally live in - that my spirit lives in and I just sit here and let the body do what it does - I can begin to separate from the aches and pains and creaks and cracks, and just notice them. A tall order that takes work and a kind of mental separation from the pain - but I have done this and I am aware of others that have been forced to do this as well because of chronic dibilitating pain.
To pull back.. to become the witnessing witness of the pain and and to take it further, of the thoughts - (A BIG ONE), and of my reactions, my feelings.  To almost, if you will, separate my true Self from these constant gyrations inside this 'body' house where I run around constantly in the top floor in my head spinning around in thoughts...
It's definitely a 'practice,' but one that will free me from my 'self.'
So much freedom awaits when I realize that the 'thoughts' drive me completely away from the presence of being here and now.  I can go down endless rabbit holes.. ENDLESS. 
HOWEVER, I'm not saying anything new here however I'm now writing from a personal 'knowing' because I'm beginning to awaken to this at a cellular 'soul' level if there is such a thing.

We could discuss and talk ad nauseam about the concepts of growth, awakening, awareness, realization, I could listen to big spiritual teachers, go to seminars, etc., etc., etc., but for me I must have an experiential experience in order for it to move from concept to KNOWING (head to heart), and then from KNOWING to living it.. walking it. 

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I can sit and be utterly fascinated that I live inside this amazing creation of a body that is beyond my comprehension. I mean.. hormones, blood cells, microbiome, the abilty to procreate, my eyes, my hearing, my bones, tendons, nails, joints.. I could go on!  It’s amazing!  And.. I don’t control any of these processes – which is truly dumbfounding.  If I sit here – without me doing anything – they all go on. My heartbeat, my breath breathes in and through me, my hands move, my eyes, twitch, etc., etc. etc. 

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However, like any house, this 'body' house does age, it does need big maintenance as it ages, but if I take care of it and do the best I can with it - it will last as long as it’s karmically predestined to last. I may get unexpected disease’s that I can’t control and when I do – or when I have gotten those things – it is what it is and I do, as we all do, try to get those things mended or fixed or to a point where I can function in life with them as some sort of cross I obviously have to bear that - and in that space, I do my best to continue to stay as close as I can to that Power that is the breath behind my breath.
AND... if those 'crosses' bring me to salvation and freedom, then they have served their purpose.  I have never gotten any growth without pain.  NEVER.

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So this morning – as I realized all this – as I sat in complete wonderment and amazement, I felt on a slightly deeper level that it’s gonna be OK when I die or I should say, when my body 'house' dies - even though I’m still afraid.  Because there is something other than just my body that sits inside this body that must go on - it must!!  If I am indeed part and parcel of the big energy - of that Majestic Creator, then possibly my spirit just merges back into that energy. 

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This could be a much longer post and we could all wax on about this topic – because it’s a huge topic that many of us think about especially as we age and our bodies begin to creak and crack and hurt. But for now I think I’ll leave off and just continue to on in my wonderment as I walk this into my days with something other than me that is breathing me.  To be present with that and not try to figure it out because I can't... but just to become more and more acutely aware that something other than me is walking me around. 

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ASTOUNDING!

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Inside of this 'knowing,' I find a humble gratitude and an opening in my heart to something that I have come to know.  That a love beyond my limited pea brain comprehension is living, breathing, and having its being in and through me each millisecond of each day and night - through this body, through this mind, through this heart, through these emotions, through these feelings.. though my actions.
In this I ask "what serves?"  What do my actions serve before I do them... what do my words serve before I speak or write them... what do my thoughts serve before I chase them down rabbit holes and get stuck for hours, day, maybe even years?
What serves and who do I serve?"

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♥️ the breath behind the breath…

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 © Christina M James
     May 23, 2026