When Your Mind Knows, but Your Heart Won't Move

8:41 am.

Monday morning. I am starting the week with a void and a longing to discover the next step. This feeling permeates my entire being. I carry it to work despite being thankful for all I already have.

The dread of something missing pulls me to my email. “How To Make Six Figures from Writing in 12 Months” — I read. My brain feels enticed. I start browsing while a stunning story unfolds. I never imagined that what caught my rational attention would end up opening my heart.

Line after line, I am reminded of the bridges I have been building during the past four years focused on self-reliance, rediscovery, and vulnerability. Embracing myself as a writer has required changes of thought, behaviour, and belief. I am still working on it!

Between paragraphs, I reflect that I am eager to connect with that new me, but I am scared of failing. I keep going back to my old routine and forget that transforming myself is the goal. I know it in my brain, but my actions don’t match. I can preach it in my mind, but not in my heart. What difference does it make to know I have to make different decisions if I still fail myself?

I feel stuck. I have an idea and let it die in the drawer. I write and never edit. I start and… I constantly feel something is pulling me in all directions, which gets in the way of me being able to navigate towards anything. It’s not enough to understand that change is a habit. No, it's not enough!

The story keeps unfolding. I discover I am not alone. The article has everything to do with the journey of seeing yourself as a successful writer and little to do with money. A few lines below, I find support that goes beyond what a writing piece usually provides: “Be OK on the days when you don’t feel OK… Understand that you did so by writing on the good days and the bad days.”

10:09 am. While pouring my first coffee of the day, I reflect. You never know when a stranger will remind you that that longing for your best version is the greatest tool to bring you back to you—and that you are already on the right path.

Yes, some days we don’t feel inspired. Some mornings, we question our existence and see ourselves lost and drained. Sometimes everything is perfect, but we just can’t see how we fit in. It doesn’t matter how you feel; what you feel is OK.

1:12 pm. Lunchtime has passed. Between meetings, understanding bathes the day. The realization sinks in: that sadness, despair, longing, fear, or insecurity is not the question; it is the answer. The only reason I feel that way is that my Source Being has a different opinion about the situation and wants me to discover new horizons.

Then I think of you, the reader. If what you are experiencing is even remotely close to my battle, it is a calling to be the real you. Life sometimes seems to suck; we fail our dreams, we drop our goals, we disappoint the main character of our own movie. This is just the imperfect us living a real life.

We think we should do X and Y, be Z and W. But have you ever questioned the path of a star? It is brilliant, literally, from birth to extinction. You are made of stardust.

Repeat after me: This is just today. A season. A misstep. The show must go on, and you are already a freaking awesome star!