“Alice Munro” – I just want to have a small, quiet nervous breakdown.

Received: August 2, 2025 7:55 PM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Book trailer

Hello
Have you ever imagined your book brought to life through a cinematic trailer—one that captures its soul and draws readers in before they even turn the first page?

I’m not a marketer—I’m a passionate content creator who specializes in helping authors like you make their stories unforgettable. My goal isn’t just to promote a book, but to honor its heart and amplify its impact through powerful visual storytelling.

Before you decide, I’d love for you to take a moment to see the work I’ve done with other authors. I’m confident that, together, we can create something truly meaningful—something that resonates deeply with your audience.

Let’s make your story unforgettable.

Alice Munro was a celebrated Canadian author and Nobel Laureate who passed away three months ago at the age of 92, and who, according to an essay recently published by her daughter, knew that her husband was sexually abusing her child for decades and still stayed married to him.

And this scammer used her name to try to sell me fake book marketing services.

That was certainly a choice.

Book trailers are a favorite service among scammers because they’re easy to make with AI and stock video clips. They require little effort but they generate little to no return, at least for the author. Like a so-called TV or radio interview, it’s useless to have a trailer that isn’t being posted where lots of people will actually watch it.

So I have a “trailer” for my book. What do I do with it? Share it on social media, where I’ve already shared my book dozens of times with no results? Get real.

What really makes me giggle about Alice’s email is her insistence that her goal is not to market or promote my book. So what the fuck is she offering me? Why would I pay her to not sell my book?

I wasn’t going to respond to her boring message because I was busy with more important things, but she got impatient.

She wants a “respones,” guys. I guess I’ll give her one.

Then she sent me this.

Really? How lazy can you get?

I put as much effort into my reply as she put into her half-assed attempt to scam me.

But she pushed on.

Why? She wants to know why? Seriously?

And don’t think I didn’t notice that she signed her email with my name. She’s pretending to be me now? While talking to me?

And why is there a period at the end? What am I Fred Sanford?

In typical scammer fashion, she didn’t answer any of my questions.

My “kind response?” You’re a riot, Alice.

If you’re wondering whether she managed to actually use her brain to google me and find my books on Amazon, you’ll be relieved to know she did.

Received: August 8, 2025 12:57 PM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Book trailer

Thank you for sharing your response once again.

I took some time to go through your Amazon page again, and yes, I was able to access it. To be sincere with you—you’ve done a great job. I can see at least two titles, and it's clear you've put a lot of effort and dedication into your work.

But despite all that effort, it seems none of your books have reached 100 sales yet—and that’s exactly why I’m reaching out.

Let me ask you: have you ever considered using book recommendation clips to promote your work? Imagine 2–3 different people casually talking about how much they enjoyed your book and sharing their genuine experience. It builds curiosity, trust, and credibility. When multiple voices speak positively about a book, it naturally triggers that “I need to read this — I must be missing out” feeling in potential readers.

As I mentioned, I'm here to help and to build a strong, lasting business relationship with you. That’s why I’d be happy to create your first book recommendation clip completely free — no strings attached.

Just let me know which of your books you’d like to feature first. Once I have that, I’ll send over the sample script so we can get started right away.

Talk soon,
Jen Heller

This B is still signing her emails with my name. Did she forget that she’s supposed to be Alice?

In hindsight, I should’ve signed my emails with her name, but I wasn’t that clever last week.

Instead of responding to my reply, she decided to send me her portfolio.

The last thing I want to do right now is watch any one of her stupid videos, but I did it for you, dear readers (you’re welcome).

They were just as stupid as I expected, but I noticed what each of the three people said seemed very similar. So I transcribed the videos with AI, and party people, you won’t believe your eyes.

Below is the synopsis of the book on Amazon and the transcripts of the three videos Alice sent me with the most similar words and phrases highlighted by yours truly.

Creepy, isn’t it?

It’s like a formula:

1. I just finished The Hummingbird Lullaby by Kirsten Miles, and I had to share it with you.

2. It’s about a writer named Kate Benson, who falls for and develops a deep connection with her favorite author, Charli Diaz after a book exchange.

3. Their relationship is emotional with harsh words and apologies.

4. Kate goes on a journey of self-discovery, love, passion, and sacrifice.

5. Kate bravely and courageously decides to leave her marriage.

6. The hummingbird is a symbol of their love.

7. If you love queer, heartfelt, emotional romance with depth, this one’s for you.

8. The Hummingbird Lullaby is now available on Amazon.

I could probably have ChatGPT crank out 100 of these that are all slightly different. In fact, let’s take ChatGPT 5 out for a spin and see what it has to say about the similarities between these four texts.

I’d rate the overall similarity between the four files as high — around 75–80% overlap in meaning, though the wording ranges from exact repetition (hummingbird2 & hummingbird3) to moderate paraphrasing (hummingbird1 vs. the others).

Here’s how it breaks down:

1. Content Overlap

• Plot beats: 100% shared — all four recount the same story arc of Kate Benson, her relationship with Charlie/Charli Diaz, conflict, reconciliation, self-discovery, and hummingbird symbolism.

• Themes: identical — love, courage, identity, sacrifice, queer romance.

• Key motifs: the hummingbird as a love symbol appears in all.

Score: 100%

2. Language & Wording

• hummingbird2 & hummingbird3: ~90–95% identical wording.

• Synopsis & reviews: ~60–70% wording overlap — same events and descriptors, but more neutral tone in the synopsis.

• hummingbird1 vs. others: ~50–65% wording overlap — same ideas, but written in more formal, structured review style.

Score: ~65–70% overall wording similarity across all four.

3. Tone & Structure

• Two tones present:

  • Conversational/promotional (hummingbird2 & hummingbird3)

  • Formal/summary (hummingbird1 & synopsis)

• Even with different tone, structure is parallel: introduction of book → setup of plot → emotional/relationship arc → symbolism → recommendation.

Score: ~80% similarity in structure.

Final Overall Similarity Rating

If we weight content more heavily than exact phrasing (because the meaning and events are almost identical), the overall similarity lands at ~78%.
If we weight exact wording equally, it drops closer to ~70%.

Just as I suspected.

Lovely ChatGPT also offered to create a spreadsheet and visual similarity map, and you know I couldn’t pass those up.

I color-coded the spreadsheet for easy reading. You can see it here.

And here’s the map with ChatGPT’s commentary.

Here’s the visual similarity map: each node is a sentence, color-coded by file, with edges showing paraphrased or near-exact matches. The dense interconnections between colors illustrate how closely the four texts overlap in content and meaning.

I fucking love a petty robot.

What I’m getting at with all this is that these “recommendations” are nothing more than paraphrased versions of the synopsis, not “three different people casually talking about how much they enjoyed the book and sharing their genuine experiences,” as Alice here claimed. In fact, it appears that these three people never read the book at all.

I don’t know about you, but when I recommend a book to someone, I tend to, you know, actually say what I like about it.

If I were to recommend White Star by James Thayer to you, for instance, I would say that it has everything: action, mystery, comedy, and even romance. I’d say the pacing is a perfect mix of exposition and plot. I’d say Thayer’s descriptive writing conveyed vivid visuals. I’d say the characters are so well-written that I feel like they’re real people.

That’s how you recommend a book. You don’t just regurgitate the plot, like this:

“I just finished White Star by James Thayer, and I had to share it with you. It’s about Owen Gray, a legendary Marine Corps sniper, who is now a federal prosecutor. Gray thought his sniper days were behind him until people around him started dying, each from a single shot fired from a seemingly impossible distance. The killer is Russian sniper Nikolai Trusov, who was bested by Gray years ago and is now back for revenge. To stop the killing, Gray must lead Trusov into the Idaho woods for a duel to the death.

“It’s a dangerous game of cat-and-mouse between the world’s two deadliest snipers. If you love high-stakes thrillers, this one’s a must-read. White Star is now available on Amazon.”

See how easy it is to imitate Alice’s bullshit? All I did was paraphrase the synopsis and follow the formula, and voilà! Instant book recommendation script.

Speaking of Alice, several hours later, she finally replied to my last message.

Received: August 9, 2025 3:36 AM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Book trailer

Thank you for your kind response.
You’re absolutely right — I don’t have access to your exact sales numbers, and I apologize if it came across that way. Only you and Amazon have access to the actual sales figures.

What I meant was that I based my assumption on public indicators like rankings and visibility, which can sometimes give a rough idea of a book’s reach. Of course, those aren’t exact figures, and I didn’t mean to imply I had insider information. That said, it still seems there’s a real opportunity to get your books in front of a much larger audience.

My main point is that I see real potential in your work, and I’d love to help you reach an even wider audience so your books get the attention they deserve. With the right strategy, we can boost your visibility and connect your work with more readers.

As I mentioned, I’m here to help and to build a strong, lasting business relationship with you. That’s why I’d be happy to create your first book recommendation clip completely free — no strings attached.

Just let me know which of your books you’d like to feature first. Once I have that, I’ll send over the sample script for your review so we can get started right away.

Talk soon,
Jen Heller.

Wait a minute…

No. She didn’t. She couldn’t.

Friends, what was the title of my last article?

If you said, “You’re absolutely right,” you’re absolutely right!

And what was the reason I chose that particular phrase as the title? If I may quote myself…

“Most of the responses I’ve received from Claude begin with ‘You’re absolutely right!’ It says this phrase so often that I find myself asking it to stop, which only makes it switch to ‘You’re right!’ for the next 30 seconds before adding ‘absolutely’ back because it forgot what I just said.”

Fellow babies, I see those words in my nightmares. That’s how often Claude tells me I’m absolutely right. I’d rather be dead than absolutely right at this point.

If I may quote myself again…

“AI is like a pathetic friend with no short-term memory, no self confidence, and a pathological need to please. It agrees with everything you say, and when you point out that it’s wrong, it tells you you’re absolutely right and apologizes for being so stupid before.”

I pointed out that Alice was wrong, and what did she do?

1. Said, “You’re absolutely right.”

2. Apologized for being so stupid before.

How deliciously apropos.

I’m also noticing that “Thank you for your _____ response” is a pretty common phrase used by these scammers. Usually they say “kind response,” but sometimes it’s “thoughtful response” or just “response.”

Anyway, I read Alice’s message at 5:20 in the morning after taking my second dose of Xywav, and I was not in the mood for bullshit. So I decided it was that time again…

It’s time to break the bot! 🤖🔨

Unfortunately, she didn’t bite.

Received: August 9, 2025 9:07 AM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Book trailer

Wow… if I were the first person in history to sneeze, I imagine I’d stare around in shock, wondering if I’d just invented a brand-new human feature — half explosion, half magic trick. Then I’d probably laugh, name it something dramatic like The Great Nosequake, and wait to see if anyone else caught it too.

On a more serious note, I completely understand and respect your decision — no pressure at all. As I’ve said before, I’m here to help and to build a strong, lasting business relationship with you. That’s why I’d still be happy to create your first book recommendation for free.

Just let me know if you have any corrections on the script I sent you — I’d really value your review before I proceed.

Crap.

I tried again.

And again, she didn’t take the bait.

Received: August 10, 2025 5:45 AM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Book trailer

Hi Jen Heller, how are you doing?

I can see the passion and dedication you’ve poured into your work, and that’s exactly why I reached out — I’d love to collaborate with someone like you.

As I mentioned, I’m here to help and to build a strong, lasting business relationship with you. That’s why I’d be happy to create your first book recommendation clip completely free — something you can share on social media or Amazon Author Central to help attract more readers.

Here is the book recommendation script for Perfect by Jen Heller:

I just finished reading it, and wow — this book blew me away. Set in 199X, it’s a gripping story of a world where “perfect” genetically engineered superhumans rule, and the few “imperfects” are treated like property. Carmen, a “perfect” raised to lead with cruelty, crosses paths with April, an “imperfect” and former test subject hiding a world-changing secret. What follows is an unforgettable journey of friendship, rebellion, and hope. If you love high-stakes sci-fi with heart, Perfect is a must-read. It’s now available on Amazon.

Just let me know if you have any feedback or changes to this script before I move ahead with producing the video. I’m excited to help more people discover your amazing book.

Oh for fuck’s sake!

Just like her “book recommendations” for The Hummingbird Lullaby, this one just paraphrases the synopsis of Perfect on Amazon.

Did she think I wouldn’t notice? I wrote the synopsis!

To prove my theory, I went back to my new friend, ChatGPT 5.

Degree of Similarity

• Content/Meaning: ~95% overlap — both convey the same worldbuilding, characters, stakes, and themes.

• Language/Wording: ~60–65% similarity — the synopsis gives more structural detail (e.g., “endless wars for world domination”), while the recommendation condenses and dramatizes events for impact.

• Structure: Nearly identical progression:
  Setting → social hierarchy → character intros → secret → alliance → themes.

Overall Similarity Rating:

• Weighted for meaning: ~90–92% similar.

• Weighted for exact phrasing: ~65% similar.

See?

So, I told the bitch off.

And this is what she had the sheer audacity to reply.

You lazy motherfucker!

I mean, I knew scammers were lazy, but this is ridiculous!

She wants me to write the script for her! At this point, I might as well make the damn video myself and recommend my own fucking book.

Not to mention how shady it is for an author to write a script for someone else to record and pretend they actually read and recommend their book.

Apparently, the answer is yes.

Received: August 10, 2025 3:01 PM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Book trailer

Thank you for your response once again.
I completely understand you, but I always want to maintain a smooth relationship with my authors and do whatever they would like. That’s why I send the script for review before proceeding — not because I don’t know my work.

You mentioned that I used your synopsis to write the script — yes, of course. Your synopsis is the condensed version of your entire book, showing the main plot, themes, and tone. And that’s exactly what a book recommendation is all about: a short video of people casually talking about how much they enjoyed your book and sharing their genuine experiences.

This kind of video builds curiosity, trust, and credibility. When multiple voices speak positively about a book, it naturally triggers that “I need to read this — I must be missing out” feeling in potential readers. The synopsis helps me capture that essence for the recommendation.

Should I go ahead with the script as it is, or would you like to add something to it? I’m truly here to help.
Let’s not procrastinate — let’s start bringing your book to life.

Talk soon,
Jen Heller

Huh??

Her message makes no fucking sense! In the same breath, she says she used the synopsis to write the script and that the recommendation involves “people casually talking about how much they enjoyed your book and sharing their genuine experiences.”

What genuine experiences? Their experiences reading the synopsis?

How can they talk about how much they enjoyed my book when they haven’t read it? Did they enjoy reading the synopsis that much?

What the actual fuck?!

She’s faking book reviews, she’s using my name. I don’t know what’s going on.

My head hurts.

She replied as if I’d never sent my last email.

Received: August 10, 2025 3:01 PM
From: alicemunro.me@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Book trailer

Hey Jen Heller,

How are you doing?

As I mentioned earlier, I’m a freelancer — a book trailer creator and video editor — helping authors bring their stories to life and reach more readers on social media. I normally charge $200 for a single book recommendation, but to build a strong and lasting business relationship with you, I intentionally offered to create one for you completely free — no strings attached. I think that’s worth considering.

Right now, it feels like we’re delaying the process. All I’m asking is: should I go ahead with the script as it is, or would you like to add something to it? I’m truly here to help.

Let’s not procrastinate — let’s get started.

Talk soon,
Jen Heller

Two-hundred dollars. She charges $200…for what? Videos of people talking about how much they love book synopses?

Hold on. Didn’t we start this conversation talking about book trailers? Why is she wasting my time with this book “recommendation” bullshit?

I feel like I’m losing my mind here. I might as well move back in with my parents for all the fucking gaslighting going on. I need to regroup.

That’s it. I’m not putting any more effort into this conversation than it deserves.

One of these days, Alice…