It's not an emergency: a motto that keeps me sane in motherhood

Even though it often feels like it.

If your home feels like a constant swirl of tantrums, power struggles, bickering, and rushed mornings, you’re not alone. A lot of the chaos parents feel day to day gets worse when every small moment is treated like a crisis. The good news is that one simple mindset shift can change a lot:

A few questions I got on TikTok last week made me think about this motto that actually underpins most of what I do as a mom.

• How do I get my 15mo to stop alligator rolling during diaper changes?

• My kids are constantly fighting, what do I do?

• What about when my toddler won’t follow directions?

Yes there are strategies I can give you, but here’s the truth: you’re probably treating every one of these moments like an emergency.

I get it I HEAR YOU, there’s a lot to do. And I know that when I come in for a diaper change with my 15mo like I’m the pit crew at a nascar race, he resists lol.

Suddenly he’s flailing about almost like he can sense me rushing and it makes it all waaaaay harder than it needs to be. 😂

Here’s what I like to remember:

I’m going to share how I implement this at home (actual IRL examples) and not just a fluffy phrase that sounds good.

• why it even matters to slow down (when you can, because nobody is calm 24/7)

• how it affects your child’s behavior when everything is an emergency

• what it looks like to apply this motto in real-life moments including:

• diaper changes

• getting out the door

• sibling fights

• and everyday routines

Listen to the podcast episode: “It’s not an emergency”

The phrase may sound simple, but it cuts straight to one of the biggest drivers of family stress: nervous system overload. When you move through the day as if every task is urgent, your body stays on high alert.

You rush, your voice gets sharper, and even normal little kid behavior starts to feel annoying. Your child picks up that energy too.

Emergency energy is easy to spot once you know what you’re looking for. It sounds like:

• “Hurry up!”

• “We’re going to be late!”

• “Why won’t you just listen?”

• “Come on, come on, come on.”

That doesn’t mean you never need urgency. Sometimes you do, obviously when it comes to true safety concerns.

The thing about this is often we’re trying to get through the tough moment more quickly, but we inadvertantly make it worse.

Dysregulated kids resist harder. Not because they’re trying to ruin your day, but because your urgency can register as pressure or threat. A toddler who was only mildly uncooperative may suddenly become a full-body tantrum. An older child may get defiant. Siblings may start feeding off each other’s energy.

This motto becomes even more useful when you apply it to the moments that tend to trigger you most.

I have 4 kids under 8yo, so you can imagine there are often sibling squabbles. Duh! I realized a few years ago that I was making them way worse when I ran in like the house was on fire every single time.

☀️ Here’s the line I draw: If the situation is unsafe, of course I step in immediately.

Hitting each other? Not allowed. Pushing or slamming doors? Not allowed.

But if they’re just bickering or I hear the tension rise, it’s not an emergency.

Instead of storming in, try walking in slowly. Separate them physically if needed. Then address it without the frantic “STOP STOP STOP!!” energy. The goal is not to throw more gas on the fire.

⬇️ This is an IRL example of how it plays out:

Besides moving to stand up diaper changes (life changing!!) slowing down during caregiving activities makes a world of difference. Try making caregiving more relational:

• Sing while you change the diaper.

• Let your child hold the wipes.

• Make eye contact.

• Use a stand-up diaper change if that works better.

• Slow down enough to include your child in the process.

The same idea applies to getting dressed. When dressing becomes a shared, connected moment instead of a checklist item, it often goes more smoothly.

That doesn’t mean they always agree. It means they’re less likely to fight every step when they feel seen, engaged, and not rushed. Even a few minutes of genuine attention can fill their cup enough to make the rest of the day easier.

This is especially important if your child tends to resist transitions.

You cannot remove every rush, every demand, or every hard moment. Obviously there is a TON of content and conversations now about how much mental and physical load moms carry.

I wish every single one of us had a house manager, a cleaner and a grocery delivery. 😂

AND you can control how you show up in the circumstances you have right now.

• Is this actually an emergency?

• Or does it just feel urgent?

• What happens if I slow down one notch?

Tell me what you think below!!

xx Cassie